Waiter,  would you bring me a nice fine-toothed comb?
Waiter, would you bring me a nice fine-toothed comb? barol16/Getty Images

Canada's National Energy Board says fuck the environment: The board recommended that Canada move forward with its Trans Mountain pipeline expansion. It acknowledged that the expansion would be pretty fucking bad for the environment but that it's in Canada's interests and so Canada should just do it, environment and fragile orca populations be damned. Gov. Jay Inslee is upset about the decision. Canada's government has 90 days for the consideration.

Kitten N' Lou's CAMPTACULAR! The smash hit summer camp-y spectacular @Triple Door July 11th-14th

Amazon employee fired for 'time theft': That's what Amazon allegedly told the call center employee in Kentucky when he was fired. That employee suffers from the digestive disorder Crohn's Disease. He has filed a lawsuit saying that Amazon violated the Americans with Disabilities Act by firing him for extra time he spent in the bathroom. Amazon claims it does not monitor bathroom breaks.

UW blossoms may be delayed by a week: Mark your calendars for mid-March. That's when you should avoid UW's quad because it's going to be a blossom-viewing frenzy. Or, if you'd like to see something beautiful, you can brave the crowds and it might be worth it. Keep tabs with this live cam UW has set up:

Governor Dow? King County Executive Dow Constantine is mulling over a run for governor, letting the decision marinate like a nice steak. It hinges on whether or not current Gov. Jay Inslee runs for president.

We could be in store for more snow: Boo? Yay? I don't know.

Rich has owned up to thieving the office Thin Mints: In his post, Stranger writer Rich Smith confesses that he gluttonously nabbed a box of Girl Scout cookies from the snack table in the office. I don't really care about that. What I care about is his assertion that Thin Mints are the best Girl Scout cookie. Sure, maybe if you like the taste of toothpaste. The best Girl Scout cookie is obviously the Samoa. It's sweet and crunchy and you can eat all of them at once. The real crime is that we weren't sent any of those in the promotional basket Rich stole the Thin Mints from.

I know my cookie takes are hot but don't @ me:

R. Kelly has been charged with 10 counts of sexual abuse: The charges are a result of new allegations against the singer after the Lifetime docuseries Surviving R. Kelly aired. Additionally, a new tape of Kelly allegedly sexually assaulting an underage girl was sent to prosecutors, BuzzFeed News reports.

Sen. Amy Klobuchar eats salad with a comb: Also, she's allegedly terrible to her staff. A new New York Times story on Klobuchar's nightmarish behavior toward her team tells the tale of Klobuchar on a plane, with a salad, and forkless (the fault of her staff, according to her alleged chastising). She fished a comb out of her purse and ate the salad. Then she instructed her staff to clean the comb. It's a whole thing. There's a lot more in here. All I know is that I don't think I'd like to have worked for Klobuchar.

Patriots owner charged with soliciting prostitution: According to law enforcement, Robert Kraft was caught soliciting prostitution at Florida massage parlors. Twenty-five people were charged in the bust. The massage parlors were well-known for prostitution and human trafficking. Kraft was charged on two counts of soliciting prostitution.

7.5 magnitude Earthquake hits Ecuador: Eastern Ecuador was hit by an earthquake in the wee hours of Friday morning. Initial reports state that there wasn't major damage. It struck far inland and away from Ecuador's major highways.

Michael Cohen was interviewed about the Trump Organization: Trump's former lawyer was interviewed about more than just the hush money he helped Trump provide to women who had allegedly had affairs with Trump. Cohen was reportedly interviewed about irregularities within the business.