Maybe stick to the shallow end if theres no lifeguard.
Maybe stick to the shallow end if there's no lifeguard. gregobagel / Getty Images

It’s Infrastructure Week, for what feels like the 347th week in a row. Late last night, Senators hammered out an infrastructure deal that’s 2,700 pages long and is a huge disappointment. Republicans killed tons of vital services, and Democrats went right along with them. Spending on the power grid was cut from $82 billion to $73 billion, so get used to more utility shutoffs; rail was cut from $74 billion to $66 billion; public transit was cut from $77 billion to $39 billion. A vote could come early this week.

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Swim carefully. There were several water-related tragedies this weekend around Seattle: A diver died at Seacrest Park in West Seattle; a man disappeared in Lake Washington; and an 84-year-old man is in critical condition after slipping under the water in Green Lake.

Here comes bad air. The water isn’t the only hazard to worry about — wildfire smoke is thickening in the eastern half of the state and it’s starting to drift our way. You probably noticed the ominous orange hue to the air this weekend. Air quality is still relatively safe for now, but that may not last. Rain is forecast around the end of the week, which may help clear the air, at least temporarily.

Google has a time crystal. I have struggled to understand what this means, and if you can figure it out then you’re a wiser creature than I, but it seems as though the company may have created a new phase of matter (???) that stores data on a quantum level. It remains unclear what the practical application is, but let’s assume they’ll find a way to use it to sell you products and services.

Homicide in White Center. An LA rapper named Gonzoe was killed in a White Center shooting this weekend. No word on the motive or any suspects. Gonzoe was part of Kausion in the 1990s, and was connected to Ice Cube and 2Pac. He was 45.

Matt Damon just really doesn’t care what you think of him, does he? In a new interview, he explains that his young daughter had to teach him why he shouldn’t use homophobic slurs. The weirdest part of the whole situation is that he tried to defend himself by saying, “Come on, that’s a joke! I say it in the movie ‘Stuck on You!’” No child should ever have to hear from their parent that they were in the movie Stuck on You.

Various mass shootings, as per usual. Five people hit by bullets in New Orleans — watch the crowd flee in terror below, if that’s the sort of thing you enjoy watching. One killed and three injured in a different New Orleans shooting. One killed and three injured in Texas. One killed and five injured in Ohio. Two killed and two injured in Michigan. Ten injured in Queens, five in Indianapolis, four in Chicago, five in Kentucky, and four in Iowa. If I ever get tired of complaining about cars, I can always switch to pointing out how stupid and pointless this country's tolerance for gun violence is.

Do you recognize this car? The driver of a gray Toyota hit a motorcyclist this weekend in Bellevue and then sped off. Not to be confused with this Bellevue hit and run, or this one.

Demon Twink rampages through Britney boat. This weekend there was a Britney-themed gay cruise in NYC, which already sounds like it was a bad idea before this happened:

Disney flooded. A rainstorm over Florida turned part of the theme park into a wading pool. Looks like fun, and I hate to spoil it, but what do you suppose is in that water? I’ve written about sewers and sanitation for many years — look, we all have our weird preoccupations — and the first rule of sewage is that you do not wade through flood water. If it’s backing up, then something’s blocking the drains and ohhhh you really don’t want to contemplate what sort of microorganisms are partying in there with you. Just don’t. God! Especially in Florida.

Did you see Saturn? The gayest planet in the solar system is bright in the sky right now, tilted nicely to show off its rings like it’s taking a hookup pic.

New type of sona just dropped. Well, not so much “just dropped” as “just noticed a year later.” I thought I’d written about every type of sona, from fursonas for furries, mersonas for mermaids, and Sonicsonas for role-playing as Sonic the Hedgehog. Well, leave it to Tyra Banks to innovate. She has apparently developed an ice-cream-sona to market her Smize Cream line of ice creams: A cartoon character named “DJ Splitz.” For the last year, Tyra has been role-playing as her OC on Instagram and it is every bit as spellbinding as her previous creative writing endeavor, a gothic horror fantasy novel.

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Can we recall the Recall Sawant airplane? Somebody please start a petition to ground that annoying plane that just flies in circles around the city towing a banner.

Not again.
Not again. Kshama Solidarity Campaign

Here’s a nice tribute to the movie Labyrinth. Not exactly breaking news, I know, it’s just a really really good movie. Did you know there are seven hidden Jareths throughout the film? If you watch closely you can see Jareth’s face popping up in the background of a couple scenes. Ugh, it's so good.

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Washington Ensemble Theatre presents amber, a sensory installation set in the disco era
In this 30-minute multimedia experience, lights & sounds guide groups as they explore a series of immersive spaces.