Dont mind if we do. Get out there and tell your kinky queer stories, but only if youre vaccinated.
Don't mind if we do. Get out there and tell your kinky queer stories, Seattle. (But only if you're vaccinated.)


THURSDAY: KINKY. QUEER. STORYTELLING.

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A lineup of lewd storytellers will treat listeners to tales of kinky moments at this new spoken word event. But make no mistake: This is a show about sex, it does not feature sex. Nobody’s taking off their clothes, sucking anything, or indulging their erotic fantasies live on stage (unless your erotic fantasies involve public oversharing of personal information, in which case, knock yourself out, you A-1 creative freak). Produced by kinky comedy performer Boby Higley, the show will feature some audience participation — no word on what that will entail, exactly, but they also note that consent is king, so you probably won’t be made to do anything you don’t want to. Masks are optional, vaccination cards are required, and the venue has a big bank of open-able windows to keep the fresh air flowing. MATT BAUME

Kinky.Queer.Storytelling happens on Thursday, September 2 at Olmstead. Doors at 8:30 pm, show 9-11 pm, tickets $15.


THURSDAY THROUGH SUNDAY: NANCY NORTON CHRISTENS THE BALLARD COMEDY CLUB

This month The Ballard Comedy Club will complete its hostile takeover of Hale's Ales Brewery's upstairs area on a mission to book and develop the careers of "extremely talented Women, POC, and LGBTQA comedians," according to press materials. Event organizers picked 2019 Seattle International Comedy Competition champ Nancy Norton to squeeze the venue's first laughs out of a fully vaccinated, temperature-checked audience. Her effort should meet little resistance. The self-described "single stay-away-from-home mom" fires off jokes a mile-a-minute, and her standup albums—Mostly Finger Guns and Chill—have been well-received. RICH SMITH

Shows run from 8 to 10 pm Thursday, September 2 through Sunday, September 5, with a late night option (10:30 pm to 12:30 am) Friday and Saturday night. Find tickets ($20) here.


FRIDAY: SHANNON AND THE CLAMS AT THE NEPTUNE THEATRE

Bay Area-based quartet Shannon and the Clams' most recent effort, Year of the Spider, is the result of an anxiety-filled past two years for lead singer Shannon Shaw. She told Consequence of Sound that she had to deal with being "stalked by a peeping tom" and taking care of her sick father all while "the mountains around us were being ravaged by wildfires." A life-long arachnophobe, Shaw visited an astrologer who told her to call on Durga, a Hindu demon slayer goddess with eight arms, for protection. In this image of an eight-armed being, Shaw found protection in the thing she feared most and pulled from that feeling to create the garage-cum-rockabilly band's latest record. Year of the Spider is freaky, psychedelic, both light and heavy—and you'll have a chance to listen to it in-person at the Neptune Theatre this Friday. Shannon and the Clams will be joined by the fuzzy Los Angeles four-piece The Paranoyds and the Seattle-based Bread & Butter. JASMYNE KEIMIG

Shannon and the Clams play the Neptune Theatre this Friday, September 3. Doors at 7 pm, and advance tickets are $20. Neptune requires proof of COVID-19 vaccination or a negative COVID-19 test from the past 48 hours. Masking is required when not drinking.


FRIDAY AND SUNDAY: MAKE THIS YOUR BREAKDANCE WEEKEND WITH MASSIVE MONKEES SHOWS

On November 11, 2020, the Massive Monkees, Seattle's most-famous breakdance crew, closed the doors of its studio in Chinatown due to, of course, this fucking long pandemic. That day was a sad day indeed. Then again, these are dark times for everyone. But there is some good news to be had as we enter the end of summer. This weekend, the crew, known for its mind-boggling moves and longevity, celebrates Massive Monkees Day—a day that was initiated back in 2004 by Mayor Greg Nickels. There is a Monkees Day pre-party at Clock Out Lounge on Friday night, and the main event happens at Neptune Theatre on the day itself, Sunday. It is impressive that breakdancing is a still a thing in the third decade of the 21 century, though it's true that breaking is not happening in space, as predicated by Keymatic in 1984. It's happening right here on earth, and is still growing, still discovering all of things that a body can do. CHARLES MUDEDE

Massive Monkees Day Pre-Party at Clock Out Lounge with Massive Monkeys on the floor, Tracey Wong on the mic, and DJs Supreme, DV One, and Magic Sean on the virtual wheels of steel; Massive Monkees Day happens at Neptune Theater with bgirl and bboy judges.)


SATURDAY AND SUNDAY: PRIDEFEST CAPITOL HILL

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Have you lost count of how many Prides Seattle has at this point? Well, this is the big one, or at least as big as you’re going to get in this weird year. Brought to you by the same people who normally do the June mega-Pride down by the Seattle Center (which is to say, Delta, T-Mobile, Nissan, and Smirnoff) this one will take over Broadway with two stages, beer gardens, food trucks, dance parties, and a lineup of performers that is 100% local. Masks and proof of vaccination are required. On Saturday night, they’ll be doing an outdoor screening of Camp, a movie that everyone remembers fondly for two or three great scenes but forgets how much stuff there is between those scenes. Don’t miss mainstage performances by BeautyBoiz on both Saturday and Sunday, nor Derek Pavone’s Saturday set at the dance stage. MATT BAUME

PrideFest Capitol Hill takes over Broadway from Rite-Aid north to the gas station, and runs from 11 am to 7 pm on Saturday September 4 and Sunday September 5. Admission is free.


SATURDAY AND SUNDAY: DAY IN DAY OUT FESTIVAL AT SEATTLE CENTER

Those looking to fill the Bumbershoot-shaped hole their heart might find solace in Day In Day Out (DIDO) Festival—both take place over Labor Day weekend at Seattle Center, both feature a mishmash of local and international talent, and both seem to wave goodbye to summer. While the still on-pause Bumbershoot featured multiple stages and a huge lineup, DIDO is taking a munch more minimalist approach to the festival.

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Hosted on one stage, spectators are invited to sprawl out on the Fisher Green Pavilion lawn to catch headlining acts KAYTRANADA and CHVRCHES on Saturday and Sunday, respectively. Joining them is lauded Portland-raised rapper Aminé, as well as local acts such as Travis Thompson (fresh off the release of his third album BLVD BOY), songstress Parisalexa, and all-star DJ Chong the Nomad. The music starts each day at 3:30 pm, giving you the perfect amount of time to recover from your hangover and scurry downtown to lay out in the sun for a night of SIQQQ electronic beats and rhymes.

Just DON'T FORGET YOUR MASK. State health officials have expressed concerned over outdoor events like state fairs and festivals with the uber-contagious Delta variant going around. Mask up and stay safe out there! JASMYNE KEIMIG

Day In Day Out Festival goes down this Saturday and Sunday on the Fisher Green Pavilion Lawn. Cop your tickets here. The fest will require proof of COVID-19 vaccination or a negative COVID-19 test from the past 48-hours.

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