One of the most exciting and watched Senate races is happening (clap-clap-clap-clap) deep in the heart of Texas between human ferret and probable Zodiac Killer Ted Cruz, and progressive dreamboat Beto O'Rourke. Currently O'Rourke is only trailing Cruz by one percentage point in the polls, which is freaking Cruz the fuck out—primarily because he is a deeply unlikable person. So what does Cruz and the GOP do? They double down on his unlikability. When the challenger declined Cruz' invitation to a series of Friday night debates, the GOP fired off a tweet featuring a picture of O'Rourke's punk rock days designed to make the candidate look... cool? That's him on the left.
Maybe Beto can’t debate Ted Cruz because he already had plans... pic.twitter.com/LdqKTh3yK4
— Texas GOP (@TexasGOP) August 28, 2018
(Am I crazy or is that Paul Reubens in the middle? Anyway....) Then, unsatisfied with portraying O'Rourke as a hot musician, they then attempted to depict him as a hot criminal.
There's always the chance that Robert “Beto” O’Rourke won’t debate Senator Cruz because he got into a hazy situation... pic.twitter.com/4nmd42AEkl
— Texas GOP (@TexasGOP) August 29, 2018
That mug shot was from a misdemeanor DWI conviction (that was later dismissed) two decades ago. The upshot? This seemingly infallible plan backfired in the most hilarious way, and the Supreme Court of Twitter had an absolute field day with it. Here are just a few of the funniest, most scalding tweets.
There's Beto O'Rourke in a punk band, And there's Ted Cruz hitting himself in the nuts with a basketball. https://t.co/7d863ffVRH
— Laura Chapin (@LauraChapin) August 30, 2018
Beto O'Rourke won't debate me because he's too busy [rifling through notes] fucking my mom https://t.co/XdnvCTiN0K
— Law Boy, Esq. (@The_Law_Boy) August 29, 2018
So @BetoORourke was in a cool punk band AT THE SAME TIME that @tedcruz was...wait for it: A MIME.
Cruz is 47, Beto is 46.
I rest my case, folks.#FlipItBlue pic.twitter.com/46KB0Vvk7L
— Victoria Brownworth (@VABVOX) August 30, 2018
Need a palate cleanser today?
Here's a video of Beto O'Rourke skateboarding.
You're welcome. 😘#ThursdayThoughtspic.twitter.com/V167akgoWu
— Holly Figueroa O'Reilly (@AynRandPaulRyan) August 30, 2018
Ted Cruz takes off all his clothes just to fart
— Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) August 30, 2018
Let’s not let the fact that Beto O’Rourke being in a punk band distract us from the real issue at hand:
Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer.
— Chris 🍵 🔜 San Japan (@matchapon_) August 29, 2018
Ted Cruz: Here's a pic of Beto nailing a kickflip for charity, vote for me.
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) August 29, 2018
If there was a God, Ted Cruz would currently be an eroding pillar of salt.
— BorderingOrder 📎 (@borderorder) August 30, 2018
If you haven't seen Ted Cruz whining about persecution in his college production of The Crucible, it's exceedingly important that you do. pic.twitter.com/oPaQ7aZixV
— shauna (@goldengateblond) August 29, 2018
Meanwhile... in an abandoned farmhouse covered in scattered chicken bones and human teeth... Ted Cruz awaits the next van of teenagers who have run out of gas... pic.twitter.com/LeGPH9pDAi
— Timothy Grant (@timgrant122) August 30, 2018
To donate to the Beto O'Rourke for Senate campaign, go here.
