Pat Robertson: Bubble, bubble! Toil and trouble!
Pat Robertson: "Bubble, bubble! Toil and trouble!" Courtesy YouTube

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As you know, the Southeastern United States is bracing itself for Hurricane Florence, a category 4 storm that could cause "catastrophic" damage once it reaches landfall this Friday. Millions of residents have been ordered to move inland, and Imbecile-in-Chief Donald Trump is keeping himself busy by arguing with Puerto Rican officials about how he didn't botch their hurricane disaster, like, at all.

But if you're concerned about the life-threatening conditions those in the South are facing... don't be! Because televangelist warlock Pat Robertson has cast a spell on the hurricane, which has forbidden it from touching America! (Note: Normally in times of national crisis, self-proclaimed Christians such as Robertson pray for something good to happen and then go on about their business. However, this must be a pretty serious situation, because Robertson has apparently shunned his religion's historical hatred of the dark arts and has turned to witchcraft in order to stop the hurricane, casting a "shield of protection" over his home state of Virginia.)

Let's watch! Stone-cold witchery starts at 1:10.

“In Jesus’ holy name, be out to sea!” Well. That should take care of it.

Hat tips to Right Wing Watch.