Whos down to plant pot at capitol buildings all over this great green nation?!
Who's down to plant pot at capitol buildings all over this great green nation?! GETTY IMAGES

The FTC is ready to regulate Facebook: Finally. The Federal Trade Commission has reportedly fined Facebook a historic $5 billion fine for its privacy missteps. The fine is the largest in the FTC's history (by an order of magnitude!!!). Now would be a good time for Washington state to lay down fines—again—for Facebook's continued lack of transparency around their sales of local political ads.


Someone planted cannabis at the Vermont Statehouse: Honestly, it's an attractive plant! Vermont Capitol police say the rogue plants could be hemp or marijuana, but they're not sure which. What they mean to say is they don't know if this shit is going to get you high. Stranger's Jasmyne Keiming thinks Bernie Sanders planted them. Whoever did it, kudos! This is some yippie-style activism. Plant more pot plants all over Capitol buildings! Let it grow! Let it grow!

Prosecuters say Epstein paid $350,000 to shut up possible witnesses against him: Reports the New York Times. Jeffrey Epstein, the demon financier facing sex-trafficking charges, reportedly tried to wire $350,000 to two people who could testify against him. The payments happened in late November and early December of 2018, prosecutors say.

Dead dolphin found in Florida with: A SPEAR WOUND IN ITS HEAD. There's also evidence of hemorrhaging, which suggests the dolphin was STABBED WHILE ALIVE. (Warning: The link contains a very unnecessary photo of the speared dolphin head.) If we were inside an X Files episode, I would suggest this has something to do with all those mysteriously dead dolphins in France. Or maybe all these dead dolphins are a case for Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. (I know a handful of men for whom Ace Ventura was a sexual awakening for them. [Not me.])

Print is dead: At Starbucks.

I'm in love with Julio Torres: Are you watching Los Espookys on HBO? You must watch it so it gets renewed for a second season. One of its stars and creators, Julio Torres, has an upcoming HBO comedy special. It comes out August 10. Now it has a trailer.

Update on those downtown Seattle stabbings on Tuesday: The victim in the most serious condition, a 75-year-old man stabbed in the neck, has been discharged, according to a hospital spokeswoman. The alleged attacker was charged Thursday with first-degree assault and two counts of second-degree assault, according to prosecutors. His bail is set at $750,000.

Can we have secure elections that are also accessible?: That's the big question behind this piece in the Guardian: Disabled voters left behind in push to amp up 2020 security, advocates say. In working to secure the U.S. upcoming elections in 2020, cybersecurity experts want to use hand-marked paper ballots (basically: we can't ensure the computers aren't hacked so go back to paper). These are seen as the most secure, but advocates say that voting machines are the best for people with disabilities.

Fun Fact: We may have moved an inch closer to Canada after this morning's earthquake.

I want to eat this: Even though I can't pronounce "cremeux," "dacquoise," "compote," or probably even "sable."

Crosscut published an anonymous op-ed from an undocumented immigrant: In light of Trump's looming deportation raids. "If I get picked up, the best case scenario is that I don’t see my kids for several months," the person writes. "The worst case is unfathomable—as in, I don’t really bother to try to conceive of the cruelty I’d be subject to." ICYMI: Here's how you can prepare for the ICE raids in Washington state.

How did you meet your partner?: Odds are you met them online if you met after 2010. I met my partner on Instagram (lol) while he was living in New Orleans. Now we live together.

Speaking of New Orleans: “This is the first time in history a hurricane will strike Louisiana while the Mississippi River is in flood stage,” said Louisiana's Gov. John Bel Edwards today. Tropical Storm Barry, which is expected to be Hurricane Barry by the time it hits shores, will make landfall tonight or early tomorrow morning. While a Category 1 Hurricane is not a life-threatening storm for most Gulf residents, New Orleans is uniquely vulnerable because of an already-flooded Mississippi River.

You're not getting in or out of that airport: Many airlines are stopping flights at New Orleans airport all day Saturday.

Here's a New Orleans supermarket: Don't worry. They're still open.

Meanwhile, the weather looks great up here: Today's been a perfect Seattle summer day, right? Or are you one of those freaks who loves a rainy July?

Support The Stranger

Remember that viral Jon Stewart video: Where he scolded U.S. House Judiciary subcomittee members for not showing up to hear a bill most of them had already suggested they'd support? Today, the House overwhelmingly passed that bill, a 9/11 victims compensation fund. Now the bill heads to a McConnell-controlled Senate. Good luck!

More shit is passing in the House: The U.S. House passed a defense bill amendment that would limit Trump's war powers today. Some Republicans joined Democrats on the 251-170 amendment vote, although the New York Times reports the whole defense bill passed "along stark party lines—220 to 197—with Republicans uniting to oppose the legislation." Trump said last month that he did not need congressional support to strike Iran. If the bill doesn't get mangled in the Senate, Trump will have to get congressional approval if he wants a war with Iran. The Times isn't hopeful: "Negotiations with the Senate will almost certainly result in a compromise measure that jettisons many, if not most, of the amendments secured by House liberals."
This blurb has been updated to include the Times's reporting.

May we all be as resilient as this "shellfish": Have a good weekend!