You know who you are, Mr. Bicycle Man. Weeks ago, you were changing your clothes at the bike locker in front of the Park N Ride, stripping off your bike suit, showing off that long, lean, muscled mass. Yes, you with that chiseled body and six-pack abs, and legs that could power turbines. Your well-muscled chest beckoned my tongue that yearned to lick off every bead of sweat dripping from each nipple.

Yes, you know who you are, Mr. Bicycle Man, with those broad shoulders perfect for resting my legs while your well-proportioned arms hold them up. You changed into your polo shirt, tucking it into those tight-fitting jeans, showing off your package neither UPS nor FedEx could deliver. Just when you rightly sensed someone was enjoying your impromptu peep show, you turned around and winked in my direction (!!!) right as my bus pulled off.

Luckily for me, I learned you and I work in the same department. You remembered seeing me watch you change clothes at the Park N Ride. I complimented you on your physique, and you just invited me out on a date ;)

xoxo The Green Lake Groupie


Do you need to get something off your chest? To submit an unsigned rant, love letter, confession, or accusation, send an e-mail to ianonymous@thestranger.com. Please remember to change the names of the innocent and guilty.