For the troops!
For the troops! ALEX WONG / GETTY IMAGES

Not enough punishment for primate death at UW lab: Activists say. Back in April, a monkey in a swanky new (and $142 million) research facility on the University of Washington campus was strangled to death. It was a whole thing. It was also the third primate death at that UW lab in two years. The U.S. Department of Agriculture investigated. It issued UW a citation, a slap on the wrist. Activists are pissed.

Donald Trump visits the troops, reveals their secret location with a tweet: Before you read more please click this and play. Then read. In a video posted yesterday, Donald Trump and the White House doxxed some Navy SEALS. It revealed their faces and the fact that the special operations team was deployed. That's a huge security breach.

Pledge your vote for Tammy Morales for D2 for a Green New Deal for Seattle. Vote by Aug 6.

More school bus woes with Viaduct closure: Seattle Public Schools knows the Seattle Squeeze is going to fuck shit up even more for students. With the closure of the Alaskan Way Viaduct, the already-stretched thin SPS school bus system—which failed to hire enough school bus drivers and has been dealing with constant delays this year—will face added pressures and added delays. The bus drivers will start their shifts 30 minutes earlier come Squeeze Time in order to compensate. They're the real heroes.

Good guys with guns overwhelm tool thieves: Two men in Marysville allegedly swiped four nail guns which—doesn't that seem like two nail guns too many, assuming each one needs a nail gun, because really you could just get one nail gun and share. The lot was worth $400 so maybe that was the appeal. They walked out of the store, got in their car (a sensible Honda Civic) and were surrounded by six men with guns drawn on them. They were apprehended by law enforcement.

Hospitals to post costs online in 2019: The rule goes into effect Jan. 1. It's kinda like when restaurants started having to display nutrition facts next to menu items except its costs next to standard medical procedures. So maybe not that similar. Either way, the rule change is meant to increase transparency. However, it won't be super helpful because patients won't know how much of the costs they see will be covered by their insurance provider or government programs.

Portland man crosses Antartica alone in 54 days: He's the first guy to traverse the continent solo. He must've been chilly. Not because he was alone, really, but, you know, Antartica. It was 930 miles. Sounds impressive but also terrible.

This is ASMR: I feel soothed. Instead of trekking across Antartica I am one of these Capybaras.

Christmas Eve Fremont arsonist still at large: The man, caught on surveillance video, allegedly lit a fire that damaged three Fremont businesses. The damage to Red Star Taco Bar, Habitude and Ounce of Prevention cost around $200,000 in total, according to the Seattle Fire Department.

Racist ref banned from New Jersey district: The referee overseeing a New Jersey high school wrestling match earlier this month forced a black student to cut off his dreads in order to compete. The student complied the incident in a hard to watch and, frankly, humiliating video. The school board is investigating the incident. In the mean time, the ref is suspended and the family of the wrestler says they won't press charges.

I hope whoever wrote this headline knocked on wood: 2018 will be the first year with no violent tornadoes in the United States

Shutdown holds steady at day five: Lawmakers are returning to work today. On the table? The border wall. Congress has approved billions of dollars of border protections in the past. Much of the allocated money for border protection in 2018 hasn't been spent yet. Democrats are using that as the basis of their argument—why allocate more money (Trump wants $5 billion) when they haven't even spent what's currently available for border protection. The shutdown is expected to extend into the new year.

NYPD officer praised for not killing people: This officer is getting heaps of praise for using non-lethal force when dealing with five drunk suspects. In other words, he's getting pats on the back for doing his job.

An update from my alley: I lived in the same 112-or-something-year-old house for three years in college. It didn't keep me warm in the winters, it for sure did not keep me cool in the summers. Ostensibly, it was a roof and four walls that could blow over in a strong wind. I've lived in plenty of better houses, but, I've never lived in a better home.

On Christmas Day, almost five months since my friends and I moved out, the house died. The pipes in the upstairs bathroom were always waging quiet protest against us, it seemed. Last year the toilet overflowed at least twice. Each time, someone was there to staunch the flow of water. But the toilet water pooled, it dripped and dropped into the room below. Still, it eventually stopped. This time it didn't.

The pipes rioted. They flooded. All the students living there currently were gone for break. The water flowed freely. It dripped and dropped not just into that room, but the whole downstairs. The paint and the varnish collapsed. It was as if the house, finally empty, was breathing a sigh of relief.

The eight people living there now are pretty much on their own. They'll have to find somewhere else to live. Meanwhile, contractors are assessing the house. With its papier-mâché walls, the groundwater upwelling in the basement, the flaking linoleum, and its position on a lot less than ten blocks from the upcoming University District light rail station is worth a lot more than its history. It doesn't seem likely that the house will survive. Goodbye, old friend.