So my gay ass—already pretty sparkly—got glitterbombed at the University of California at Irvine last Monday. This went up on Bilerico yesterday:
According to my source at the event, Savage was in the middle of answering a question from a student who was wondering if her boyfriend was a freak because he watched porn featuring trans women. Savage suggested that her boyfriend was a freak, while freely using the terms “shemale” and “freaky tranny porn.” That is when two individuals ran up and threw glitter on him yelling “Transphobe!”
So: a “source” says that I stood on a stage at UCI and “freely” tossed the word “shemale” and the phrase “freaky tranny porn” around and called someone who was into trans porn—and presumably attracted to trans people—a “freak,” comments which inspired two “individuals” to run up and toss glitter at me. Now there’s a Change.org petition—I’ve already signed it, won’t you?—scolding me for my use of “trans-phobic language” and demanding that I apologize for being a such naughty cissy.
The folks who’ve signed the petition—most with their hearts in the right place—have been misled.
Here’s what went down: I was doing a “Savage Love Live” Q&A at UCI. People submit questions anonymously, just like they would for a regular column, using whatever language or terminology they’re comfortable with. I read their questions aloud—verbatim—and offer some on-the-fly advice. Here’s the complete transcript of my “transphobic” comments at UCI (the italics indicate when I’m reading the anonymously submitted question):
DAN: [READING FROM CARD] My boyfriend is straight but he enjoys anal sex and he asks me to make love to him in his butt all the time. [ASIDE:] You have no one to blame but yourself. [READING FROM CARD] Also, he likes watching she-male porn. Could you tell me why he is acting like this? [ANSWER:] Um, I’m gunna go out on a limb here and say it’s because he likes shemale porn and he enjoys anal stimulation. He’s acting like this because he’s a very freaky boy. If you’re into him, and you’re willing to go there for him, there are a lot of straight guys who are into transexual sex-workers, transexual porn, she-males for lack of a better term, although some people think that’s very offensive—
It was at that moment—just as I was beginning to address the problem with the term “shemale”—that I was glitterbombed.
I did say “shemale.” I read the question as-written, repeated the term in my response, and then used “transexual” in place of “shemale” (“transexual sex-worker,” “transexual porn”), modeling the use of less offensive terms, before circling back to “shemale” in order to unpack why some find it offensive. I never used the phrase “freaky tranny porn.” I never said the word “tranny” at UCI at all; indeed, I’ve made a conscious effort to stop using “tranny” after the memo went out last year declaring the word an off-limits “hate term.” (Mike Signorile wrote a good post about the rapidly changing take on the word “tranny” here.)
As for “freaky boy”: that boy is a bit of a freak and anyone who reads my column knows that I’m pro-freak, pro-kink, pro-porn, pro-just-about-everything. I’m a freak myself, as I’ve said numerous times, I married a freak, some of my best friends are freaks. “Freak,” in the context of “Savage Love,” is a freakin’ compliment. More to the point: I didn’t tell the girl who asked the question to dump her boyfriend because he enjoys trans porn; indeed, I urged her to keep dating him if she was into him and willing to go there (anal, allowing him to enjoy his porn). And this is nothing new with me: I’ve long taken the side of people who are trans or attracted to trans folks. Here’s a column I wrote about trans issues in 1999. (Try not to get bogged down on the headline, thought policepersons, as columnists don’t write their own headlines.) And the advice I was giving to trans/trans-attracted people in 1999 isn’t much different from the advice I gave earlier this year. (Is this the kind of advice that a transphobic sex-advice columnist doles out? Is this? Or this?)
Back to what went down at UCI: It’s clear from the transcript—and it’s clear from the way that my remarks are being actively and maliciously misrepresented—that the people pushing this “Dan Savage is transphobic!” meme are not honest actors. False accusations of engaging in hate speech are themselves a form hate speech—particularly in the hothouse environment of LGBT activism. Any honest reader of my column, like any honest person who attended my Q&A at UCI, knows that not only I am not transphobic, I’m pretty rabidly pro-trans.
Or: If I’m the enemy of trans people everywhere, trans people everywhere could use more enemies like me.
UPDATE: Someone who was at the UCI event describes in his own words what went down in a comment at JMG. The commenter misattributes “freaky tranny porn” to me, based on the Bilerico report, but he gets the rest of the details right.
UPDATE 2: This just in from someone who signed that Change.org petition:
I signed this petition at the request of a trusted friend and, after I signed it, I immediately regretted it after I realized the nature of the petition. Please accept my apologies… I should have been more careful with what I was signing. Thank you for your continued efforts and all that you do. You have been a great influence on my life and those around me.
UPDATE 3: Some folks are slamming trans activists and trans people generally in the comments thread here and on some other blogs. Please don’t do that. And for the record: not one of the folks who’ve glittered me—one at Eugene, three at UCI—is actually trans. I know, right? They’ve all been “allies” of the trans community. (Allies of? Or embarrassments to?) That self-righteous, attack-your-allies, too-angry-to-listen bug isn’t unique to Ts; it’s been documented in Ls, Gs, and Bs too. (I myself have succumbed on, oh, one or two occasions.) Also for the record: the day after my talk at UCI, I met and spoke with a trans student—hey there, C—and we had a perfectly delightful, perfectly rational, and mutually enlightening conversation about transphobia, porn, sex, whether “shemale” is ever okay, his coming out process (recent), my coming out process (not so much), and how he needs to stop smoking. (Really, C. Stop smoking.) It was the best conversation I had at UCI, it was a private conversation (it wasn’t filmed), and it was with a trans man.
So, non-trans commenters, please don’t make generalizations about all trans people based on the actions of a few… non-trans people. [Scroll down: apparently one of the GBers is trans.]
UPDATE 4: More damning evidence of my transphobia emerges! A commenter at JMG:
Dan Savage raises over $5000 (from his largely “straight” readership, mind you) for an African American trans woman’s funeral after her murder.
Dan Savage raises over $2000 (from his largely “straight” readership, mind you) for a young trans student kicked out of the same school in Mississippi that Constance McMillan was kicked out of.
Here’s his support of a brutally beaten trans woman in Michigan.
Dan Savage raises the remaining needed funds (from his largely “straight” readership, mind you) for trans porn star and acitivist Buck Angel to finish a documentary about his life/work.
Like I said yesterday: If I’m the enemy of trans people everywhere, trans people everywhere could use more enemies like me.
And if I may address this piece of batshittery:
You may notice that Dan Savage managed to get the glitter bombers arrested, which tends to be a particularly dangerous experience for trans people. If cis folk with the privilege not to get so badly harmed once they do inevitably get arrested were willing to do it, more power to them.
I didn’t get anyone arrested. There was security at the event—there’s always security at television shoots because the presence of TV cameras brings out the crazies—and campus police officers went looking for the GBers while I was briefly backstage getting de-glittered. I went back on stage and continued with the talk. I didn’t know that someone had been arrested until the talk was over 90 minutes later when the police came backstage and told me they had caught one of the people who “assaulted” me. I laughed when they said “assaulted” because, you know, we were talking about glitter. The cops asked if I wanted to press charges, I said no, and I asked them not to hassle the GBer they’d nabbed. I’ve had no further contact with the police.
And this is my favorite comment:
Savage is so addicted to attention and also seems to have such few scruples that I wouldn’t be surprised if he hired this last group of glitter-bombers to do what they did just so he could play the victim and also create this post with impunity. I would not put such behavior past him. Its already been revealed they were not transwomen.
I glittered myself! And the GBers weren’t brave cis folks putting their privileged bodies on the line in defense of their trans allies! They were working for me! And I had one of them arrested!
UPDATE 5: Oh, right—the glass jar.
I was at the Eugene, OR filming. I hope this doesn’t upset some of you.
I think DSWC is a bio female, and straight. My friends know her, and while they have gone to pains to say she is an ally of the LGBT community, she was wrong here. She has been known to be an ally in LGBT causes before, and is well liked. But this is really unfair to Mr. Savage.
