Whos a good boy?
Who's a good boy? HK

Hiring bonuses: As our good pal Charles Mudede shared in his Tuesday Slog PM, the Seattle City Council came one step closer to putting a few grand on a fishing lure to maybe attract more cops. Councilmember Sara Nelson, who shows Sawant-levels of stubbornness on this issue, frames the signing bonuses as the solution to the ongoing “People are dying” crisis, even though city studies just straight up could not confirm if new cops will flock to this type of incentive. Pierce County Council recently decided to try a different tactic and voted to approve $4 million to help retain deputies.

Instead of throwing cash at anyone who will apply, Pierce County will give a $10,000 retention bonus to existing officers, which by definition sounds like a more targeted retention strategy and avoids the internal animosity that Seattle City Councilmember Teresa Mosqueda warns could happen between new and old workers over giving cash to the newbs.

And because Rich keeps asking me and I keep forgetting to find out: The hiring incentives saga will head to full council on Tuesday, May 24. The council will vote on a resolution from Nelson and a bill from Herbold that work together to promise incentives and relocation assistance.

I went to that new tiny shelter village: Earlier this week, I went to Low Income Housing Institute’s new tiny shelter village in the South End. I gave you a better rundown of the village’s short but wild history in another Slog, but here are some more fun observations. For one, a staff member said the place looked like a summer camp, and I can confirm. Also, Target helped build at least one of the tiny shelters, which seems sorta full circle since the conservative media would use their dying breath to defend Target from unhoused people trying (and failing) to steal TVs. The village also has an area to throw ragers, complete with balloons.

Youre sitting on your couch doing nothing and you see the girls post this on their snap. The FOMO is all consuming.
You're sitting on your couch doing nothing and you see the girls post this on their snap. The FOMO is all consuming. HK

The new Southend Village is slowly welcoming new residents, and I’ll tell you more when you're older (this afternoon).

Let’s check up on the Mandatory Affordable Housing program: In 2015, the city and private developers made a deal. The city changed zoning laws so developers could build more, and in return the developers had to pay fees that would fund affordable housing projects. Here’s how that’s going.

Victims of swatting call it a waste of resources: And they would be right. A fake 9-1-1 call sent cops, fire, medic, the whole shebang to pester a family in Federal Way who did literally nothing. Nice to see a KOMO article that nearly implies cops should be doing less — well, at least until you get to the analysis that says this total waste of time was bad because Federal Way has too few cops and not because there may be better ways to handle these situations.

I spoke too soon: I gave that last KOMO story some credit for stepping somewhat outside the outlet's pro-cop narrative, but then this story came along and hit their property-over-people beat hard. Enjoy private property owners complaining about the city not prioritizing sweeping homeless people off of private property.

Drive carefully: A driver struck a two year-old near New Hope Missionary Baptist Church on Tuesday night. The good news is that the toddler was in stable condition as of yesterday afternoon.

Roe v. Wade: Our government wants women dead so badly lol. Anyway, if Congress’s failure to put a metaphorical gun to Joe Manchin's head and codify the right to abortion pissed you off, here is some nice coverage and photos of the fight for reproductive justice in the great city of Seattle from the South Seattle Emerald.

Racism, knock it off: A teacher at River Ridge Elementary School allegedly called a third-grade student “ratchet” and “ghetto” at recess. After reporting the incident led to empty apologies, the young student’s aunt organized a protest. Now the teacher is on administrative leave, where she will hopefully have a much harder time being racist to eight-year-olds.

Don’t nap on the light rail lest you wish to be a KIRO 7 story. KIRO showed a weird video of people on the light rail. They suggest these people might be passed out and on drugs. Maybe they’re right, maybe they’re wrong. Either way, weird video.

Portland home buyers stay weird: If you want to escape the evil, evil Seattle housing market and retreat to the slightly less evil, evil housing market in Portland, you’re in luck! A judge decided you can still write the seller a nice letter to suck up in the hopes that they'll accommodate your otherwise uncompetitive offer. Not sure how well that would work in Seattle, where Tech Bros routinely snatch up houses for $100,000 over the asking price. (Sorry, #NotAllTechBros.)

Orange man bad: The AP said that election denialism is playing an important role in the midterms. This Trump guy’s impact. Unmatched.

Interesting “framing.” I think that maybe the bodily autonomy/women aren’t incubators/the government should not force childbirth argument is slightly stronger, but if you money-brains think that the only way to make people care about human rights is making it about money, go off. Hope this helps the discourse.

Biden + COVID = best friends forever: Today, President Joe Biden asked world leaders to renew international commitment to tackling COVID-19 as we pass 1 million deaths in the U.S.. He ordered flags lowered to half mast and warned against “complacency.” My brother in Christ, you are the President of United States, the COVID-19 capital. Give us money and we’ll stay inside and watch TikTok.

North Korea broke its streak: While few believe the country actually avoided COVID-19 this long, today North Korea locked down to control its first acknowledged COVID-19 outbreak.