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105

@100 Mtn. Beaver: WA-HOOOO!!!! Congrats on scoring this comment thread's Big Hunsky Award! Savor the much envied riches and glory. :)

107

BiDanFan@83: Self-reflection is useful for everyone, single or not. But telling people "if all your relationships have failed, the problem is probably you" is in fact blaming them and not helpful.

Harriet @88: We're specifically talking about people who are unhappily single. And yes, looking for patterns can be helpful. But "you are the constant in all your failed relationships" is not helpful, because it is a truism. It's not actually a pattern because it is always true.

Philophile @95: I'm well aware that life is full of pain and danger. That's why I don't think it's helpful to assume that if someone is single it has to mean they're doing something wrong. The people who push that argument the hardest are probably doing so because they would like to believe that they are NOT single because they are doing everything RIGHT. If it's just bad luck to be single then that could mean it's just good luck that they're not, and that means they're not so special.

The reality is that there are some things you can do different or better, but there are also some things you can't control. As cockyballsup says @49, "there are indeed a lot of psychos, gaslighters, and schemers out there, some of them are indeed women, and yes, it's not uncommon to run into more than one in a row." Sometimes you're single because you're doing something wrong, and sometimes you're just unlucky. And sometimes you're in a relationship because you have your shit together, and sometimes you're just lucky.

That said, LW does strike me as someone whose communication and interpersonal judgment skills could use a lot of work. I just don't think that's true of everyone who's single.


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