I don’t remember enough about the Eugene, OR speech to say whether Dan had said anything that night to deserve the glitter bomb. I do remember it happened early and she yelled something about being a rape apologist. The thing I find really bad on her part is that she threw the large heavy glass container at his head after she threw the glitter. It made a very loud “clunk” when it hit the floor that could be heard throughout the auditorium. After the talk some other students looked and there was a dent in the stage floor where it hit. It barely missed Mr. Savage’s head. If it would have hit him, she could have done serious damage to him. A concussion or worse. She doesn’t seem to be showing any shame on the blog post that this author, has linked to, but this was seriously dangerous.
Just as the witness from the other school commented, once Mr. Savage was cleaned he went on with his conversation and we all laughed, groaned, blushed and had a really good time. Dan spent a few minutes talking about trans issues as well. All very sex positive.
Just thought you all should know. Someone out there is not telling the truth. Whether it is DSWC or the author of this post.
If I hadn’t have ducked, or if I didn’t see it coming (which I might not have, what with glitter in my eyes and all), that glass jar would’ve hit me square in the face. As luck would have it, I did see it coming, and was able to dodge it. So there was that too.
UPDATE 6: The Eugene GBer Tweets that she’s a trans woman and demands a correction:
Rose was the GBer who threw the jar at my head but she wasn’t the GBer who was arrested; that was one of the GBers at UCI.
UPDATE 7: A reader writes…
I just want to add one more voice to the chorus of sane and reasonable trans folks who respect what you’ve done for the T in GLBT. I’m a long-time fan of the column/podcast, and I think that queer folks who think that you’re the enemy need to get some serious perspective (and I tell the ones I know that, though I doubt they listen). I’m always wary of the “X doesn’t speak for ME!” cries, because in most cases no one ever fucking said they did, but it worries me a little to see the reactions in the comments threads and to see people piling on trans folks for the insanity of the glitter bombers—I promise we’re not all douchebags!
And of course there’s still some room for improvement in how you talk about trans issues, but you know that, and it doesn’t detract from all the real and concrete support you give to the community. So, thanks again for all your hard work.
At least glitter isn’t much of a punishment for someone of your fabulousness. Glad you ducked the jar.
Wendell
Ace Reporter Dan Savage hard at work…..
It wasn’t even a trans that attacked him.!
no; wait- it WAS a trans.
and they were arrested but it sure wasn’t Danny’s fault.
No, sorry; they were detained.
and waterboarded. but never arrested…
oh-sorry gang- turns out they were taken out back and shot.
but dammit they deserved it.
cause…..
cause they threw an iron anvil at Danny’s head!
No wait, it was a heavy jar!
no, hang on fans; it seems it was a light plastic jar….
no…no….this story is still developing-
wait; it was a baggie!
the possibly trans assailant threw an empty sandwich baggie at Danny”s head!
OMG! he could have been killed!!
@249 You’ve hit the nail on the head. Reminds me of an exchange between Clive Owen & Jude Law in the movie “Closer”:
Law: Everybody wants to be happy.
Owen: Depressives don’t. They want to be unhappy to confirm they’re depressed. If they were happy they couldn’t be depressed anymore. They’d have to go out into the world and live. Which can be depressing.
As someone who spent 30+ years being rejected before getting my act together I can say that things were much, much easier when I was being rejected for something I have very little control over. You get used to it. You know where you stand. There’s no validation for for getting your shit together. In fact, there’s a bit of rejection from people like Rose Pedal who insist it’s your fault they’re miserable. Vicious circle that.. With relative happiness comes responsibility. With rejection there’s a built in excuse for every woe that befalls you.
@254: Trans-advocates and the anonymous horrible, white supremacist racists. Working together for a better tomorrow!
@252: hey ankylosaurus, sorry I can’t sustain the rhythm of online conversations, I’ll just borrow this space once more to reply.
Reading the other thread, and your examples of the Romanian cheater and black mugger (?), it seems we have quite different understandings of power, oppression and trauma.
Both sides in this argument feel they’ve been wronged. Dan’s side has suffered an act of human nastiness. But the trans community is talking about a different kind of wrong, a structural harm that cannot be pinned down to individual blame. This particular bunch of trans protestors, however, have reverted to the mental habit of imagining “intention” and “individual guilt”, that they’re reduced structural oppression to specific words uttered by specific people. I think both sides have conflated the two kinds of wrong doing, to the detriment of dialogue and alliance.
