Seems like pizza parties werent as popular as he hoped
Seems like pizza parties weren't as popular as he hoped Lester Black

Because of course they are: Louisiana Republicans voted to advance a bill that would classify abortions as acts of homicide, which is the natural conclusion of these proto-fascists' decades-long campaign to roll back the bodily autonomy of people who can get pregnant.

This will spread like wildfire: Apologies for triggering our esteemed Public Lands Commissioner after such a wet "spring," but an uncontrollable disaster that wipes out livelihoods and wreaks havoc on people for no reason aside from where they happen to live is the only metaphor appropriate for the inevitable wave of abortion restrictions we're about to see in this country. For the pundits out there who think criminally charging someone for ending their pregnancy would be too “politically costly” for GOP-led state legislatures to take up in other states, you should know that it’s already happening.

Could limp dicks help end the pandemic? Maybe, according to several medical experts who recently published research on impotence as a side effect of COVID-19. Men who caught the virus reported erectile dysfunction six times more often then men who didn't, and there's apparently “strong evidence” that telling men they could end up with a malfunctioning penis if they catch the bug persuades them to take the life-saving vaccine. Now, if only we could get middle-aged men in this country to do literally anything that’s not framed in their own limited self-interest, maybe we could have a functioning society.

Until then, get some more free tests: The WA Dept. of Health wants you to know you can keep getting free at-home rapid tests to confirm whether that cough is the plague or just your body’s reaction to Seattle’s refusal to acknowledge the changing seasons. Each household can place two orders per month for a total of ten free tests, so set up that recurring calendar event now before you forget!

Shoutout to all my fellow HB 1727 fans: For those with social lives, that’s the bill from this session that would have moved all Washington’s elections to even years. It died an inglorious death in Olympia, but King County Councilmember Claudia Balducci is taking up the fight at the local level:

Another first in Biden’s White House: Karine Jean-Pierre will become the first Black and out LGBTQ person to serve as White House Press Secretary when she replaces outgoing spin-doctor Jen Psaki in the role. No word yet on what cringey hashtag will replace #PsakiBomb in my muted words list on Twitter.

Yesterday, San Francisco Police arrested a bunch of professors who were camping on campus in protest of budget cuts, flaunting every tool in the cops' bloated budgets while they were at it, according to this reap in SFGate. Sometimes, I wonder if any other city in America has figured out how to pay their public employees six-figure salaries without allowing them to trample on people’s constitutional rights. But San Francisco cops are here to remind me that no, in fact, they’re a problem everywhere.

Am I the only one who finds this ironic? Mike Carter over at the Seattle Times has a report documenting the Seattle Police Department’s expensive failure to cooperate with state investigations into workplace masking policies during the early days of the pandemic. Apparently, the cops didn’t appreciate someone showing up to their workplace and asking all sorts of invasive questions about whether they were following the law –- which was supposed to be keeping SPD officers safe from COVID-19, the number one cause of death for police officers that year. Now, they’re making good use of their budget by paying more than $10,000 in settlements and fines for obstructing investigations and failing to follow public health guidelines.

But it’s fine, let’s just keep throwing more money at them: That appears to be Mayor Bruce Harrell’s opinion. Yesterday he weighed in on the ongoing debate around hiring bonuses for cops, calling it an “outstanding” proposal from noted eco-block enthusiast Sara Nelson. Harrell's opinion flies in the face of an analysis from Seattle Department of Human Resources showing inconclusive results on the effectiveness of using hiring bonuses to lure police.

Before you make it rain on SPD, Bruce, maybe give Girmay a call? The King County Councilmember just got back from a junket in Arizona and Georgia with other local progressive electeds. The politicians aimed to survey how localities in those states invested in alternatives to police handling crisis responses. Check out his full thread for examples of how a former Confederate state and the home of Sheriff Joe Arpaio are kicking our asses on common-sense public safety policy:

For the rest of us, just more normal water-based precipitation: When I moved here from Florida five years ago, I joked that I’d had enough sun for a lifetime whenever people asked why I would want to leave a place where people blitzed on bath salts snack on their neighbors’ faces. I was wrong. This year-without-a-spring thing has gone too far, but it doesn’t look like that will change anytime soon.

Kroman, get your own bit: Griping with the cold weather propagandists at the Seattle Weather Blog is Hannah’s beat.

Let’s end with an ode to this never-ending gloom: