Yes, I am coming to a gay man for pregnancy sex advice. I've been reading your column for years and know what you're going to say, but need to hear you actually say it.

The situation: I am 5.5 months pregnant with a fuck buddy's baby. Fuck buddy is sticking around for the kid and that's it. I am in my second trimester and hornier than any time in the history of my sexual life. He won't touch me. He has no desire for sex. I'm 36, he's 50. We share a bed every night but we do not have sex. In fact, we have had sex four times in the entire duration of my pregnancy. I don't even think that makes him a fuck buddy anymore...

I bought a $250 vibrator and it is magic, but I need the real thing! But my fuck buddy and the father of my baby is unwilling to touch me, let alone having sex with me. I mentally cannot get over the idea of having sex with anyone aside from the father of my unborn baby while I am pregnant. He is not having sex with anyone else and I can confirm that.

So what the fuck am I supposed to do here? I find myself drifting into fantasy looking at every man that walks by thinking about what his dick tastes like. Obviously, I have spoken kindly, I have listened to what he has to say (which is, "I just don't want to have sex—not just with you, but at all"), I have begged, I have cried, I have bargained. I am getting nothing. It's starting to affect my self esteem. I am pregnant and my self esteem is so low with how big everything is on my body—I can't see my feet. I am worried if I have sex with someone else that I will always have this guilt that my baby was next to a different dick than what made it... but my vibrator is not cutting it for me anymore.

You're gonna tell me to toughen up and ignore my feelings and just get out there and fuck someone, right? Where do I start! Tinder? I'm in a city where everyone knows everyone... what are my options?

Sad Mama

There are guys out there who have pregnancy fetishes—this is an observation, not an endorsement (but it's not not an endorsement either)—and your fuckbuddy clearly isn't one of those guys. But if you wanted to fuck a guy who was absolutely, positively psyched to put his dick in the general vicinity of your unborn baby... you could definitely make that happen for yourself. Fetlife would be a better option than Tinder, SM, and you could search for guys who don't live in the city where you do. (A guy with a hard-to-fulfill pregnancy fetish would be more than willing to travel to make it happen for himself.)

But the guilt! The guilt! What about the guilt??

Well, do you anticipate feeling guilty about putting your baby near a strange man's dick or is it the thought of cheating on your fuckbuddy that's the issue? If it's the latter, SM, you shouldn't feel guilty about that, as you wouldn't be cheating your fuckbuddy out of anything he wants. And if it's still a fuckbuddy arrangement—despite living together and having a kid on the way—aren't you free to seek sex elsewhere? Isn't that the point of a fuckbuddy arrangement?

Perhaps I should say, "You may not be cheating your fuckbuddy out of anything he wants right now." Some men are uncomfortable putting their own dicks next to the babies what they made, SM, and most men who feel this way—men who aren't attracted to their pregnant partners—know better than to say that out loud. So many of these men will "lose interest" in sex with anyone for the duration of their partner's pregnancies since losing interest is less likely to hurt their partners' feelings than telling them the truth. You may find your fuckbuddy is interested in sex again once the baby comes—but that doesn't help you right now. (And judging from my mail... many new mothers lose interest in sex after the baby comes.)

If the guilt is about letting some strange man put his cock bear your unborn baby... that's not a feeling I think you should ignore, SM, as you're likely to feel worse immediately after you fuck some other man. I don't think you should feel bad about it, but if you're feeling like you're gonna feel bad about it in your desperately horny state... yeah... that's not a feeling you should ignore, as it's highly likely to intensify when you're feeling less horny, SM, which is how you'll be feeling immediately after you have sex with some other man. So if this is the source of your guilt... gutting out the next 3.5 months with the help of that pricey vibrator might be a better idea than seeking sex elsewhere.