I mean, let's just say it did. I consider it a dodged bullet. If you have a consistent sexual relationship with someone then consent to touch their butt over their clothes in reasonable circumstances (just hanging out in bed) should be kind of implied.

And if it didn't, the outcome is still the same -- Daddy's gone. Something must not have been clicking for him. Pack it up and move on :)

BGTMFDY--Be grateful the mother fucker dumped you.

This reminds me of stories I've heard of old remedies where if someone started feeling better they'd make note of everything happening at the time, and that would become the 'cure'. "On a full moon while a three-legged cat howls and the cows are stamping their feet, drink warm goat milk infused with straw and honey with your left foot touching the floor and your right one tucked under you."

The guy was probably already on his way out and (like many things we once found charming in a partner but become annoying in a soon-to-be ex) the ass grab was no longer fun for him.

Am I the only one that had to read this like three times to figure out what was going on? The butt-touch seemed so innocuous I couldn't even figure out what cause and effect the LW was getting at.

LW you're doing the thing that lots of people do, gay straight or otherwise--where when you're dumped you look for reasons and explanations, because the human brain likes closure.

Unfortunately, in many relationships, serious and casual.... you'll never get the closure you crave. You need to take Dan's words and let it be the end, rather than using them to find another reason Daddy dumped you. Getting okay with lack of closure, loose ends and unknowns is a major life skill-- and you'll be happier if you learn it. The longer you grasp at straws for answers the longer it'll take you to get over the loss. Best of luck

LW, you sound like a considerate partner... Wishing you the best luck to find someone as considerate as you! As for insecurities, sometimes just a simple direct question is the best route... while assuming that things are okay until proven otherwise. (Unfortunately you can't ask your ex, but hope this helps for the future.)

I'm a pretty insecure, codependent person myself, so I understand... Thankfully I've worked out on it a lot (it's hard work!). I believe in you to do that work too, when you next have the chance.

Dafuq?

If I had to guess, I’d say the Daddy’s response may have had less to do with where he was touched and more to do with what he was looking at on his phone.

@5 Yes. This. Closure is internal. Essential life lesson.

So much to love in today's SLLOTD: first, there's Dan's perfect phrase: "the butt stuff equivalent of a peanut allergy," which will get me through many a dark hour.

Then there's KBW's comment @ #3. I'd never heard that before, but it makes sense and rings so true (and so funny). Except I'd make it: ""On a full moon while a three-legged cat howls and the cows are stamping their feet, take 20 mgs of Amoxicillin as you drink warm goat milk infused with straw and honey with your left foot touching the floor and your right one tucked under you.""

And all the commentors with compassion, at #s 4, 5, and 6, rather than ridicule. Thank you. The world seems very fucking harsh lately, and it's nice to see a little peace, love, and understanding.

Sometimes people appear to seriously over-react to extremely innocuous things. I've had two relationships (or one relationship and one would-be relationship) end abruptly in similar ways. I mean, not at all in similar ways, in that there was no jean-clad butt-touching involved, but in similar ways, in that in the first instance, I made what was supposed to be a silly little joke and the guy I'd been involved with for years blew up and shrieked invective at me and then hung up on me and we didn't speak again (except several years later, when he approached me on a dating website to say, "Hey, how are you? Despite the way things ended, I hold very fond memories of you and and us and think of our years together as a very successful relationship" [this is a direct quote]. In case anyone's wondering, I didn't bother to answer his message). The other time, I'd gone on two dates with a guy and there was lots of bantering and flirting and I had hopes for some very steamy sex. And then he suggested a restaurant for dinner that I hate and when I said it really wasn't one I liked, and could we go someplace else, he blew all the way up. There was an email-tirade and I was told off for being a difficult, controlling bitch. It was downright bizarre and actually a little scary. All I could imagine was that something had triggered something really ugly for him, or that he had deliberately been testing me and I failed his esoteric test. Which I guess was good to find out as early as after only 2 dates.

But the thing is, you'll never know what set him off, nor why, if he was wanting to be done with you, he chose that moment and that way of conveying that message, not to mention the real reason he wanted to be done. It's confusing and it stings, but this really was a "him" problem or a "the two of you" problem (for him), and not a "you" problem. Try not to let it get to you so much, and try to not overthink it too much.

As for the rules of what doms like, I think there are no such rules and that as doms are people, they are bound to like and dislike different things.

100000% LW enjoys the performative anxiety of reviewing their each and every action as part of their kink. Nothing to see here.

I wonder if Daddy being on the phone had something to do with the instant dumping. Were there any prior non-sexual interactions that he may have interpreted as intrusive or disrespectful? Was “affection” out of the equation in this relationship?

Does sound scary nocute. I don’t have the energy for loopy anymore.. just plain lost patience for it. I’m with Satre. Hell is ( some) other people.

Thank god for vanilla.

LW, whatever you call a relationship, it is a relationship. If this rude man just dumped you with no reason and all you can think is he was upset re you touching his arse thru his jeans..
why don’t you clear this up and ask him what happened? Maybe in your wish to play a role your authentic self has gone missing and he got bored.

@15 LavaGirl - a very good point. Also, perhaps the Daddy found his authentic self disappearing under the demand to be always in control.

