I invited a coworker to dinner after hearing her whine about cheap men. On our first date, she is telling me how sexually inactive she is, men cant get it up, etc. Mind you, she is cute, sexy, and has a great manmade rack. She tells me she thinks girl-on-girl is gross. She tells me she likes oral but her favorite is anal. I'm thinking woohoo! I offer to drive her home like a gentleman. She quickly takes her panties off and I have three fingers inside her.

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The next weekend she says she's going out of town to have a girls reunion. I pick her up, with coffee, meet her daughter, and she repeats the story in front of the adult daughter. I drive her to the airport, and she is a complete bitch. She ghosts me over the weekend. I asked for a photo. NADA. By Sunday I am like, "Wow! WTF!" I asked her if she was with a man, and she said yes: a sugar daddy. I did not pick her up at the airport when she returned.

She comes over to fuck that week and I brought up us having unprotected sex and her having a sugar daddy. She promised there was no sex with her sugar daddy. She promised up and down I was then only one. I love eating this lady's ass and vagina for hours so I believe her. We fuck for months. It's great. Then she ghosts me again. I get suspicious, and check sugar daddy websites and, yep, there she is. Fuck me! I confront her and she says she's with her kids on a cruise. That's great knowing in my head she was short on grocery money the week before and I gave her just a couple hundred bucks for that! But she swears she is not fucking anybody. I again believe. Her persuasiveness is incredible. Time moves on. We are swapping fluids regularly, as we had promised monogamy and tested, and I took her for an weekend to an infamous swingers club in Florida. That's when the monster emerged from the cage. We had made rules and Rule #1 was no unprotected sex with others. But within minutes of our arrival she has a bare dick in her mouth and the female partner of the guy attached to that dick is going down on her, also unprotected.

A few weeks later, we are going to the club again with our ground rules reestablished. I go down on her at my house first and she tastes like latex! Fuck me! She swears I am out of my mind. I kicked her out and sent her home. Can this chick lie. Like a dog. She says I am out of my mind.

Again I saw her profile online, so I catfished her. Sure enough, it was her, sending me full face pics, telling me how much she enjoys other woman and being fucked while she eats pussy. I led her on for a few days and then identified myself. She was shocked! What does she do? She goes to HR at our company and says she fears me. Without any violence or stalking or criminal evidence! HR dismissed the complaint as a personal matter but four weeks later I'm mysteriously dismissed for some lame reason. (I'm excellent at my profession!) This sucks! I am thinking about laying the whole thing out to human resources. That would include texts she sent me at work. Should I pull her under the bus with me?

Used Male

The sex—to say nothing of that manmade rack—must've been spectacular.

It's the only reasonable explanation for your willingness to let this woman jerk you around (ghosting on you repeatedly), UM, to say nothing of your stupefying credulousness (sugar daddies aren't altruists). I'm not excusing her lies and subjective notions of physical beauty have the power to disable just about anyone's bullshit detectors. And when they're our idea of hot and the sex is spectacular... well, it can be difficult to recognize something staring us in the face when recognizing that something means we'll never get another crack at that crack/rack/sack. We've all been there or are destined to visit.

That said, UM, you had to know you were being lied to—I mean, come on—and yet you kept on sticking your face in this lady's ass and vagina. And if she hadn't said one thing to you and then proceeded to do another right in front of you, if her lies hadn't been so transparent, you'd probably still be schlepping this lady to the airport and giving her grocery money. (Remember what I said about sugar daddies not being altruists? Yeah, I stand by that.) You chose to believe her when she said she wasn't fucking anyone else not because you wanted to give the benefit of the doubt to her, UM, but because you wanted to give it to yourself.

Whatever. You didn't ask me how this happened, UM, you asked me whether you should retaliate against this woman. If your hunch is correct—and it certainly stands to reason—her complaint to HR wound up getting you fired*. Here's the thing: even if you're right and her complaint did get you fired, UM, ratting her out isn't going to get you rehired. It's just going to stir up more drama. And what are the odds that this woman—someone who likes to fuck but doesn't like being fucked with (see: her reaction to being catfished)—will retaliate against you for retaliating against her? And then what? You'll have to retaliate against her for retaliating against you for retaliating against her and then she'll retaliate against you for retaliating against her...

She's out of your life, UM. Count your blessings, get your resume together, and go find a new job. And you can take comfort in this thought: if HR decided to ease you out after another employee filed what appeared to be a meritless complaint, UM, odds are good they're planning to ease her out too. She'll most likely be out of a job soon without you involving or implicating yourself.

And finally, UM, don't ask coworkers out at your next job.

* It's also possible you're not as excellent at your profession and you were fired for cause; like our perceptions of others, our self-perception can be wildly off. HR may even have delayed letting you go until after the dust from her complaint settled!


Listen to my podcast, the Savage Lovecast, at www.savagelovecast.com.

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