Coming soon to an airplane near you.
Coming soon to an airplane near you. SomeSense/Getty Images

Alaska Airlines becomes the most mini-horse-friendly flier: That’s right. Mini-horses can be trained service animals. For some reason, my mind keeps making a connection to Snakes on a Plane, and I have to say, the idea of hundreds of mini-horses trampling around a plane is actually far more terrifying than snakes. Thoughts?

Amazon increases its minimum wage to $15 an hour across the country: Gosh I hope they can afford it. I wonder if Forbes will start running opinion pieces now saying how genius Jeff Bezos is for thinking of this idea, to counter their old pieces on how the $15 minimum would kill jobs. In any case, the workers in the Amazon warehouses deserve this raise and it’s great that they are getting it. Congratulations, friends! That's definitely a step above food stamps. Will this step remediate all past and future issues with Amazon or wealth inequality? Not even close—nonetheless, props are given where props are due (thank you, corporate overlords).

"One of my only good traits": President Donald Trump really has a way with words, doesn't he?

I mean, he has been open about not ever drinking in the past, so that part isn't necessarily news. But now we must decide what to call a teetotaling totalitarian. A teetotalitarian?

So does that mean destroying the earth is not one of your only good traits? Basically, the Trump administration’s new car emissions rules will cause more illness and death. The government report says that under current policies, earth’s temperature will also rise by 7 degrees. The only purpose of the new “rules” is to make cars less fuel-efficient, and require people to buy and burn more gasoline.

It sure seems like "only good trait" isn’t fooling anyone: The world has less confidence in Trump than in Russian president Vladimir Putin.

Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh’s bar brawl: Kavanaugh was questioned by police in 1985 in regards to a bar fight after a UB40 show. UB40 is an English pop reggae band you may recognize by this slick jam. Groovy, right? This story paints the perfect picture of who Brett Kavanaugh is, case closed.

Oops, no, case isn’t closed—apparently it’s getting expanded: The White House authorized the FBI on Monday to investigate “anyone it deems necessary” in regards to their investigation into allegations of sexual assault from Dr. Christine Blasey Ford. They have only until Friday to conduct the review.

Seriously, can we stop killing wolves? A “marksman” killed another wolf from the Old Profanity Territory Pack on Friday. This time it was an adult female wolf. They believe the wolf pack is now just an adult male and a juvenile. Is two even a pack? Not really. If you want to read about our wolves and and perhaps why we should not be killing them go here. If not, feel free to complain in the comment section and tell me why I should care less about wolves.

In today’s weather: This seems like good advice . . .

Although, when I hear thunder, I usually look up to the sky, hold my arms out wide, and yell, “Take me, universe! Show me what you’re made of!” I have never actually been hit by lightning, yet, so in practice I have a 100 percent success rate with this strategy. That being said, I recommend sticking to NWS’ advice if I were you.

New excuse to not watch golf: As if you needed one—alas, getting hit in the head by a golf ball sounds terrifyingly painful, and is apparently "equivalent of one-tenth what would be expected in a head-on car crash."

Hey look, we made it through Monday!: This may have been the feel good tweet of the year. It deserves a rebirth. ICYMI, you’re welcome.

Have a happy Tuesday!

Tonight's best Seattle entertainment options include: A chance to taste special dishes from Pike Place Market restaurants at Feast at the Market, a show with amazing British synth-pop legend Gary Numan, and the final screening of The Lost Boys at Central Cinema.