Washington's second-highest paid state employee steps down: University of Washington's head football coach Chris Petersen, whose .793 career winning percentage "ranks second among active coaches with at least five years of FBS experience," announced today that he will "transition into an advisory role for UW Athletics," according to the Seattle Times. Petersen will give more details on his decision at a press conference tomorrow, but his reasons for taking on a cush consulting job are less interesting to me than the fact that this guy raked in 3.47 million in tax payer dollars last year while the university's adjunct instructors were enrolling in SNAP just so they can put food on the table. Defensive coordinator Jimmy Lake, who makes $3 million a year as Postdocs struggle for stability and medical residents haggle for a safe ride home program, will replace Petersen.
Other gripping football news: The Stranger has obtained documents showing that, over the weekend, UW Huskies won the "Apple Cup" against their ancient rivals, the Washington State University Cougars, largely by "throwing" the ball. Meanwhile, the Seattle Seahawks are poised to make the playoffs this year, according to The New York Times. That's all for me, a sports reporter.
Actually, I do have one more sports-related thing:
Visit our Seattle Fire booth at tonight’s Seahawks game to learn hands-only CPR and a bonus skill...new dance moves! #CPRsaveslives #Hesgotmoves pic.twitter.com/oqfbTVgEfq
— Seattle Fire Dept. (@SeattleFire) December 3, 2019
This firefighter is disco dancing while administering CPR to a dummy because the Bee Gees's smash hit, "Stayin' Alive," clocks in at 100 beats per minute, which is the speed the American Heart Association recommends for doing CPR. For more cynical students, instructors recommend pumping to the beat of Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust."
I have zero context for this, but Slog law dictates I show this to you:
Steve Ballmer and Bill Gates once made an Austin Powers parody video pic.twitter.com/jahpuRg2nR
— Jon Erlichman (@JonErlichman) December 2, 2019
Moldy Children's hospital draws more lawsuits: Today lawyers made their case for a class action lawsuit against Seattle Children's Hospital, which has, according to the hospital's own internal investigation, had a bad Aspergillus mold problem for decades. "The hospital’s air-handling system likely caused mold infections of 14 patients over 18 years. Six of those patients died," reports the Seattle Times. "But the lawyers in one of those lawsuits claim the number of affected patients is much higher – 'dozens if not hundreds,' attorney Brad Moore said."
Teen brings Sen. Elizabeth Warren to tears: At a Warren rally in Iowa, according to ABC, a 17-year-old from the "LGBTQ community" named Raelyn asked the 2020 presidential candidate if she'd ever dealt with rejection from someone she really looked up to, and if so how she managed it. In response, Warren to told a story straight out of a Jane Austen novel. Her mom wanted her to "marry well," and she expressed disappointment when Warren called to say that wasn't happening. Warren then gave Raelyn a hug, and a number of people on Twitter are expressing positive feelings about all of this.
"Give me a hug": 2020 candidate Elizabeth Warren shares emotional moment with young voter over struggle for acceptance. https://t.co/jLnK3wX6rU pic.twitter.com/TXpKy5XQH6
— ABC News (@ABC) December 2, 2019
24-year-old man shot in South Delridge: He was "delivering an item sold on a secondhand-goods website," according to the Seattle Times, and remains in "serious condition" at Harborview.
Joe Biden doesn't see much enthusiasm for Warren: Today in Iowa, the Democratic frontrunner (in states not named Iowa or New Hampshire) said Sen. Warren's campaign lacked the enthusiasm people credit it for, reports Bloomberg. He also accused Mayor Pete, who seems to have stolen some of Warren's thunder, of stealing his public option plan.
Trump is coming for French wine: Now this fucker won't even let you drown your sorrows with a decently priced bottle of Côtes du Rhône. After France taxed American tech companies, today Trump threatened to put 100% tariffs on French imports, says the New York Times. And that's on top of a 25 percent tariff Trump levied on France two months ago.
Another bad headline for Boeing: "Evacuation slide falls off a Boeing plane — and into someone’s front yard in Milton"
Lil BUB is dead: No, Lil BUB was not a Soundcloud rapper, Lil BUB was a cat. She was a viral internet sensation, and Stranger digital editor Chase Burns once guarded her with his life (along with Grumpy Cat). When he met her, he "did not think she was a real cat, she seemed to be one of those Country Bear Jamboree animatronics," but her owner confirmed to him that she was, in fact, "alive." Now she is dead. And speaking of Chase Burns, he is not dead. He is working on other projects this week. I'll be taking over Slog PM until his glorious return. We got through Day 1 just fine. See you tomorrow.