Which I could multiply this illo by two, because Rossis racked up FOUR Ls BABY during the course of his TRAGIC FUCKING CAREER.
I wish I could multiply this illo by two, because Rossi's racked up FOUR STRAIGHT Ls during the course of his pitiful political career.

First-time Democratic candidate Kim Schrier has delivered us from the threat of Congressman Dino Rossi. It's over. She won. He lost. Again. (Again. Again. Again.)

Natalie Brand over at King 5 called that shit:


And then, approximately 30 minutes later, Rossi conceded:


I've been covering this guy—this four-time loser—for over a year at this point, and I practically fell asleep reading this concession. To save you all some time: Rossi basically thanks his staff for their hard work, uses a couple sports metaphors, and announces his excitement to his return to his family. He left out the part where he admits that losing a district he won by 10 points in three previous (failed) state-wide races has bruised his ego so badly that he will no longer attempt to run for anything ever again in his life—not for county commissioner, not for mayor of Small Town, not even for a motherfucking bus—and that only his two houses and millions of dollars can possibly console him—but, hell, a raging crank can't have everything.

At press time, Rossi did not respond to my request for comment, nor did he apologize for quoting me and using my arguments to attack Schrier during the course of the campaign without even offering to pay me, nor did he grant my request for a good-natured Italian dinner of the kind he made for the Democrats when he served in the legislature all those years ago. After kicking me out of his primary night election party, it was honestly the least he can do. Whatever happened to civility in politics, ya know? But anyway, enough about me.

Schrier will become the first Democrat that Washington's 8th District has ever sent to Congress since its inception in 1983. She will take the place of the deeply cowardly and often confused-looking former King County Sheriff, Rep. Dave Reichert, who only sponsored 5 bills that became law during his 14-year tenure. God, what an embarrassment he was. Do you remember when he voted to gut government ethics laws right after Trump got elected? And do you also remember when he passed Trumpcare through committee before ultimately voting against it? Wow. Wow wow wow. What a doof.

In a press release, Schrier says the people of the 8th District are "ready for a community pediatrician to bring a dose of common sense to DC."

“We deserve a representative who will take on drug companies and insurers to lower healthcare costs, who will protect pre-existing conditions, who will finally give the middle class a pay raise, and who will get corporate money out of politics," Schrier continued. "That’s exactly the representative I will be in Congress.”