Cutters get capped, apparently.
Cutters get capped, apparently. CinematicFilm/Getty

Brazil tells G7 leaders where they can shove that $22 million: A Brazilian ambassador has rejected the (albeit meager) $22 million that Democratic leaders agreed to put toward fighting the Amazon fires. He turned down the money and then insulted French president Emmanuel Macron who is currently feuding with Brazil's president. It's a whole thing. “Thanks, but perhaps these resources are more relevant to reforesting Europe,” the ambassador said in an interview. And then he fucking twisted the knife and referenced the Notre Dame fire: "Can Macron not even prevent a predictable fire in a church that is a World Heritage Site and wants to teach what for our country? He has a lot to look after at home and in the French colonies.” There are 26,000 separate fires in the Amazon right now. What is happening??? What timeline are we on???

An update: Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro will take the money meant to save his country's environment (that will also save the world) only if Macron says sorry. Who is letting these fragile man-babies have so much power?

Homeless camp will be out of your hair soon, Green Lake: So you can quit your whining. Tent City 3, Seattle's oldest sanctioned homeless encampment, became homeless earlier this month after a permit at the University District church they were camping at expired. With nowhere to go, they took up residence in a vacant city lot between Green Lake and Ravenna. The controversial move was temporary and born out of desperation. However, after their plight was publicized, a church in Tukwila reached out to the encampment to offer the people a place to stay. Tent City 3 will be on the move again soon. They have moved about 90 times in 20 years.

The Seattle Storm is headed to the playoffs: Our WNBA team is on its way back to the playoffs where they will defend their championship title. The Storm is third in the Western Division and faces some challenges this time around with star players Breanna Stewart and Sue Bird out with injuries.

Things are getting steamy! Summer isn't ready for us to be done with it.

KOMO says winter will be wet and snowy: According to the Old Farmer's Almanac, this winter will be snow-heavy. I don't know how reliable that is as a source. I can't even think about snowstorms right now. Moving on.

Crime in West Seattle: Someone got arrested because of line-cutting to get on the ferry. A car cut in line, the person the car cut in front of got angry, and a different driver attempted to diffuse the situation by DRAWING A GUN. To reiterate what the West Seattle Blog wrote: "That didn't really help." The person who drew the gun was arrested. The line-cutter left the scene. The moral of the story? Don't cut in line. Don't draw your gun on people!

New Seattle Public Schools teacher contract expected to pass: Teachers will vote tonight. If the contract is approved, school will start as expected on September 4.

Bedbugs galore: Okay, I'm going to take a sliver of time to give air to this very niche internet joke. The New York Times reported yesterday that there were bedbugs in its newsroom. A bad thing. Then, the jokes. An associate professor at George Washington University tweeted that New York Times columnist Brett Stephens was the real bedbug at the Times. Stephens, blisteringly mad I guess, e-mailed the GWU professor to basically come say it to his face and call Stephens a bedbug in front of his wife and kids. The internet has taken this and run with it.

Stephens WENT ON MSNBC about this: Are you kidding??? Part of the joke here is that journalists—especially female journalists—are called FAR WORSE things than a bedbug on any given day. Okay, this has gotten enough airtime. Stephens will not be living this down anytime soon.

Johnson & Johnson feels the heat for role in opioid epidemic: Oklahoma has sued Johnson & Johnson for $572 million because the company allegedly downplayed the risks and talked up the benefits of taking opioids. This is the first case of a drug manufacturer being sued for contributing to the crisis that has killed more than 6,000 Oklahomans since 2000. The state said that it would need a whopping $17 billion to cover the damages from the opioid crisis. Johnson & Johnson is expected to appeal.

More Oklahoma news: There's a town that keeps flooding because a lake downstream is too full. The lake is a destination for the wealthy, while the flooded town is not wealthy. The issue of the lake's water level was sent to the US Congress, where Oklahoma senator James Inhofe, who owns a vacation house on that lake, got involved. Inhofe quietly made legislation that would protect the lake.

Will Trump lose the farmer vote? The trade war with China is no good for the economy. We know this. It's even worse for farmers who have lost their biggest customer. China is pivoting away from high tariffs and American goods and looking to places like Brazil and Canada to get goods. Farmers are pissed. Trump has rolled out a total of $28 billion in financial aid packages to compensate for fucking over the agricultural sector. Farmers are still panicking and many are losing patience. Hopefully, they channel this unease into their votes next year!!! That's probably too much to ask, though.

Madrid is flooded: All right, which white-water rafters are trying to raft down the narrow streets of Spain's capital?

What the fuck? There's a tornado, too?? Did Spain anger some weather god or what?

Indonesia's capital is completely fucked: Jakarta is polluted, crowded, and sinking into the ocean. So the president is moving the capital to a new place: Borneo, an island known for its orangutans and rain forests.

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Obligatory "the VMAs happened" blurb: Listen. I didn't watch the MTV Video Music Awards. You probably didn't watch the MTV VMAs, either. I saw a headline this morning about Taylor Swift doing some shit (I think she's finally realized that politics matter?), but I don't care about Swift or her new sickly sweet bubblegum-pop album. Instead, here's a medley of Lizzo performing, since the world can agree that Lizzo is good.

If Carli Lloyd becomes an NFL kicker, I will watch football: There. I said it. The US soccer star has received inquiries from NFL teams after a video of her kicking a 55-yard field goal with ease went viral. Lloyd has received several calls and even an offer from an as-of-yet-unnamed team to put her on the roster during a preseason game. PUT HER ON THE TEAM, YOU COWARDS. I will become a football fan if Carli Lloyd becomes a football player. I know that's not important to you, NFL, but it is important to some people in my life who watch way too much football!!

Tonight's best Seattle entertainment options include: A cookbook talk with Los Angeles–based pastry chef Nicole Rucker, a jazz show with the Otis Taylor Band, and a chance to hear from sci-fi writers Nisi Shawl and Jack Skillingstead at a reading of the anthology Wastelands.