Not an NFT.
Not an NFT.

Congratulations to the Seattle Krakens, who finally managed to get their NFTs online this morning… kind of. Some prospectors weren’t able to see the purchase link unless they reset their browser cache; others were unable to access the site on mobile; others (including us) were redirected to NFTs for a different team, the New York Islanders. And some who managed to purchase one of the $95 “Captain’s Box” packages found themselves disappointed: Apparently the website promised that “Purchasers of this special NFT will receive: (2) Tickets to a Kraken home game during the 2021-2022 NHL regular season,” but after it sold out, users say, that language changed to say that only a handful of randomly selected “winners” will receive tickets. Welp! Enjoy your $95 picture, suckers! A fool and his money, you know how it goes.

If you missed out on the sale, or are simply clever and attractive enough to know a scam when you see one, you’ll be happy to know that our “Seattle Hockley Team (wee)” t-shirts (and mugs, stickers, face masks, etc) are still available to purchase — and are in fact on sale for the next few hours for just $14 — cheap!

As of this writing, 161 of you have purchased one of our Hockley Team designs, and to you we say congratulations on your wise investment. In addition to the status conferred upon you by ownership, your purchase is both attractive and practical, unlike the NFTs, which in a year’s time are likely to have less resale value than a used t-shirt. We’ll be donating 100% of the proceeds from sales (usually around $2 per shirt) in December and January to the Washington Environmental Council.

But something we will not be doing is minting (whatever that means) the design into an actual NFT, even though after we wrote a post making fun of the entire concept of NFTs someone wrote in to offer to help us do just that. The fact that after everything we’ve had to say on the subject anyone could think that we’d be open to such a proposition indicates that we have not been mean or explicit enough about how fucking stupid we think NFTs are. We apologize for the oversight and promise to do better in the future, you assholes.

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Fannie: The Music and Life of Fannie Lou Hamer: Jan 13-Feb 14 at Bagley Wright Theatre
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