Go for the trouser snake next time.

MMATT is describing a Daddy/boy relationship, which is a specific D/s dynamic. Playfulness and physical affection are attributes that a daddy usually appreciates in a little. Sometimes, however, it is important that a little recognizes that even in a 24/7 DD/(lg-lb) relationship, daddy may need his little to be big and mature too, otherwise, being a daddy becomes exhausting.

It may be that MMATT’s little side was taxing his daddy’s patience, for example, by being playful while his daddy was doing something important on the phone.

Of course it could be that his daddy just wasn’t feeling a good connection with MMATT’s little side.

The butt stuff equivalent of a peanut allergy! Dan, you definitely raise more laughs than a therapist ever could.

Yeah, I'm going with coincidence -- what was he doing on his phone? Perhaps he had just received a message concerning a death in the family or something, and it was particularly bad timing for a butt grab. Which you couldn't have known, and any sane human would have understood and forgiven you, so either there was other stuff going on or he overreacted monumentally and you're well rid.

Smade @14, sorry, but vanilla people are just as capable of overreacting and dumping people with little to no explanation. MMATT's referring to his ex as "Daddy" instead of "my boyfriend" is beside the point.

Lava @15, good point. MMATT is entitled to ask Daddy for an explanation of why he was dumped. Doesn't mean he's guaranteed to get one, but he does have the right to ask.

Ms Lava - What scares me for LW is that this may well be his authentic self, and that, in a riff on Lady Bertram, he thinks agency as unnecessary for any Daddy's Boy as it is unpleasant to himself (in Lady B's case, it was exercise, when her response to the death of the pony Fanny rode for health rather than pleasure was that there would be no harm in waiting from May to September when Sir Thomas would be home from Antigua to settle the matter himself). I can see the appeal to LW of the existence of really strict rules, but he's way overgeneralizing. I hope LW learns how to negotiate for what parameters suit himself best rather than seeking to impose universal standards.

@10 nocutename
Wow those were terrible over-reactions, I'm so sorry they happened to you.

They remind me of a time (that unlike you) I had actually made a small mistake and lost a friend. (In fact a repeated pattern by this friend.) I still remember something my therapist said about them: "So you're not allowed to make a mistake?"

I, who have plenty of serious food intolerances, second nocute and BDF in that I find "the butt stuff equivalent of a peanut allergy" hilariously funny.

Now, to answer the question in the headline, "Did Grabbing Daddy's Ass Ruin Everything?", as far as I can tell: no, it didn't ruin anything, quite the contrary. It saved the LW from a lot of problems, coz that daddy is a moron. As curious says @22, "So you're not allowed to make a mistake?"

Nocute @ 10 - I'm glad for you that you didn't answer the message... although I probably would have said "Because of the way you ended things, I do not hold any fond memories of you and us, and I think of our years together as a total waste of my time".

@nocute: I feel a strong urge to say something like "Bitches be crazy." Only I can't find the appropriate translation for dudes. But damn, those dudes be crazy. Sorry.

I'm (a) strict top and (b) that mouse in the meme. But I would never dump someone solely for that reason (although it might constitute a final straw if things had been building toward a breakup anyway). My feeling is that if LW had no idea this was coming and wonders if the butt grab torched an otherwise perfect relationship, it almost certainly didn't--the relationship was over anyway and that's probably why the butt grab got that reaction, not the other way around. And while I'd be seriously annoyed if anyone touched my ass without my explicit consent, I don't think that's some kind of Top Rule (not that I'd mind if it were, but I don't think it factually is).

Don't let it ruin your enjoyment of anyone's ass, is all I'm saying. Chances are another person at another time would have enjoyed it as much as you did.

@Dadddy: Good luck and hope you have fun with the dating thing (again).

@Dadddy, curious2, Ricardo, ciods, LavaGirl: Thanks for the support. For sure, there are a lot of unstable people out there. I just hope I'm not one of them!

Ciods @25, dudes can be bitches too. "People be cray-cray" works for me.

Did anyone else think that perhaps Daddy was messaging the guy he was cheating on MMATT with, and that's why the butt grab was ill-timed?

Dadddy @28: That's kind; thanks! If I lived within a reasonable radius of Seattle, I'd totally take you out for a game of pool and a beer sometime.

Bi @29: Although the word "bitch" has morphed enough during my lifetime and in my lexical circles that it is no longer automatically the one-dimensional insult it was in my youth, but rather requires context to interpret, to my ears it still sounds like it applies exclusively to women (unless preceded by "little").

And yes, I also had that thought about the butt-grab timing!

Who thinks this way? "I've done a bunch of butt stuff to my top daddy, but one time I touched his butt and I think he dumped because of that and now I'm afraid to touch any top's ass." That's not how you draw conclusions from evidence.

Ms Ods - The Barbara Bush Word (for those who recall that she called Ms Ferraro "something that rhymes with rich" and then later said she'd been thinking of "witch") can be highly contextual. It's been around in MM circles long enough, and I've even seen it used in novels set in Victorian public schools as an equivalent to "rhymes with bag" for a junior boy essentially treated as a slave by a senior for a given period.