Again, I wrote a lot which I have now deleted, about apartheid and ubuntu and white liberals and the Holocaust and Schindler’s List, to illustrate the difficulty of intention and the insignificance of insisting whether someone has the right or wrong intention. But in my present sleep-deprived state of mind I can’t seem to make things relate to one another, so I can only feebly leave this last comment as a statement rather than a discussion. And you’re welcome to reply and I’ll read it gladly but I don’t think I will reply. But thanks for the conversation today, hope to chat to you again on this board. 🙂
@ravished, the pleasure is mine! It’s always good to talk to someone who is actually interested in listening and thinking about what is being said. It doesn’t matter that our ideas are different. My ideas can change (they have several times already, in my life). Your perspective looks intriguing enough that I would like to know more about it.
I understand the difference you make between the trans community talking about a structural harm and this particular bunch of trans protesters blaming one individual. But since the trans community itself was in this case concerned with Dan Savage and whether or not he should be condemned, there is a link between both. What structural harm does Dan Savage mean for the trans community? Or are you perhaps talking about structural harm that goes beyond Dan and what he has or hasn’t written and done about trans people?
I am sorry that you deleted so much that sounds quite interesting (and well within my current range of philosophical-humanistic interests). Any chance of finding any of your writing in any obvious sources?
You probably won’t answer to that, as you said, but I wanted to say it was actually good to hear your voice here. I do hope we’ll chat again, and that I’ll get to hear more about your intriguing views. See ya! 🙂
The infighting within the LGBT community is ridiculous. We are attacking our allies because of our own identity issues.
For some reason this reminds of the use of the “queer.” The word “queer” has become an accepted term within the LGBT community and often serves as a simplified way to refer to the community as a whole. However, I know older gay men who cringe whenever I use the term in their presence. “Queer” used to be a very derogatory term that was against homosexuals. However, the LGBT community has taken the word and owned it. Perhaps it’s time that the trans community takes back the term “shemale.” Perhaps its time for the trans community to stop attacking their biggest supporters and allies. We love you for who you are and we want you to be happy in your bodies and in your lives and we support you 100%. Not stop hating on your own community.
Dan, remember that really, at the end of the day, you have no control over what other people may think or how they behave. People are going to think, say and do things for a myriad of reasons, due to issues in their background, their personality, hell their hormone levels. Rest assured that you are (and you are seen), as a shining light and warrior in the push for getting persons who may in some manner fall outside of the bell curve, more rights and be more accepted into society – and you do it with compassion, albeit with a sprinkle of off-beat humour from time to time. The fact that this person or persons fail to grasp this notion, shows that their views are an aberration (you sure the whole thing wasn’t staged by some right wing Republicans?). Don’t take it to heart and let the incident slide off into the muck where it belongs – keep trudging forward.
Perhaps the main take-a-way is that you are no longer the fresh faced not-to-be-taken-seriously ‘hey faggot’, but have attained some level of celebrityhood, so in the future, be sure to take sufficient measures to protect your physical security.
Lot’s of crazy nuts on here spreading all kinds of silly, bold-faced LIES about Dan Savage. What the Hell is wrong with some of you folks?! We do have real, serious enemies to deal with, you know. Damn!
yikes! I’m glad you ducked the jar!
@228 Your ideas are intriguing to me and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Yo Dan. I’m a gay trans woman. After reading more about this, I’ve had a slight change of heart.
It sucks that you even used the word shemale outside of the quote, and though I get that your definition of the word freak is really positive or whatever, it just sucks to see those words used to describe us so frequently. That’s why it hurts, because the rest of society doesn’t associate those words with positivity. 99% of the time freak and shemale are used in a really base and pejorative way. And it sucks. It sucks because the people that I work with get exposure to all this and think Its cool to use those words, and that it’s somehow OK to regard my sexuality as freaky because it slightly differs from theirs, or JUST because I’m trans. It fucking sucks to be objectified like that. My sexuality is really, really vanilla. As in not freaky. Blaaah.
