We Have Some Regrets.

He's Not Who He Thought He Was and This Relationship Isn't What She Thinks It Is

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I'm in kind of a weird spot right now. I've been with my current girlfriend for five years, since I was 18. Back when we met, I thought I was straight. I've since realized that I'm bisexual. I came out to my girlfriend, and she's been supportive. However, I've recently felt like I missed out on being able to experiment with my sexuality. I love her, and I want to continue a relationship with her, but I also want to experiment and try things that she just can't do with me. She has a low sex drive and isn't really open to experimentation. I brought this up to her in 2017 after she drunkenly let me make out with a friend. I asked if she'd consider opening our relationship. She said no because she wouldn't be interested in having sex with anyone else, so it would be a one-sided deal, and an open relationship is not, in her words, what she signed up for.

I let it go until recently, when I've found myself getting more and more depressed at the idea of not being able to experiment and explore sexually. I brought this up to her, and she told me that she was upset because she feels that I'm guilting her into a type of relationship (an open one) that she doesn't want. After that conversation, she wouldn't touch me for nearly three months; when I brought it up, she explained she was reluctant to because she didn't know how to address the sexual problems in our relationship.

I try to understand it from her perspective, but ultimately I've found myself feeling more and more resentful. I don't understand why she won't even try an open relationship with me. Moreover, I've begun hooking up with someone behind her back who is sexually compatible with me. We rarely meet up because we live in different cities, but it's great when we do. I don't want to lie to my girlfriend about this, but I feel like I have no other option. If only she'd try this out with me, I feel like our relationship would be so much happier. Everyone says I should break up with her, but I genuinely do love her, it's just this one thing that's holding us back. What do I do?! Am I horrible for cheating? Should I bring up an open relationship one more time, or is that too pushy? I honestly feel like it's a lost cause at this point and we've reached some sort of stalemate. I brought up therapy, but she rejected the idea.

Basic Instincts Become Overwhelming Yearnings

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Arts Patron Seeks to Donate Dildos for Trump Massive Likeness

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Nearly fifteen years ago a young artist named Chris Savido created a small acrylic on canvas that became known as “Bush Monkeys.” From a distance it was a portrait of President George W. Bush, but as you get closer you can see the image is made up of monkeys swimming in a marsh. It was very controversial, and caused the owners of Chelsea Market to close down an art exhibition. Anonymous donors later paid for a digital billboard over Holland Tunnel to show the painting to the public.

I work at a company that processes and trades scrap metal. We bought—for recycling purposes—around 3,000 individual copper dildo molds of various shapes and sizes. I've enclosed a photo. I personally think it would be a waste to sell these to a consumer and have them melted down, since they could be better used as part of a large and unique sculpture. I am envisioning the dildos in an installation that from a distance appears to be the unmistakable portrait of President Trump, but as you get closer you can see the image is really made up of hundreds or even thousands of dildos.

Do you know any artists out there that can make this vision a reality?

Trump Dildos

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I'm Not the Woman Who Enjoys Looking at You in a Thong, But I Hope You Find Her

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Recent Savage Love Letters of the Day: He can't come with his hot girlfriend and it's making her angry and him crazy. A friend is having an affair with their parent—will that work out? A reader has a bad trip and Dan proves he can be succinct (with a little help from ASMR YouTube). Her awful ex moved to her small town: Two questions, one answer. And, as always, last week's column and Savage Lovecast.

First, for CLIT, the man whose girlfriend gets off too easily (thanks to his awesome abilities, he says) and is too loose...

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Savage Love: Men and Women

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Joe Newton
I'm a 40-year-old guy with a 30-year-old girlfriend. We've been together a year, and I can see a future with her. But there are problems. This girl comes after two minutes of stimulation, be it manual, oral, or penile. As someone who takes pride in my foreplay/pussy-eating abilities, this is a bummer. She gets wet to the point where all friction is lost during PIV and my boners don't last. It's like fucking a bowlful of jelly. Part of me is flattered that I get her off, but damnit I miss a tight fit! (Her oral skills aren't great, either, so that's not an option, and anal is a no-go.) I love to fuck hard, and that's difficult when I'm sticking my dick into a frictionless void. Is there a way to decrease wetness? Help, please.

