I have a friend/coworker. Let’s call him “Randy.” Randy likes to hangout with me and all of my gay friends at the gay bars and clubs. Randy has wife and son. Randy has said (while massaging my back), “I’m not gay. I just appreciate the male body. And I really appreciate your body.” Randy’s highly educated and very successful. We live in very liberal place so he could come out here no problem. He gets blacked out messy drunk frequently at the bars. He’s in his 40s. Part of me wants to pull him aside and tell him he’s gay. I feel bad for his wife since she is often upset and/or confused when we all hang out. It’s all so awkward, because he’s my coworker, and I feel bad for him, his wife, and his kid. I assume it’s best to just "butt out."

Oddly, I have another friend who is just like Randy. We will call him “Andy.” Andy doesn’t have kids or a wife. Andy is 20s. Andy works with my best friend. The two of us are trying to figure out what to do about Randy and Andy.

Do I Lecture Friends?

Introduce them.

P.S. You and your best friend are grown-ass out gay men, DILF. You aren't obligated to hang out with some dude—closeted or not, coworker or not—who gets drunk, feels you up, and whispers creepy/conflicted/closeted shit in your ears. The whole tortured closet case thing may be a hot porn scenario, DILF, but they make for lousy IRL drinking buddies. Stop inflicting Randy and/or Andy on yourself and your friends.