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College student here. Twenty-two, on the East Coast. Here’s the thing: my whole life I’ve been raised in a typical “toxic masculinity” environment. I was very involved in sports. My parents aren’t necessarily homophobic, but I had a private school/religious school upbringing since the second grade. It wasn’t until high school I realized I was gay but I ignored it. Once I got to college, however... I really started exploring last year. The weird thing is, I’m a very masculine “man’s man” type but I enjoy role reversal. I love being treated like a bitch basically. I love it when guys dominate me and my muscles. It feels “wrong” but so right. A lot of guys my age aren’t about it, though. Any advice on how to get my fix/my kink across?

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Boys Decline Sub Muscle

Take a guy who’s into piss or bondage. Most guys his age—whatever his age—aren’t going to be about that. The trick to finding someone who's "about" piss or bondage or being dominated, BDSM, is to keep asking for what you want. Getting your kink across—being open and unashamed about your kinks—is how you get your kink fix. And a willingness to risk asking for what you want from the guys you actually want it from, i.e. guys your own age (which I'm hoping isn't your only criteria), is the only way to find the guy/guys who is/are right for you and your lats.

And here's a protip: don’t immediately dismiss guys who initially balk at your kink but who are still interested in hooking up with you or hooking up with you again. (After the lockdown is over! You shouldn't be hooking up with anyone you don't live with right now!) Exploring your kinks with someone who's game to give them a try—and the hotter you are, BDSM, the more game guys you'll find—might mean a little halting, awkward sex at first. But sometimes a vanilla guy will surprise you (and surprise himself) and your kinks will click for him and—Yahtzee!—suddenly your kinks are his kinks and vice-versa.

There are two types of guys at big kink gay kink/fetish events like IML and MIR and Folsom: the guys who were always kinky and the guys who fell in love with those guys and grew into kink. You can find guys who already know they’re kinky on Recon, the gay fetish dating app, but don't assume the guys you meet on “normal” dating apps like Grindr or in school (once they open again) or at the gym (once they open again) aren't kinky themselves (some are!) or couldn't get kinky given the right incentive (your pecs could be that incentive).

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But no hooking up in person with anyone right now. Sexting, video chats, and dirty texts for the time being. Don't mistake being young and strong for being invincible—and don't put the older folks in your life at risk.


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Listen to my podcast, the Savage Lovecast, at www.savagelovecast.com.

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