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Time to make some history, Slog: Which of these two anti-gay-marriage state representatives will win a flower from a gay florist, a bacon cheeseburger from Jack in the Box, their official state portrait on this week’s cover of The Stranger, and the hard-to-earn title of Tournament of Dunces Champion, 2012? (Polls close at 7 p.m.!)

Mark “A Jack in the Box Commercial Told Me How to Vote Today” Hargrove…

…versus Matt “My Business Will Not Participate In Gay Marriages Because Florists Are Oppressed and Man I Hate Tulips” Shea

Eli Sanders was The Stranger's associate editor. His book, "While the City Slept," was a finalist for the Washington State Book Award and the Dayton Literary Peace Prize. He once did this and once won...