There's a sea lion serial killer afoot! Credit: nullplus/Getty Images
Theres a sea lion serial killer afoot!
There’s a sea lion serial killer afoot! nullplus/Getty Images

Seattle goes full-on doomsday preppers: With the way people were stockpiling food at grocery stores you’d think the antichrist was perched atop the Space Needle. It looked like the opening scene to an apocalypse movie but instead of a weaponized strain of the Spanish Flu headed for Seattle, it’s just 4-8 inches of snow. You’d think we’re entering another ice age with the way people are hoarding ramen noodles. People. You’re going to be fine. I’d walk to school in Chicago through a foot of fresh snow all the time and I’m still living.

Most Seattle schools are closing early today: You can find a full list here. The snow is supposed to start accumulating around noon so that’s when most schools are slated to close. Kids, go play in the snow. You may not get another chance all year. Build a snow fort, but make sure that shit is well ventilated. Have a snowball fight, but make sure to stop when someone inevitably gets hit in the face. Sled down the biggest hill in your neighborhood, but not Gasworks because you’ll end up in the lake.

Here’s the actual weather report: I’m done making fun of Seattle. For now. I’m actually really excited for the snow, so I’ll try to bring you some fun snowy pictures for Monday’s Slog.

Who in the fuck is shooting sea lions?! It may be cold outside but this has my blood boiling. Officials have determined that 12 of these majestic sea creature have been shot in King and Kitsap counties since September. That’s fucking double the normal amount! There’s a $20,000 reward for a tip that brings the assholes responsible to justice, according to the Seattle Times.

Yakima jail won’t cooperate with ICE anymore: Crosscut reports that following a lawsuit from Antonio Sanchez Ochoa, an undocumented immigrant who was deported to Mexico over a year ago, the Yakima County Jail settled with lawyers and will no longer hold inmates ICE suspects of immigration violations. By law, city and county law officials can’t enforce federal immigration laws, so this could set an important precedent.

Water crisis in the Great Lakes: The areas surrounding the Great Lakes would probably be the last place you’d think a water crisis would occur, but it’s happening. An alarming number of people are living without running water because the price of water has risen so fast. An APM Reports investigation looked at water prices in six major cities surrounding the Great Lakes and prices are skyrocketing, leaving many poor families, elderly people, and people with disabilities unable to pay.

Acting Attorney General Matt Whitaker in the hot seat: He’s sitting for one of the most anticipated congressional committees under the new Democratic House.

U.S. and Australia found a metric fuck-ton of meth: About 1.7 tons to be exact, with a street value of almost $1 billion. I don’t really know how meth works but that seems like a lot. They found it back in January, but those crafty drug authorities let the shipment to Australia play out and arrested six people down under.

This weekend’s best Seattle entertainment options include: The adult science field trip Brewology, Roger Guenveur Smith’s solo show about the self-liberated abolitionist Frederick Douglass Now, and plenty of Lunar New Year and Valentine’s Day celebrations.

Timothy Kenney is a former Slog AM intern. He's written for multiple Seattle outlets, helped CNN cover a mudslide in Sierra Leone, and almost threw up on James Franco once.