Anyway, I just want you to know that it really hurts me when you say those words, even in the context that you did, because I walk in those shoes every day nahmeen? I don’t give a fuck about the radical queer activists that did this to you. The Eugene people sound like they suck anyway. I’m glad you didn’t get hit, and I understand that you did this without ill intentions.
I think you do some great work Dan, just keep in mind that it isn’t some esoteric PC battle your fucking with when you say shit like that. You effect my life with the shit say pretty regularly, because you’re popular as fuck.
Ugh.
Glitter bombing Dan simply sends a message to the wider public that the LGBTQ community is deeply divided. If people have issues with Dan’s language they should take it up with him in the form of a discussion. It seems unlikely to me that he is being deliberately offensive. These actions achieve nothing when the target is someone like Dan – infighting is the last thing we need, since we get more than enough hatred from the others.
Oh, dear me. My community certainly attracts the deeply disturbed, doesn’t it? I think they call it ‘co-morbidity’. Even our allies are radicals who would rather burn down Parliament than debate within its walls.
Let’s give Danny the Voltaire treatment, okay? Disagree with what he says if you must, but defend unto the death, etc. In the meantime, what’s wrong with minding our manners? Temper tantrums are so dreadfully boring.
Also: assault with a deadly weapon (a glass jar can be easily classified as such by any freshman ADA) is a particularly stupid way to make a point.
Thank you Summer Robin (265) and Dan and everyone. It’s a mind opening event.
Rose Pedals. Thank you for your passion but not your crazy wishing a glass jar hit Dan! OMFG.
This is not about Dan. This is about you, me, everyone. Dan can and should use his culture’s language in these settings where people know freaky is a loving term. We all have loose lips when we are with our fellows. This is all about us! Dan just got caught in the middle. Look at the context and setting. This was an event mostly with his fan club.
Dan is much more in self control when using language on forums and spaces that are not gay friendly. Dan is just like us!
Dan is humble. I’m guessing he knows the dialog that comes from these blogs and the work he inspires (itgetsbetter) is the real effort needed to travel the road to gay and sexuality liberation. It’s about the journey. Why travel hating those who support you?
Reporters use an AP style guide to build a common language and avoid stereotypes that hurt. Perhaps Dan and other gay writers should come up with a sex positive style guide. Still, he’s not bound by anyone to form to your professional standards all the time.
my 2 cents. The 267+ comments are an amazing lesson worth saving.
@rose pedals: Could you please explain what goal you intended to accomplish by throwing glitter (and then a jar) at Dan? I ask that when you explain, do not use metaphors or vague language like “he has spat on our community and he needs to learn from his mistakes” but please use
a) specific examples of exact words he has said or not said, exact actions he has taken or not taken
b) the exact ways in which these words and actions have hurt you and
c) why you chose to glitterbomb him at a conference as your preferred mode of fixing the problem.
The person who called you dog-shit is acting like a child. I’m asking you to seriously explain why you’re upset and why you think your actions were justified.
Woops, I submitted the wrong comment just a second ago. Please change “as your preferred mode of fixing the problem.” to “your preferred mode of ADDRESSING the problem.”
Dan, as a trans-woman and a human being, you are not transphobic, and I do believe the few trans folk out there that vilify you are doing so unjustly, with both eyes wide shut.
Please do not judge the trans community as a whole over the actions of the few squeaky wheels out there! The majority are silent – an ever pervasive and common fact. Whereas I will not speak for anyone other than myself, I can tell you that I firmly believe that as far as this transsexual, and those whom have shared with me their opinion regarding you, all of us think you are wonderful and deeply appreciate all that you do!
Dan, as a trans-woman and a human being, you are not transphobic, and I do believe the few trans folk out there that vilify you are doing so unjustly, with both eyes wide shut.
Please do not judge the trans community as a whole over the actions of the few squeaky wheels out there! The majority are silent – an ever pervasive and common fact. Whereas I will not speak for anyone other than myself, I can tell you that I firmly believe that as far as this transsexual, and those whom have shared with me their opinion regarding you, all of us think you are wonderful and deeply appreciate all that you do!