The Epstein autopsy results are in: Financier and convicted sex offender.Jeffrey Epstein was found dead in his federal prison cell in August. The circumstances around his death were suspicious, though the official line was that he had killed himself. However, Dr. Michael Baden, a former medical examiner for high-profile cases who was hired by Epstein's brother, has said that Epstein's autopsy shows injuries more related to homicidal strangling than suicide by hanging. The injuries he's talking about specifically are three fractures in Epstein's larynx. Those are uncommon in suicide deaths, Baden said. At this time, please keep your arms and legs safely inside the vehicle and place your tinfoil hats securely on your heads.
The Seattle Sounders are headed to the MLS Cup finals: The Seattle Sounders pulled out an incredible and unprecedented win down in Los Angeles yesterday against LAFC, the team with a record-breaking all-time winning season. But the Sounders handled LAFC with a 3-1 win. It got messy at the end when LAFC fans started dumping their beers on Sounders players. The Sounders will go on to face either Toronto or Atlanta. Fingers crossed it's Toronto, because that means the game will be held in Seattle, which would be a first in franchise history.
The new Syria: Syria is a mess. The United States' withdrawal and Turkey's incursion completely reshaped the power dynamics in the country. According to the New York Times, these are all the players that will reap the benefits of the change (also this is a map of it all if you're into that sort of thing, you sicko):
President Bashar al-Assad of Syria, who has expanded his control. Iran, which could gain a supply route to Hezbollah, its proxy in Lebanon. The Islamic State, which has an opening to regroup. Russia, which has been cemented as the main power in Syria.
Kirkland hit-and-run driver dies: A man rear-ended another car on I-405 in Kirkland. He sped away from the scene. And... plowed into a wall on 128th Street. He died trapped inside the van after it caught fire.
Who needs a period-tracker app when you have this elected official? Missouri's state health director tracked the periods of women who went to Planned Parenthood so that he could keep track of which patients had experienced failed abortions. He kept a spreadsheet of their menstrual cycles and tried to use this as a means to shutter the clinic.
Washington education gap widens: Between the highest and lowest performers. Test score results from the National Assessment of Educational Progress show averages that pretty much remained the same and in line with national averages. However, the difference in performance between low and high performers widened. This comes at a time when school officials in Seattle are debating ending "a specialized program for gifted and talented students in favor of gifted programs at each neighborhood school," according to the Seattle Times.
More exciting sports news: The World Series is exciting! And not just because President Donald Trump got booed at one of the games. The Washington Nationals and the Houston Astros are heading to game seven. This series has been weird, since neither team has won a game at home yet. Tensions are also high. Check out what happened during the singing of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" last night:
I just want to point out that this meltdown happened during "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" which is not clear on the Fox broadcast, and it's hilarious pic.twitter.com/pHFJwSmLMQ
— Timothy Burke (@bubbaprog) October 30, 2019
Brother charged in sister's murder and dismemberment: A 45-year-old Kenmore man has been charged with the murder of his younger sister. David Haggard, according to prosecutors, killed his half-sister, Jamie Haggard. She disappeared in 2016 and her burned and dismembered remains were found in a dumped suitcase two years later.
Headline of the week: Are 90% of giraffes gay – or have their loving looks been misunderstood?
Love a record-breaking chill: It's cold and dry!
🔷Welcome to the coldest October morning in 13 years! 🔷
Today’s low of 33 degrees marks the coldest temperature #Seattle has recorded in the month of October since Halloween of 2006.
— Seattle Weather Blog (@KSeattleWeather) October 30, 2019
A brush fire just broke out in Simi Valley, California: Simi is northeast of Los Angeles. The fire broke out this morning and quickly started heading toward neighborhoods, fueled by harsh Santa Ana winds. The winds are the worst of the season right now, ranging from 50 to 70 miles per hour and making firefighters' jobs all the harder.
A deadly house party in Long Beach, California: While I'm scouring the Los Angeles Times site, I may as well throw this in here. Nine people are injured and three are dead after someone opened fire at a party. Many of the victims were dressed up for Halloween. The suspect is still at large.
More on that deadly gender reveal: The Iowa gender-reveal explosion (aka a bomb with some colored powder in it) killed a 56-year-old woman who will now never get to know the gender of the baby. Chase told you this in Slog PM earlier this week. But did he tell you that the blast from the reveal was felt two miles away?
Bill Murray wants to work at P.F. Chang's: Bill Murray said he filled out an application to work at the P.F. Chang's restaurant at the Atlanta airport because it's "one of the great places" and " looks like the best time." P.F. Chang's has since extended a job offer to Bill.
RIP to John Witherspoon: The comedian and actor is dead at 77.
Amanda Knox is starting an advice column: The former UW student acquitted of a murder in Italy is starting an advice column on West Seattle's local blog, Westside Seattle.