I'm a 23-year-old, single genderqueer (and any-gender-dating) dick-possessor. I've played a few times with chastity devices, and each experience has been excruciatingly painful. I would love your help determining if this is a matter of my body not being compatible with chastity or if there's a device/method that would work better for me.
Some details that might help: I'm most interested in chastity as a way of de-centering my cock from the pleasure and sensations that I feel during sex and other kinky play. I'm open to trying it longterm, but I'm focused really on using it for scenes/sex that lasts a few hours at most. A factor in this is that I get hard very easily (like I'm a damn teenager) but also come quickly. I'm pretty good about communicating what works for me to partners and not too self-conscious about it—it's a physiological quirk—but it does get in the way of really enjoying scenes and sex, since I have to focus on not coming (and it definitely gets in the way of topping). While I've looked into some options to handle it (sprays didn't work and I want to prioritize psychiatric needs for meds), I honestly enjoy non-dick pleasure more—hence locking my dick up so that it's a non-factor seems appropriate.
However, the getting hard easily issue seems to be getting in the way. I've tried several cages: a cheap plastic one, a Holy Trainer, and a silicone one. With the silicone one, it bends and stretches, uncomfortably constricting me and making the "not being able to touch it" purpose ineffective. The hard plastics, on the other hand, get incredibly painful after about twenty minutes, especially when I am hard, like a burning/stretching, to the extent that I have to end/safeword out of the scene—and I'm of average size so it's not an issue of completely incompatible fit.
I would really appreciate it if you had any advice for me on options that fit my desires and limitations! Because I want to be...
Locked & Loaded
First, you should only be enjoying sex and other forms of kinky play with people you live with, L&L, as I'm sure you're aware. (Your letter arrived before the pandemic was declared and the lockdowns started.) You can get together with new partners or people you don't live with online—you can play via text, DM, or video chat—until physical distancing orders are lifted.
Second, I passed your question along to Cagedjock, a porn star and long-time/longterm chastity player. Cagedjock has been locked since August of 2015, as he shared in this interview, and his videos, tweets, and articles have inspired scores of gay men, queer men, and other penis-havers to explore chastity play. Cagedjock was kind enough to send a long and very informative response to your question, L&L, so I'm turning over the rest of today's post to Cagedjock. — Dan
These questions are really good and L&L is not alone with these issues.
Chastity fetish is a super sexy kink and I'm so glad to see it taken off within the past few years. More and more people are dipping their feet into the amazing world that chastity kink has to offer. Just like any fetish, there needs to be knowledge and techniques in order to enjoy and find pleasure.
Most of the time, guys want to experiment with cages is because they want to further explore their submissive side. I find it refreshing to hear that L&L wants to experiment with it because they wants to control their premature ejaculation which, understandably, can take the fun away when you're having sex. There's something so erotic about losing your ability to jerk off and having to depend on your Dominant in order to receive pleasure. It makes the mind go wild. Also, learning to cum through anal stimulation is such a feat that once achieved, L&L, you might not want to cum through jerking off ever again.
The problems L&L stated are pretty common and this is due to many factors: ring size, tube size, gap size (the space between the ring and the tube), the material, the design of the cage, whether or not they shaved and if they kept their genitals moisturized. So let me walk through a couple of steps to make L&L chastity journey a bit easier.
Most chastity cages on the market are mass-produced so that's why it's tricky to find one that fits just right unless you do custom made which is not something I would advise for a first-time user simply because it's expensive and you might end up not liking it.
Here's the anatomy of a cock cage:
The one measurement most people don't talk about is the gap—the space between the ring and the opening of the tube—since most people just talk about the ring and the tube size. (For an in-depth read about finding the right chastity size I would recommend L&L to read this article I wrote.) If you have high and tight balls then the gap should be wider to accommodate the extra skin. If you have low hanging balls then you will need a smaller gap. The smaller gap is also good if you have small balls since the gap prevents your balls from slipping through. Your gap space can change if you practice chastity play on a regular basis because the cage will stretch the skin; as time goes by, there will come a day when you’ll need a cage with a smaller gap. Since your first cage won’t be custom made, look at the design of the cage you want to purchase and ask yourself if the gap looks right for your testicles.
