The Biden/Harris transition site is live: It’s very very good. The pandemic, racial justice, economic recovery, and climate change are the top priorities. (Though let’s not forget Biden promised to make signing The Equality Act one of his first-100-days actions as well.) Republicans still refuse to accept that he won, but other world leaders have sent their congratulations. We’re moving on.
When we tell our children of Four Seasons Total Landscaping, will they believe us? Hard to believe, but it was only two days ago that Rudy Giuliani’s last stand was in a dirt parking lot between a crematorium and a dildo shop. We’ve had all weekend to process the memes in wonderment, but the magic of it will never leave us. Olivia Nuzzi is working on what I can only hope is the longest of long-form pieces about the entire debacle.
Alex Trebek: It’s hard to summon the words to describe how much he’ll be missed, but he passed away this weekend at home. His episodes — which numbered over 8,000 — will continue to air through December, and the show is not talking about a successor yet. Please enjoy this supercut of him saying the word “genre,” and also his brief appearance on the X-Files alongside Jesse Ventura and Charles Nelson Reilly. God, when that show was good it was really really good.
Who shot MarQuies Patterson? The Seattle man was shot and killed on Capitol Hill around 1am Sunday morning as he was departing an election celebration. By all accounts, he spent time partying with friends — but as everyone was leaving, his friends heard the sound of gunfire and turned to see him fall. Nobody has any idea what could have led to the killing.
We’re at nearly 10 million COVID-19 cases: More than a quarter million have died and daily case counts continue to grow. Holiday travel is expected to worsen things. Lest you think this a uniquely American issue, similar spikes are occurring in France, Spain, and the UK.
New England was hit by an earthquake: Everything’s fine! It made some loud noises and a few structures experienced damage — crumbled chimneys, carbon monoxide leaks, that sort of thing. The most interesting thing to come out of it was this newscaster who has some opinions about Masshole drivers:
Jeff Bezos is going to the moon. Jeff’s company Blue Origin is working on technology to land people on the moon by 2024. It’s all part of a plan to establish a permanent colony there, and I shudder to think of what the working conditions will be. “We must go back to the moon, and this time to stay,” Jeff Bezos declares, to which I say, good riddance.
Apple Watches will soon have anti-nightmare apps: The FDA just granted approval to an app that (the thinking goes) will detect nightmares and disrupt them. It’s meant for people suffering from PTSD, and you’ll need a prescription to use it. Says the FDA about the horrifyingly-named invention:
The device, called Nightware, is a digital therapeutic that uses an Apple Watch and an Apple iPhone that are configured and logged into a software application and the Nightware server. Throughout the night, Apple Watch sensors monitor body movement and heart rate during sleep. These data are sent to the Nightware server and, using a proprietary algorithm, the device creates a unique sleep profile for the patient. When Nightware detects that a patient is experiencing a nightmare based on its analysis of heart rate and body movement, the device provides vibrations through the Apple Watch while the product is in use.
Llamas could save us all. Yes, llamas. They have special antibodies, smaller than humans’, and scientists have enlisted one particular llama named Wally to test immunizations. Researchers hope to be able to create an inhalable mist out of llama-derived cells, which could be far more effective and inexpensive. The only downside is that patients will start growing wool. Just kidding! That’s not a downside.
Monster Hunter World is getting another update: Iceborne version 15.10 is coming in December, with better balancing for one of the battles, and more importantly more festivals. I just beat the core game and moved into Seliana this weekend, and the oncoming cold weather in real life makes it a real pleasure to faff around with ice dragons in the game.
My garlic is in the ground: You’ll be relieved to hear that I’ve planted all of my garlic bulbs for the season, and they’re now nestled comfortably under large amounts of soil and compost, which is the fate that awaits all of us. If you have indoor plants, keep an eye out for fungus gnats as rainy weather increases humidity. In the event that you have tiny flying bugs around your houseplants, consider getting some nematodes to eat them, and try not to think about how every surface you touch and eat is crawling with microscopic life forms.