Can't Last Inside Tonight

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Her Awful Ex Moved to Her Small Town: Two Questions, One Answer

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Two questions.

Question one: A few years ago I was in a toxic relationship that left me feeling traumatized and abused mentally and physically. I left. Cut him off completely. I went to therapy. I started to feel better, and then... my toxic ex moved to my tiny town. He lives five blocks away. I can’t get a restraining order, I checked. He doesn’t call me or text me or email me. He just lives down the fucking street. There is a potential to bump into him everyday. Me bumping into him entails trauma response.

Friends don’t get it. When they hear of the situation they say, "Oh, that sucks," like you might pass off losing your wallet. Many of them still don’t know how deeply he violated me. I don’t want to share the story with everyone who asks. I often end up feeling like I am on trial, even with well-meaning close friends or family. I'm put in the position of having to prove and re-prove that he was a dick, abusive, and gaslit me.

A year or two on and I feel distant from many of my old friends after feeling a lack of support (I am a lot closer to a few supportive folks), uneasy about living in my town, and unsure of what to do next. I’ve written multiple letters to him that I haven’t sent explaining how he hurt me, because I truly don’t believe he understands that he’s done anything despite watching my decline into PTSD and anxious suicidal state throughout the course of our relationship. He’s a classic narcissist. Charms his way through life and genuinely believes he is and describes himself as a do-gooder. But he was a sadist. What made him an abusive sadist instead of a decent kinkster was the lack of clear consent and refusal to process and cuddle and talk with me about boundaries when painful or scary or far-too-intense sex made me literally shake and unable to sleep for the rest of the night. Forty nights that year. I counted. Angry tirades when I told him that I was concerned we were pushing boundaries that were harming me. I’m glad I left. But now he’s down the damn street in a tiny town I bought a house and run a business.

What do I do? Do I confront him? I’m scared with his personality that he will only get off on it. How do I get better support from the friends who tell me to "not let it get to me"? Should I just fucking move?

Question two: I need dating advice. I have a career which involves my face and voice heavily. I’m not super famous, but I’m recognizable to many people. Enough so that I didn’t want to call this one in. And I’m single. Not just single but 38-years-old, wants-a-baby, lives-in-a-small-town single. I do not want to be on dating apps. No one uses them here anyhow because it’s such a small town and no one wants their business known. And, to complicate things further, my tastes are kinky. For a while I enjoyed chatting people up on Fetlife. But because of how small my town is and how public my career is I didn’t feel I could Be open regarding my location. I said I was from a bigger city far away. But I don’t want to date someone who lives in a city far away.

I love this little town. And yet I feel lonely here and hopeless about dating. The pool of available men here is both macho and vanilla. That's not what I want. I am introverted and picky; most dudes annoy and offend me. Luckily I like other gendered/bodied people too. But... this a small damn town.

I want a life partner and am pretty sure I want a kid., But I feel stuck, being 38 with wrinkles and baggage, living in a small town, and having a public career. What should I do?

Situation Torments Unhappily Cloistered Kinkster

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Reader Has a Bad Trip and Dan Proves He Can Be Succinct (With a Little Help From ASMR YouTube)

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I had met this guy on an online dating site and we had been talking for a few weeks. He showed a real interest in me. He told me that he was interested in meeting someone for a long-term relationship and I was excited about the possibility. I'm a student living a different state and we decided to meet over last weekend.

This wasn't going to be a regular meeting. We were going to trip together. I'm not new to psychedelics and had taken acid before and enjoyed it and I felt really connected to the person I'd previously taken it with, so I felt like this wouldn't be a bad idea. The guy was very experienced with acid. He drives here to me and we take the acid. He's supposed to stay over and we're supposed to get brunch. It was going to be the perfect date. So we're having a great time, and it's everything that I thought it was going to be and more. It was beautiful and fun, and I really started to feel a connection with him.

