This week's Savage Love Letters of the Day: Being alone sucks but men keep ghosting her on dating apps and it's making her crazy so maybe being alone is better? Loving husband and father has a collection of kinks so disgusting that first he can't even bring himself to name them. He's known about his dad's cross-dressing for twenties years but mom only found out recently and wants him to ask dad about it. Longtime cheater suddenly recognizes importance of monogamy after his wife starts cheating on him. And, of course, this week's Savage Love and Savage Lovecast.

First up, Call Me By Whatever Name wrote back...

Thank you for answering my letter. And especially for sitting me down with Doris. You know, you hear a song all your life, and you don't think how it applies to you. I always loved Doris Day. It's hard to believe she passed away, but I guess she's still around when we need her. What you wrote, that I love Spain, is absolutely true. I have loved it since I went there by myself when I was 21 years old. I could tell you what I've experienced there over the years, but it would fill a book. I was planning to move there a long time before I met my friend in Barcelona. Each time I went to Spain, I would have a deeper experience. I never went on a tour group, but people always seemed to come forward when I needed help. When I went to Barcelona and spent time with Aldo (my friend), it went to another level. But what you and Doris say is true, 'what will be, will be" and however it works out, you're right I'll be in Spain.

Regarding TOWNY...

Just read the letter from the 43-year-old woman with the 24-year-old boyfriend. You gave her very good advice—basically, that if her friends cannot deal with the situation they may have to review their assumptions. I say this as someone who divorced at 31 after nine years of marriage and has mainly dated older women since. My reasons: 1. I did not want any more kids and did not want to raise others I wanted a relationship with a woman, not another family, and 2. most single women the forties to fifties have their heads screwed on a lot better than women in their thirties or twenties, as they have made a place for themselves in the working world, etc. I dated ladies form twelve to nineteen years my senior until a few life events hit hard. But in all I had some of my best times socially , sexually and just down right good times with older ladies.

Some advice for SLAP from a few people who've been there...

Two suggestions for SLAP: If I understood correctly, she is setting up first time meetings without talking on the phone much first, if at all. My approach is to tell new friends right away that I'm a fossil and don't do well with text or chats. Any serious talk like scheduling a get-together is better on the phone. Perhaps SLAP should avoid chats, emails, sms, etc. My other suggestion is easier said than done perhaps, but find a co-ed activity that you don't mind attending by yourself even if you know 100% for sure that you won't meet anyone. Personally I love concerts and music festivals and when I go by myself I usually make at least one new friend of some sort. But art shows or mixed doubles tennis or even church would work. At the last Dead & Co show I met someone who is now the first person I'm dating since the end of my marriage—after twenty years!—so there's hope for anyone.

And...

I have been where SLAP is, and your advice is spot on. Being happy alone not only makes my life more full, but I think it sets me up to be a great partner when I meet someone who is worth my time. I no longer feel like I need to accept poor treatment just to avoid being single.
— Jen A (@awesomejen) September 10, 2019

And...

I needed this reminder that I’d rather be independent and in control of making myself happy than miserable and trapped in a relationship that causes more pain than it solves. The search for a partner is scary but so much better than my past. Thanks, Dan.
— Laura (@Storm_Dancer) September 10, 2019

A protip for Pegging Feels Different...

PFD might also want to consider a double-ended dildo for strapping on. Feeling like she’s getting pounded while thrusting against her husband might feel less like her body is unwanted and more like they’re both getting something great out of it.

Regarding the woman who called into the show because her large labia—and her asshole ex—were making her feel self-conscious...

I love your podcast and I’m a Magnum subscriber. I chose to write my answer rather than record it because my daughter listens to your podcast. My comment is in reference to the woman who has an outie vagina. I’ve been married to a wonderful woman for over twenty years who has an outie. A couple of years ago we started swinging and I’ve discovered a rather amazing variety of vagina types. I like them all, but I love outies! I find them much more responsive to oral sex and I love a woman coming in my mouth. Your caller just need to meet the right man who will worship what you bring to the bedroom! We’re out there.

Okay, we're going to leave it there! I hope everyone has a great weekend and we'll see you back here on Monday!