Hehe, I made a headline.
"Hehe, I made a headline." Lester Black

"Jeffrey Epstein Hoped to Seed Human Race With His DNA": Yes, that's a real headline. In the New York Times!!!!! In case this guy wasn't already terrible: "He hoped to seed the human race with his DNA by impregnating women at his vast New Mexico ranch." Y-I-K-E-S. This piece is a rollercoaster.

Kill it with fire: JOE, WE DON'T NEED YOU ON SNAPCHAT!!!!!

More dorks campaigning on CNN tonight: It's the second night of Democratic debates in Detroit and it's currently all about Harris. Let's jump into it.

Harris, the 54-year-old "kid": The eye-rolls just keep comin' with Biden.

“The opposite of Donald Trump is an Asian man who likes math": That was the opening statement coming from Yang, who also said Amazon is wrecking the U.S. economy. Our boy Inslee said we are the "last, best hope" to save humanity and the planet (cuz climate change), Michael Bennett's upper lip refused to move, and Tulsi Gabbard channeled Hillary Clinton in an all-white pantsuit.

People are protesting Bill de Blasio: By shouting "fire Pantaleo." Daniel Pantaleo is the New York police officer involved in Eric Garner's death. It was recently announced that Pantaleo would not face charges for putting Garner in multiple chokeholds that killed him. The protests started during de Blasio's opening statements and then broke out during Booker's, who had to stop while CNN squelched the shouting.

Biden is on the attack about other candidates' healthcare plans: Calling them a "bunch of malarkey." Never forget:

MORE PROTESTS: While Biden was speaking about deportations on the southern border, an immigration activist loudly interrupted him. It's unclear what they were shouting.

AND SHOTS FIRED FROM JAY INSLEE: "We can no longer allow a white nationalist to be in the White House," he said, referring presumably to Trump.

ICYMI: "My father..."

Okay, more on this in the morning, but let's pivot to "THE CLOUD WARS": Amazon, Google, and Microsoft are clashing over an increasingly heated fight to be a leader in cloud technology. Deemed "the cloud wars," Amazon has now sued a former Amazon Web Services executive for taking a job with Google Cloud. This allegedly violates his non-compete agreement (IMO these tech non-compete agreements are thuggish and stifle innovation). The lawsuit was filed in King County Superior Court, reports GeekWire.

Take cover: The Blue Angels are coming. Seafair is celebrating its 70th anniversary this year, and the Blue Angels will start practicing over the next few days. Whenever I think of the Blue Angels lately, I think of this take from Stranger's Philosopher-in-Residence: "The Blue Angels are only telling us this truth."

Crosscut has voted to unionize: They're partying at Seamonster if you want to crash it.

Trump offered to help put out wildfires: In Siberia, according to the Kremlin (if you click that link use Google Translate on the page). "The President of Russia expressed sincere gratitude for such attentive attitude and offer of help and support. Vladimir Putin replied that the Russian side would use it if necessary," the press release said.

Have you seen our new Women In Power cover?: Pick one up on the streets!

Another day, another House Democrat for an impeachment inquiry: The current tally is at 114, according to AP. Pelosi needs a 218-vote majority to push impeachment, but the mood is shifting. Expect lots of buzz when we pass the symbolic "majority of the majority" point, 118, when a majority of House Democrats will be for an impeachment inquiry.

Tomorrow is the last day to send your flag design for our unofficial People's Flag of Seattle: I'd like to spotlight this design, from Jeff Reifman, which took our already spermy Seattle flag and made it even spermier. Reifman talks about the flag design in a blog post here.

New-Seattle-Flag.png
Jeff Reifman

Zulily laid off an undisclosed number of people today: The layoffs were disclosed by GeekWire, which obtained a note to employees sent by Zulily CEO Jeff Yurcisin. He wrote that the business was at a "critical inflection point" and needed to make changes to its structure. Read Yurcisin's full memo here.

Washington State has its first woman and first lesbian House speaker: Laurie Jinkins. She'll be replacing Frank Chopp, who ran the caucus for 20 years.

Let's end with wild goats: "200 bah-bah bandits" (that's Seattle Times's baaaaaahd joke, not mine) ran through an Issaquah neighborhood after spending weeks eating vegetation that was difficult to get to by machine. See the rogues in action below. Don't miss the dog who enthusiastically tries to join their pack.