I hope shes having a good day.
I hope she's having a good day. RONALD PATRICK / GETTY IMAGES NEWS

Happy Birthday, Earth: Happy Earth Day to those who celebrate. Did you remember to leave out your compost for Greta Thunberg? No worries if you forgot. It's been a busy week with 4/20, Record Store Day, and a noted war criminal coming to visit the evergreen state. But now it's time to wrap up the week by looking at a tree or something to celebrate this great planet we take advantage of.

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In that spirit, here's a friendly message from NASA Climate:


The current warming trend is of particular significance because it is unequivocally the result of human activity since the mid-20th century and proceeding at a rate that is unprecedented over millennia. It is undeniable that human activities have warmed the atmosphere, ocean, and land and that widespread and rapid changes in the atmosphere, ocean, cryosphere, and biosphere have occurred.

A good day for arson in the name of the environment: Ever heard of Joseph Dibee? He's a Seattle eco-activist who set fire to a horse slaughterhouse in Oregon over 20 years ago. Yesterday, he pleaded guilty to federal arson and conspiracy to commit arson charges as well as charges for another horse-related arson in California.

Goddamnit, Joe: The president visiting is all cute and quirky until it fucks up traffic and public transit. Seattle Times transportation reporter David Kroman reported that North/South traffic was especially wacky. He said, "Where it normally take drivers 43 minutes to go from Alderwood to Southcenter, it was double that, at 87 minutes, Thursday evening."

Twitter had words for Joe and his traffic debacle:

And another Twitter user claimed she saw rising Uber Eats fees last night, which she assumed had to do with the terrible traffic congestion due to Biden's visit.

Despite the traffic, Biden was eager to swoop:

Cops shoot someone in the Central District: This morning, police responded to reported gunfire near 14th Avenue and East Yesler Way. KIRO 7 called it an officer-involved shooting, which is an incredibly weaselly term that should actually be outlawed in journalism. Anyway, as you probably know, it means the cops shot someone. We don't know who yet, but they got carted away in an ambulance.

Slow your roll, Seattle: In case you missed it, the Washington State Supreme Court ruled that Edmonds overstepped when it tried to require guns to be stored and kept out of unauthorized hands because it preempts state law. Basically, the state decides all the gun laws, but cities around here don't love that. In fact, Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell made it one of his major goals for his term to turn that power over to the city. That won't be easy.

Jordan Peterson hates trans people and trans people hate him right back: Internet weirdo Jordan Peterson will stop at the Paramount next month on his book tour. The dude has said some antisemitic and transphobic stuff, so his sold-out event prompted people to call, email, and tweet at the Seattle Theatre Group to try to get his appearance cancelled.

More. MORE! Even though we literally know working from home is absolutely goated for us dorks who type all day, Google said it will build more offices in Washington. Google employees only just returned to the office this month for two or three days a week, greeted by more buildings in Seattle and Kirkland than when they left. But the company is not done. KUOW reported that Google will spend another $100 million building data centers and office spaces, with amenities like theaters and dog lounges so their employees never want to leave again. MUHAHAHAHA.

Bruh: Philadelphia decided to reinstate its mask mandate, but not for long.

Texas kills its oldest death row inmate: 78-year-old Carl Wayne Buntion paid the ultimate price this week for killing a cop during a traffic stop 30 years ago (notice how I didn't say "Carl-involved shooting;" it is that easy to construct a sentence). The cop's family is very pleased that the state killed this "thing," as the cop's former wife described the inmate. On the other hand, Buntion's family gave the finger to law enforcement.

Bentley's Law: The Tennessee State Legislature unanimously passed a law, known as "Bentley’s Law," that would require DUI offenders to pay child support if their actions resulted in the death of a parent. Cecilia Williams of Missouri came up with the idea when a drunk driver killed her 30-year-old son, his fiancé, and their 4-month-old last year, orphaning the couple's two other sons, Bentley and Mason, who were both under five.

Worth it: Prom might be a super-spreader event, but some students said one magical night of spiked punch and dancing to Pitbull (do they still listen to Mr. Worldwide??) is worth catching the virus.

This dog can legally drink: Say hello to the oldest dog in the world!

Your twice weekly Swifty news: In a major Harry Styles leak, audio from an unreleased song off of the former boyband star's first solo album circulated the internet. The song, "Him," very heavily references Ms. Taylor Allison Swift, who he is rumored to have dated (and also maybe committed vehicular manslaughter with? The Swifties lost me with that one). I fall for just about every Taylor Swift conspiracy, but this one has legs. The song references a "nice dress" in his "wildest dreams," which borrows directly from a song of Swift's album 1989, which many believe got inspiration from her short-lived love affair with Styles.

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