I'm a gay man married to a wonderful man. For most of our 12-year relationship, we've had a boring sexual script that is all about him getting blown. He just doesn't seem interested in much else, and although we've talked about it over the years, nothing has really changed. He is selfish in bed. He's a wonderful husband otherwise, and I love him deeply. Recently, he was out of town, and in a weak moment, I ended up meeting an experienced spanking Dom. We've met several times, and I'm counting the days until he whales on my butt again. Not in my wildest imagination could or would my husband EVER do something like this with me. He just doesn't have it in him. I am more sexually fulfilled than I have been in a decade. I'm also lying and cheating. I'm deeply torn. If I tell my husband, my guess is that he won't take it well. It could cause our marriage to unravel. If I keep lying, I bear the moral burden of the lie, and he could find out anyway.

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Still Professing A Normal Kink

We all have sexual limits, we're all entitled to our sexual limits, but expecting your spouse to do nothing but blow you for twelve years isn't a limit. It's bullshit, SPANK. Your husband's complete disregard for your feelings—for your needs and your own sense of sexual fulfillment—tips over into the sexual abandonment category. His actions don't excuse your affair, of course, but horniness, frustration, and duress drove you to this, and your husband has to take his fair share of the responsibility for your low-stakes, low-risk "affair."

You say your marriage might unravel if you were to tell your husband about this spanking. But whatever the fallout might be—the end of your marriage or renegotiated terms that allow you to get some of your reasonable needs met elsewhere—is better than the status quo. Tell him.

Originally published March 18, 2015.


Listen to my podcast, the Savage Lovecast, at www.savagelovecast.com.