YOUR DARKEST FANTASY IN CLEATS
YOUR DARKEST FANTASY IN CLEATS. Courtesy of the XFL

Finally! A name for Seattle's newest sports team.

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No, no, not the NHL team. We don't know that info yet. I'm talking the highly anticipated, totally and definitely needed second football team for Seattle. Get ready to cheer on your…………… SEATTLE DRAGONS starting February 8, 2020.

The Seattle DRAGONS ("Breathing Fire") are a part of the XFL revival, an alternative football league to the National Football League (NFL) because, as all the men in my family agree, you can never have too much football.

Oliver Luck, the league commissioner, started Wednesday's team name announcements with the weirdly ominous statement: "The team names and logos were chosen exclusively to signify fun and football—nothing more."

FUN and FOOTBALL. NOTHING MORE. The Seattle DRAGONS are just for FUN. Look at how deadly serious this video is:

The original XFL crashed and burned in 2001 (a promotional blimp for the league literally crashed in Oakland too. Symbolism). Too dangerous, too raunchy, and maybe a little bit too much World Wrestling Entertainment than football, the XFL was sprung on an America that wasn't ready for it.

So that brings us to our present moment. The XFL: Take Two. XFL 2019: Reloaded. XFL: The Second One. Pick your sequel title. It's here. The Seattle DRAGONS (this name will only be written in caps) will be playing their games at CenturyLink Field.

Judging by the rest of the XFL team names, and the intensity of these promotional videos, there is NO ROOM for jokes in this XFL that will be pure spectacle. Here is the list of the Seattle DRAGONS' competition next year. After the team name is the team's little promotional catchphrase. It's meant to be paired with "February 2020" so like, "Seattle DRAGONS breathing fire in February 2020":

  • The St. Louis BATTLEHAWKS "CLEARED TO ENGAGE"
  • Tampa Bay VIPERS "READY TO STRIKE"
  • New York GUARDIANS "ON DUTY"
  • Seattle DRAGONS "BREATHING FIRE"
  • Los Angeles WILDCATS "UNLEASHED"
  • Washington D.C. DEFENDERS "TAKING THEIR STAND"
  • Houston ROUGHNECKS "GOING TO WORK FOR YOU"
  • Support The Stranger

  • Dallas RENEGADES "RAISING HELL"
  • See you all in February!

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