Super earthquake or super volcano—which death is best?
Super earthquake or super volcano—which death is best? shayes17/Getty Images

If the Big One isn’t a frightening enough impending catastrophe to plague your mind, try this: Happy Monday! This article ends, “It could essentially amount to the worst thing to happen to human society so far.” Oh, how macabre. In any case, use this as inspiration to live your best life, because we’re all on a completely unstable rocketship composed of inevitable calamities.


The big win this weekend in northwest sports: We’re talking about Beep Baseball, people—an absolutely radical version of sightless baseball played based on sound. You didn’t think we were talking about the Seahawks, right? The Tacoma Tide completely shut out the Puyallup police department 6 (or 5?) to 0. I absolutely love the phonetic sound and consonance of the name “Beep Baseball,” and even though this game seems incredibly difficult to play, I hope it becomes a huge trend so I can read about Beep Baseball all the time.

People shouldn’t have to pay more to get their porn faster: California Governor Jerry Brown signed a bill into law on Sunday to reinstate Net Neutrality in his state. Then, promptly, the Trump Administration moved to sue California. Washington was the first state to sign a bill re-establishing net neutrality earlier this year, but apparently the legislation wasn’t sweeping enough to warrant a lawsuit. I’m glad we live in a state that moved quickly on this issue—just imagine having to wait longer to get your Slog on everyday! The horror! Yes, I equated Slog to porn.

There was a devastating earthquake and tsunami in Palu, Indonesia on Friday: This news was seemingly hidden most of Sunday, below news of Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh. The death count nearly doubled on Sunday; it's staggeringly high—somewhere in the 800s. Experts believe it will keep growing to over a thousand.

Just waiting to be told why this next fact has nothing to do with climate change:


Fares increased fairly on ferries: Actually, I can’t speak to the fairness of anything, it just sounded good. That being said, fares did rise. It's a 2.5 percent increase for vehicles and a 2.1 percent increase for passengers.

Did anyone see the SNL bit on the Senate Judiciary hearing?: It started kind of funny, but by the end of it I didn’t feel any better about anything. Maybe that's just SNL for you. Or the state of our current reality. Both?


Elon Musk removed as chair of Tesla, remains CEO: After news that the SEC was suing Tesla, Tesla stock dropped 12.8 percent. Today, the stock has already risen 16 percent! Woohoo, we’re all rich again! Wait. Oh. That’s not how it works? Forget the $20 million fine, forget losing his chairmanship, the big penalty Musk may be paying is in the form of losing his ability to tweet.

Understatement of the day: KING5 says millennial homebuyers are apparently more likely to make concessions on location, and budget. I see so many rich millennials in this town I tend to forget how fantastical the term “millennial homebuyer,” really is.

It takes 12 hours to save a cat: The Seattle Times' Mike Rosenberg has the scoop on the long bureaucratic story of a cat named Bernard that got stuck on top of a utility pole in West Seattle. After Bernard's owner spent 12 hours checking virtually every department in the city, Seattle City Light finally sent out a bucket-truck to easily retrieve the cat. A spokesman for City Light, Scott Thomsen said, “Our function is to deliver electricity... We’re not in the cat-retrieval business. When you start doing this, you start getting calls from every cat owner.” Incorrect. Ignoring his dismissal of City Light’s responsibility for the state of utility poles that “deliver electricity,” and any potential creature that could be electrocuted by a live wire, I, an indoor cat owner, will never be calling you about my cat (no matter how longingly she stares out the window at your massive cat trees.) Speaking of my cat...

Some Monday Gouda: Here’s a picture of Gouda somewhere she is most certainly not supposed to be. Instead of bucket-trucking her down, though, her trouble-making naturally became a photo-session.

IMG_0613.jpg

Tonight's best Seattle entertainment options include: An autobiography reading with Sally Field, an evening of ethereal piping harmonies with Swedish sisters First Aid Kit, and an opportunity to check out Statix and Drawnk Present: Artcade.