Her consistency is UNPARALLELED. Credit: Richard Heathcote/Getty Images
Her consistency is UNPARALLELED.
Her consistency is UNPARALLELED. Richard Heathcote/Getty Images

Tonight, before you go to sleep, whisper a silent “thank you” to The Powers That Be for giving us Megan Rapinoe.

The Seattle soccer player scored twice against France, handing the U.S. a well-fought 2-1 victory over France.

It was the hottest day on record in France, where the World Cup is being hosted, with some areas in the south reporting 114 sweltering degrees. In Paris, where Friday’s match was held, it was a cool 90. The U.S. came out strong. They scored within five minutes. They’ve officially scored a goal in the first 12 minutes of every game this tournament.

The goal was off a free kick. I don’t know what kind of witchcraft Rapinoe is practicing but look at the way this ball skirts past every obstacle. It went RIGHT THROUGH AMANDINE HENRY’S LEGS and into the net.

The rest of the half found the U.S. dominating on offense and narrowly holding France back on defense. Shout out to Crystal Dunn, the left defender who tracked the insanely fast Kadidiatou Diani from France. Diani has made mincemeat out of defenders this tournament. No one—except for Dunn, it seems—could keep up with her.

Also, while I’m at it, Julie Ertz, the U.S.’s center midfielder, was a defensive force. Ertz is everywhere. Don’t knock me for saying this, but it’s kind of hard for me to differentiate our mostly-blonde defensive line since they’re well, mostly tall and blonde, but Ertz, stands out. And not just because of the blue pre-wrap on her head. Ertz comes barreling into plays, sacrificing her body for them. I love watching her.

At the 65th minute, Rapinoe slotted another goal into the back of the net. It was a great combination started by Alex Morgan with a pass to Tobin Heath who, instead of taking a shot on goal, passed it cleanly in front of the net for Rapinoe to have a whack at it. Rapinoe makes it look too easy.

Here was (some of) the goal reaction from Rein Haus:


The heat seemed to be catching up with both teams during the second half. Passes were more wobbly and plays less consistent but the pace never let up. France, for what it’s worth, dominated that half. Henry, the French captain, was dying to score. You could see it in every move she made. Also, she has very intense eyes. That’s besides the point. Henry never let up and even shoved Heath, who was intentionally dribbing to the corners to run down the clock, off the ball.

Wendie Renard, France’s center back and also the tallest woman in the league (6’2″), scored off a header and finally put France on the board. But, it was too little too late, much to the team’s (and especially Henry’s) chagrin.

The U.S. will move on to the semi-finals, where they’ll face-off against The Colonizers England. France was supposed to be their toughest opponent, so I’m not sure how that game will go. What I am sure of is that we all need to buy Rapinoe jerseys right the fuck now. And also this:

Plus, this quick reminder for you, the casual viewer, and also Donald Trump who she will definitely not be meeting:

Nathalie Graham covers anything she finds fun, weird, or interesting. You can find a lot of that in her column, Play Date. Her work has also appeared around town in The Seattle Times, GeekWire, and the...