It was at this point where we decided to take a shower — but first we smoked some weed. In hindsight, this is exactly when the trip took a turn for the worse. My roommate (a 19-year-old female) rolled a joint for us and we all smoked. After we smoked I got confused and hazy and, long story short, I thought my roommate was trying to take my soul and that I was descending to hell and that my date guy was my savior. I definitely freaked him out. For a while I thought he was some sort of god. I yelled at him to impregnate me and begged him to free me "this frozen place." That really freaked him out. Believe me, Dan, I don't want to get pregnant and, yeah, I like the guy, but I don't want to marry him or anything. I ended up running him out after we tussled when I locked him inside my room. (At that point I thought my roommate was going to take him away and then steal my soul and burn me alive — I know. I went insane) I started screaming these absolutely deafening screams while trying to hold on to him. He ran out without his coat and I ran naked outside to escape my roommate until she finally managed to calm me down by feeding me some dumplings.

When I came to, I was mortified! I contacted him to apologize. He didn't answer me back. He un-followed me social media. My roommate had gotten his number from my phone after he ran out, so she could his things for and return them to him. I apologized again using my roommate's phone this time and I really gave him a full and heartfelt apology. He replied to my roommate that there were no hard feelings and that was glad that I was okay but that I really made him uncomfortable. I'm going to give this guy some space, because there's really nothing else I can do, but I wanted to ask you something.

If a girl you were talking to for a few weeks freaked out on you on acid, would you ever speak to her again?

Completely Unfortunate Trip Obliterates Friendly Feelings

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My Friend Is Having an Affair With Their Parent—Will That Work Out?

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A friend of mine just confided in me that [they are] having a consensual sexual relationship with [their] biological [parent]..

Long story short, [they] was adopted [REDACTED] years ago and tracked their [parent] down [REDACTED] through [REDACTED]. My friend is [AGE REDACTED] and [their] [parent] is in [AGE REDACTED]. As of this writing, they've only had oral sex, but it sounds like it's only a matter of time before it progresses. [They] told me [they] think [they are] in love with [their] [parent].

They're considering carrying on a secret relationship now that they've [REDACTED]. Neither wants to blow up their current lives or relationships. To make things more complicated, my friend is married. [Their spouse] is [REDACTED] and all this [REDACTED] before [they] could [REDACTED]. Needless to say, [their] [spouse] isn't aware of any of this, and [my friend] will not be telling [them].

There are other details that might be helpful for you, and I can provide them if needed, and [my friend] is aware I am writing you. [They] understand that this is probably an incredibly bad idea, but [they] and [their] [parent] find themselves inexplicably drawn to each other. I read about genetic sexual attraction (GSA), so I realize these feeling are not unheard of. But can relationships like this work out?

Wanna Advise My Friend But No Idea What To Say

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Ruth Bader Ginsburg Misses Supreme Court Oral Arguments For the First Time

Um, Rich? Is it time to panic yet? Asking for a country. Politico:

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg will not be on the bench to hear oral arguments Monday, missing arguments in person for the first time in more than 25 years she has served on the court. Ginsburg underwent surgery to remove two malignant nodules from her left lung that were detected after she had a fall that fractured three ribs late last year, the court announced in December.

Early in Obama's second term some people suggested that the then-80-year-old Ginsburg, already a two-time cancer survivor, should retire. I don't recall if anyone suggested at the time that the then-75-and-now-80-year-old Stephen Breyer should also retire. They would've needed to retire early during Obama's second term, as we would later learn, to ensure that a Democratic president would name their successors. People were worried about off, off, off, offedy off chance that Obama might not be followed in office by another Democratic president and there was an off, off, off, offedy chance that Ginsburg might not be immortal.

Other people told other people not to tell Ginsburg what to do. And other people tried to warn us about the stakes and they were told to stop fear-mongering...

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He Can't Come With His Hot Girlfriend and It's Making Her Angry and Him Crazy

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I feel like I’m totally broken sexually. I’m deeply in love with a woman who deeply loves me, too, but I can’t orgasm at all when I’m with her.

I’m a guy who just turned 60. I enjoy excellent health, I have high testosterone, and look and feel a lot younger. She’s 44, every straight guy’s fantasy, and guys by the score, young, old and in between, are hot for her. Every aspect of her personality and body excites my emotions and turns me on. She’s gorgeous and the perkiest ass and boobs you can imagine. She’s deeply loving, as sweet and sincere as can be, and totally sexy. She quickly makes me hard, and there’s nothing that I love more than fucking her just the way she loves to be fucked. She wants badly for me to come inside her, in her mouth, on her face and boobs, and on her back. But I can’t come inside her or on her. I can’t come when she blows me or jerks me off, either. And I can’t come with her while jerking myself off.