The material plays a crucial role in comfort and fit. The most popular materials are hard plastic, silicone, and metal. I completely agree with L&L about the soft silicone: if you get hard and the material bends, it defeats the purpose of chastity play. Which leads to us to hard plastic and metal. Metal can be a bit heavy and drags your dick down so I don't recommend it for first-time users; hard plastic is a safer bet. Try not to purchase cages made of cheap materials on Amazon because most of the time these sellers recycled materials and that can irritate your skin.
I own a plastic Holy Trainer and it's actually quite comfortable. Before I put it on I always make sure that I shaved clean because if any hair gets caught on the hinges it'll pull. I also always moisturize my entire genital area before putting it on because a cage that is dried is similar to that of a car running with no oil. Chances are the burning sensation L&L got was because he didn't moisturize. Don't use synthetic moisturizers like lotion, lube, vaseline, etc because they don't retain moisture long. They get dried very quickly, trust me. You can use coconut oil or shea butter, they retain moisture very well and will give your skin a soothing comfort so that when the ring touches your skin it reduces irritations.
Putting on a chastity cage is also very important. The easiest way for you to do it is to cut a little square using a plastic grocery bag. Find the center of the square and put it in the cage through the hole that allows you to piss, pull the bag just a little, put your cock in then slightly pull the bag. This technique will snug your cock like a glove. (You can watch an instructional video here.)
You will not get the perfect-fitting cage on your first few tries. Don’t let this deter you from discovering the joy of chastity fetish and the benefits it can bring. Finding the right cage is like dating. Just because the first few dates don't work out doesn’t mean you should give up finding your Prince Charming. Also, if you end up getting the wrong cage, don’t throw it away. Add the cage to your own collection so you can play with your fuck buddy who wants to experience chastity play.
Hope that helps! — Cagedjock
Dan again: You can follow Cagedjock on Twitter @Cagedjock and he's on Instagram under the same handle.
And before we go... I gotta say... this is what you'll find in Cagedjock's Twitter bio: "Donate $10+ to any charity organization. Email receipt for free access to my justforfans/onlyfans page." And here's what Cagedjock is tweeting:
And here's what my good friend Trenton Ducati, gay porn star and director, is posting:
View this post on Instagram
@DesertAIDS and @TrentonDucati announce a new collaborative for sexual stigma busting in the age of COVID-19. Despite social distancing in the age of COVID-19, people are putting themselves and others at risk by seeking in-person hookups, using social media apps. “I’m ecstatic to work with DAP to get the message out,” said Trenton Ducati. “Let’s save our community by turning on some porn and staying home.” Visit desertaidsproject.org/dap-and-trenton-ducati to find out how you can protect yourself and your community!
And here's what the medical fetishists are doing:
A medical fetish company says it has donated its entire stock of disposable scrubs to the NHS. MedFet UK did it after being contacted by procurement representatives struggling to find the right equipment amid the coronavirus pandemic.... "When we, a tiny company set up to serve a small section of the kink community, find ourselves being sought out as a last-resort supplier to our National Health Service in a time of crisis," MedFet UK posted to Twitter, "something is seriously wrong. In fact, it’s scandalous. Let’s be under no illusions, this is the result of a decade of chronic underfunding and cuts which has left the NHS barely able to cope under normal circumstances, much less when faced with the onslaught of a global pandemic. It did not, and should not, have to be this way."
And here's what pastors at megachurches doing and here's what the leaders of evangelical colleges are doing and here's what preachers with access to the highest level of government are saying.
But gay men and porn stars and kinksters are the depraved ones.