Howard Schultz Makes Grande Mistake, and... GET IT?? Ugh. Never mind.
Howard Schultz Makes "Grande" Mistake, and... GET IT?? Ugh. Never mind. Stephen Brashear / Stringer / Getty News

You know... it's easy to make mistakes. I make them a lot! Though in my defense, I usually don't make the mistake after hearing millions of people say "if you do this, it will be a HUUUUUGE MISTAKE." Example: Former CEO of Starbucks and billionaire Howard Schultz is floating the idea of running for president.

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In an interview with 60 Minutes last night, Schultz said he is "seriously thinking" about making a play for the presidency in 2020, with the intention of running as a "centrist independent" even though he's been a lifelong Democrat. This has lots of Democrats freaking the fuck out because they're afraid he'll split the ticket and swing the election in Trump's favor.

Here's why Democrats are being unnecessarily stupid about this:

Howard Schultz is worth $3.5 billion, and therefore everyone hates him. Now you may think, "Well, Trump is rich, and people voted for him." True, but remember, for them Trump was an experiment. They wanted to give a successful (HA) businessman a chance to run the government, because if CEOs are good at anything, it's giving the impression that they know what the fuck they're talking about. And of course, they don't. As a group they're white, unethical, and brazen—which unfortunately can get people far in this capitalistic society.

Anyway, if they didn't realize it before, a majority of Americans already know (or are really starting to suspect) that rich people are bunk... so thanks, Trump! You've done a lot to expose how morally corrupt your wealthy cohorts can be, and hence, another (yawn) rich white dude—especially Schultz—will NEVER even come close to being elected.

He's also unable to read the room in another significant way: The reason Schultz is running as an independent is because he thinks the Dems have "shifted so far to the left" because they believe in crazy, anti-corporate ideas such as free college, universal health care, and guaranteed jobs. If he thinks that he can successfully run on denying things from the American people—then I think he should definitely take the plunge. Because it's going to be HILARIOUS when he has his honky privileged ass handed to him. (Hey... maybe he could make Wilbur Ross his running mate!)

There are a lot of other reasons why Schultz' potential decision is laughable, and Twitter has done a great job of listing them:







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