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Why Do Teenage Boys Draw Dicks on Everything?

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Recent Savage Love Letters of the Day: She left her first husband for a coworker. Should she leave her second for a stranger? And can this letter writer ask for no-recip oral? And, as always, last week's column and Savage Lovecast.

On SERVE and the no-recip blowjob:

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Newly Sworn in Dem Member of Congress: "We’re Gonna Impeach The Motherfucker!"


Republican are furiously bunching their panties and stuffing them up their own cracks—because of course they are. She used a swear! Swears are not okay! Unless, of course, it's a swear coming out of Donald Trump's mouth, like "shithole countries" or "grab 'em by the pussy." Some of us are old enough to remember when Vice President Dick Cheney told a Democratic Senator to "go fuck yourself" on the senate floor and then bragged about it. When Republicans do it, it's a mark of authenticity, they're just telling it like it is. When a Democrat does it—particularly a lady Democrat—it's an outrage and it "should not stand."

Rep. Tlaib, to her credit, isn't cowed:

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Savage Love: Lost Kinkster

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Joe Newton
I'm a 19-year-old bisexual woman really into orgasm denial and edging. With the recent Tumblr ban on all NSFW content, I have no idea where to indulge my kinks and find my community. I've never needed to go anywhere else to find porn, explore my sexuality, and be surrounded by supportive people—and now I'm at a loss. A few Google searches have been really disheartening. Clearly I've been spoiled by all the easily found porn made by women, for women on Tumblr. Hell, I'm used to it being made by bisexuals, for bisexuals. I feel like I'm 15 again, desperately scouring the internet for anything that applies to me. Please tell me where I can find my porn!

Missing My Porn Community

P.S. You wrote about how this ban harms sex workers, Dan, but please write about how it harms queer and kinky people, too!

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Can He Politely Ask for No-Recip Oral?

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I’m a highly sexual man using a dating site, and received a message from a woman that suggests she finds me sexually attractive. (The message was this: “Mm yum.”) I actually enjoy receiving messages like this. But I do not find this particular woman attractive. Not in the least. However, I am willing to be serviced by her, if she is enthusiastic about it.

Is there a polite or thoughtful way to tell someone who finds you sexually attractive that you would allow them to blow you but you will not reciprocate or return affection and that you are not interested in them for anything other than being serviced? It would be a completely one-way dynamic. If this woman is hungry for random cock and finds me hot, perhaps this fulfills both our needs?

Seeking Erotic Rendezvous Very Eagerly

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She Left Her First Husband for a Coworker. Should She Leave Her Second for a Stranger?

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I’m a 30-year-old heterosexual woman, no children. I grew up going to church 2-3 times a week until I was 21, when I cheated on and left my Christian husband, a man I started dating when I was 16 years old (right after my mom died). No one would have ever thought I would be capable of such cruelty, especially not me. We were together for a total of about five years. I left him after nine months of marriage. I left him for my current husband, a man who my best friend at work. I lost a large part of who I was and had to figure out what that meant for me.

I came to the conclusion that it happened because my first husband and I weren’t the best fit for each other. He was domineering and I was very submissive to him — so much so that I didn’t feel like I could be myself. But we never fought. When we had sex he wouldn’t finish until I had an orgasm, but sometimes I didn’t want it to go on that long and consequently I was never in the moment when we did have sex. I was just trying really hard to have an orgasm so the sex could finally be over. My ex-husband seems happy now, remarried with with two kids according to my Facebook stalking skills. He always wanted to be a young father and I’m very happy for him.

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PoliticsSexPanic

The First Junk: Donald Trump's Dick Could Be the First Presidential Dick We All Get to See (But It Won't Be the Last)

With the news that Mueller has some nude selfies in evidence... re-upping my piece on the inevitability of us seeing a president’s dick pics and why it might as well be this president’s dick pics we see first...

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CHIP SOMODEVILLA / GETTY

I don't think this made Slog yet... and if you've somehow managed to avoid hearing about this... then I apologize for being the bearer of terrible, horrible, no good, very bad news... but there might be Donald Trump dick pics out there and if Stormy Daniels prevails in court... we all might "get to" see them. WaPo:

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