Sound off in the comments about how In-N-Out is obviously the best fast food burger.
Sound off in the comments about how In-N-Out is obviously the best fast-food burger. Ima Tommaso Boddi/Getty

Who else woke up to a thousand push notifications about Boris Johnson winning? The big buffoon from the Conservative Party swept the floor in the British election. Well, really, the Conservative Party swept the floor. It was their biggest win since Margaret Thatcher was a thing. I think everyone is looking at this and then back to the US's 2020 election and then back to this and breaking into cold sweats, hives, and an endless bout of existential dread. Johnson is ready to really "get Brexit done" this time, and Scotland has said it's looking into an independence referendum after the election results.

Director of homelessness agency suspended for drag-queen performance: It was just an agency conference! Kira Zylstra, All Home's director, decided to hire a drag performer named Beyoncé Black St. James who "danced topless in a sheer bodysuit, gave lap dances, and kissed attendees," the Seattle Times reports. Zylstra had not told anybody about the dance, just that there was going to be “Lunch with Cultural Presentation." She's been placed on leave.

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Okay, maybe the impeachment vote will come today: The House Judiciary Committee is meeting today after yesterday's 14-hour debate and surprise postponement of the vote. Likely, the vote will go along party lines and pass and then head to the full House. If the articles of impeachment are approved there, then hello, impeachment trial in the Senate in 2020.

Yep, here we go: Both articles of impeachment have been passed.

No scooters on the sidewalks: When Seattle finally gets electric scooters (it's a when now, not just an if), they won't be allowed on the sidewalk. SDOT is currently trying to change city law to allow the scooters in bike lanes. The pilot program is planned to launch next year, and there will be "20,000 rentable bikes and scooters." How many of each? Who's to say. Give us the scooters.

Three-digit suicide hotline gets the green light: The Federal Communications Commission is allowing a suicide hotline to get a shortcut on US phone lines. Dialing 988 will get callers in touch with mental-health support. It will take around 18 months to implement.

In-N-Out is getting closer: In-N-Out Burger is making its way, slow and steady, up the coast. I'm sitting here with arms out, rocking back on my heels unsteadily, and mouthing the words "Come to Papa" over and over. A new In-N-Out just opened in Keizer, Oregon. That's 217 miles! Doable. And obviously, me writing this and salivating over the possibility of eating a Double-Double Animal Style is me conveniently forgetting that In-N-Out donates to conservative campaigns. Fuck.

The LAPD officer who fondled a dead woman's breast is charged: The Los Angeles Police Department officer's bodycam recorded him as he inappropriately touched a woman's corpse. He has been arrested and charged with felony violation of state safety codes that prohibit "having sexual contact with human remains without authority." The LA Police Protection League, which normally defends all of its officers, has explicitly refused to represent this officer.

The Seattle Times just canceled Wild Ginger: With this restaurant review.

A food desert persists in South Seattle: There's only one grocery store in Sodo (I'm not counting the membership-required Costco in this), and it's about to close. Grocery Outlet is the main grocery store for Sodo, Georgetown, and South Park residents. It's also super-affordable. The store announced that it will be closing. This KOMO article really tries to force the point that crime and homelessness are causing the store to close, despite the owners specifically saying that crime and homelessness are not the reason.

The rain will stop: Hello, partly cloudy weekend, nice to see you.

There's no electric sign-stealing in baseball: The Houston Astros have been accused of using a television camera to steal signs. My sources tell me that "signs are visual codes (usually dome-type of hand signal like tapping your cap or swiping across your chest) teams use to communicate plays." The MLB has been investigating the Astros for the past three seasons, has interviewed "60 witnesses, 76,000 e-mails, a whole additional trove of instant messages."

Things you didn't know you needed to see: An octopus absolutely wrecking this bald eagle. This took place of the northern coast of Vancouver Island.

Subway employee stages robbery at the Subway she works at: In order to "teach one of the employees a lesson about what could happen late at night in that part of town." She and her accomplice were arrested.

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English retirement home resident wishes for sexy stripper: The resident placed her Christmas wish on the "wishing tree." It was to have a firefighter stripper with big biceps and a big chest come visit and dance. The retirement home granted the wish. "I thought that he was amazing—I wish he could visit us every day," said the resident who made the request, writes the BBC.

A fun fact for your Friday: There's a river in Albania called the Seaman. It has the largest discharge volume in the country.

This weekend's EverOut picks are: Velocity's Next Fest NW, Cucci Binaca's performance arts festival Cucchella, and the Renegade Craft Fair. See more on our EverOut Things To Do calendar.

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