What is this? A crossover episode? Credit: TINSELTOWN/SHUTTERSTOCK
What is this? A crossover episode?
What is this? A crossover episode? TINSELTOWN/SHUTTERSTOCK

Yeezy and J-Kush form new posse: White House hype-woman Sarah Sanders says Kanye West will be meeting with President Trump, and Middle-East-Peace-Extraordinaire Jared Kushner to discuss “manufacturing resurgence in America, prison reform, [and] how to prevent gang violence.” That’s all folks, show’s over—all of our problems will soon be solved.

Rural town fights to keep Bezos out: Schodack, New York is resisting the construction of a massive Amazon fulfillment center with all its might. While proposals for smaller warehouses have been rejected due to city officials citing environmental concerns, somehow the city officials, this time, decided to go through with the 1 million square foot Amazon Fulfillment center without conducting a environmental impact study. We’re up to our necks in it out here, Schodack, but we are in spirit with you, resisting ceaselessly as we drown in our corporate overlord’s greed-ridden feces.

Lots of Amazon warehouse workers are pissed: They’re pissed because while news circuits are touting Jeff Bezos’ goodwill and ‘progressive’ wage increases, many workers are slowly coming to terms with all of the other sources of income they’ll be losing, in the form of stock options and bonuses. Classic Jeff Bezos—tooting his own horn while sneakily fucking over his own employees.

Deported parents’ children could be adopted out: From KING5, “An AP investigation identified holes in the system that allow judges to grant custody of migrant children to American families—without notifying their parents.” Not much else to say except that this is mortifying.

Trump’s tariffs cost Ford $1 billion: The trade war President Trump has started is beginning to hurt Ford’s bottom line. That means layoffs are on the horizon. Honestly though, fuck Trump, and fuck Ford. America has bailed both of these enterprises out more than enough, don’t you think?

If you’re neither a Millennial or a young Gen X, skip this blurb: A member of Insane Clown Posse, that group we always pretended didn’t exist, tried to karate kick Limp Bizkit’s Fred Durst on stage. It is important to note that within this event lies a metaphor for the last blurb about Trump’s tariffs costing Ford.

Kim Jong-un invites the pope to his blessed dictatorial regime: It is interesting that a self-declared “atheist-state,” thinks that it is even a possibility that Pope Francis would want to meet with him. Although, surely the love affair between Kim and President Trump has emboldened Kim’s already delusional mind. I generally don’t care what the Pope does, but if the Pope meets with Kim Jong-un the same year Kanye West is invited to the White House to solve gang violence, and the same year a member of Insane Clown Posse attacks Fred Durst, the world might implode.

The real news of the day: As tweeted by KING5.

Nikki Haley resigns as UN ambassador: Axios reports that Trump has accepted Haley’s resignation, although there is no word on when she will be out.

Portland to Vancouver in two hours? Yes, please. Transportation officials from Oregon, Washington, and British Columbia are meeting today to contemplate a bullet train up along our coast. To help explain this to my Republican colleagues, a bullet train is basically an oil pipeline, except instead of transferring sickly polluting, crude oil, it delivers human bodies—like you or me!

Justice Kavanaugh will hear his first arguments today: Unless the topic is domestic beer preference, I’m not sure what help he will be. Oh, it looks like the cases have to do with long sentences for repeat offenders.

Doodles from the past: The feel good story of the day—a doodle from a math exercise book dating from 1784 is quickly becoming a viral sensation. The doodle portrays a chicken—but not just any chicken—this chicken’s got on pantaloons! Or trousers! A chicken in pants! Banksy eat your heart out, there’s a new artist in town and he is actually long-dead.

Tomorrow is Wednesday: Yep, and Wednesday means you get to taunt me with your breakfast pictures. Eating a breakfast burrito? Send it. Chugging an energy drink? Send it. We want to know what people in Seattle are pushing into their bodies in the morning, and only you can help us.

Tonight’s best Seattle entertainment options include: The Seattle return of the heartwarming musical Come From Away, a night of lyrically dense and message-driven rap with Oddisee, and a screening of the Japanese psychedelic ghost story Hausu.