SL Letter of the Day: Two Doms, One Sub


Originally posted on December 30, 2015.

What are your thoughts on two Doms sharing one sub? The scene I envision includes the domination of the other Dom. Do some Doms enjoy the submission to another Dom while also enjoying dominating the sub? It's probably best to put it into the context of my fantasy. I tie my sub to a chair or tie her down and then send a Snapchat to her other Dom. I invite the other Dom to come over and have his way with her. I would then leave, but they must stop immediately when I return, no matter where they are. The other Dom must then leave, and I do what I want from that point. Is this something I should talk with the other Dom about beforehand or should I just do it and see what happens? I've talked to my sub, and she is really into that scene, but she doesn't know how her other Dom would feel about it.

Dominate Other Man

My response after the jump...

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Savage Love: Don't Fuck Nazis


A few years ago, my dad was busted by the cops for using an online forum to solicit escorts. The arrest and infidelity destroyed his marriage to my mom. My brother and I were in our mid-teens at the time and were angry enough with him that we asked him to not seek custody. He obliged, and neither of us has seen him since. I miss my dad—or the man I thought he was. I know part of my anger comes from how badly he hurt my mom. As I mature, I'm wondering if I was unfair to my dad by cutting off all contact. I don't think sex work is immoral. I don't think people who see sex workers are bad. But because my dad was involved in this bust, and because I had to become aware of the double life he led, I felt uncomfortable around him. It doesn't help that some of the girls were not much older than I was at the time. I think I'd like to get to know my dad again, but I'm not sure what kind of relationship I'm ready to have. He was a wonderful father—and on some level, I recognize I cut him off when he showed me he was human. How do I reach out to him?

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Don Lemon on Trump's Phoenix Speech: Total Eclipse of the Facts

Don Lemon gets a lot of grief for his occasional gaffes. But Lemon nailed it last night—he spoke for us all. And even more impressive: Lemon was speaking off-the-cuff immediately after Trump's deranged, divisive, baldly racist speech ended. Lemon's remarks were followed by the rarest of things: a talking head panel worth watching.

Savage Love Letter of the Day: Reader Needs Help Finding the Pot Edibles That'll Help Her Loosen Up (Not Put Her to Sleep!)


As a long-time reader I have heard you mention using marijuana as a way to loosen up sexually, and I am all for it! Unfortunately my attempts thus far have not gone well. I started out easy with a 5 mg cookie and didn't feel anything. Then I tried a 10 mg cookie (Journeyman) and I felt super tired, took a nap, and felt terrible when I woke up. The whole rest of the day I felt like I had the flu. It was really unpleasant.

What am I doing wrong? I have had fun highs before, so I know it's possible for me, but that was when it was illegal, so I have no idea what strains/dosage it was. I have read lots of "how to" pieces online, and I know it's probably different person to person, but I would really love any personal recommendations you may have. I have heard you mention lozenges? How do I find something that doesn't make me want to curl up on the couch forever? As a Mom I don't have many opportunities to experiment, so if you can help me find that perfect dose/brand faster that would be amazing!

Wanting Euphoric Edible Dose

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Village Voice Goes Non-Weekly


The Village Voice, the left-leaning independent weekly New York City newspaper, announced on Tuesday that it will end print publication. The paper’s owner, Peter Barbey, said in a statement that the move was intended to revitalize the 62-year-old Voice by concentrating on other forms and to reach its audience every day rather than once a week. The exact date of the last print newspaper has not yet been finalized, according to a spokeswoman. The Village Voice was founded in 1955 by Dan Wolf, Ed Fancher and Norman Mailer and for decades it sold a weekly version thick with classified ads.

The Deadline for HUMP! Submissions Is One Month Away!


The deadline for submitting films for the 13th Annual HUMP! Film Festival—the Pacific Northwest's biggest, best, and only short porn film festival—is coming up! Here's our call for submissions...

HUMP! invites filmmakers, porn-star wannabes, hotties, kinksters, regular folks, YOU, and other creative types to make short porn films—five minutes max—for HUMP! 2017! HUMP! films can be hardcore, softcore, live action, animated, kinky, vanilla, straight, gay, lez, bi, trans, genderqueer—anything goes at HUMP! (Well, almost anything: No poop, no animals, no minors.) HUMP! films are not released online or in any other form. Filmmakers retain all rights. Appearing in a film for HUMP! means you get to be a porn star in a movie theatre for a weekend—not on the internet forever!

We got a wonderful note this week from one of the teams who made a film for last year's HUMP! Film Festival. After the festival kicks off in Seattle and Portland, HUMP! hits the road. The HUMP! 2016 Tour has visited 21 cities so far and will visit 13 more cities before the tour ends. Unlike most short film festivals, people who make films for HUMP! get a percentage of every ticket sold during the tour—and with the tour only 2/3 over, the filmmakers who wrote in this week had already made back all the money they'd spent on their film.

There's also no charge to enter HUMP! and cash prizes are awarded to filmmakers by audience ballot after the festival concludes in Seattle and Portland! There's still time to get started on your film for HUMP! 2017! Details below...

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Savage Love Letter of the Day: Cis Woman Mistaken For Trans


I'm a 42 year-old guy, and I'm married to an amazing woman. We've been together five years and we're as happy and hot for each other as we were when we started dating. We're good. My problem is with a small percentage of other people who are pieces of shit, and how best to deal with them.

My wife is gorgeous—in a way that some walking garbage piles find offensive. She's six-foot-two, and has the same strong-featured exotic look that afforded two of her aunts successful modeling careers. And like her aunts, she regularly encounters assholes who assume that she is transgender and they HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THAT. I never felt any embarrassment about it; from the beginning I was just too head-over-heels to care what anyone thought. Getting to know her L and G and T friends helped wash off any remaining conservative southern upbringing still clinging to me, and I realized that I wouldn't love her any less if she did have a Y chromosome. I like to think that 37 year-old me wouldn't have cared either—I can't imagine being without this incredible person in my life.

When I've witnessed scumbags harass her on the street, or overheard them talking shit about her, the rage I feel is almost uncontrollable. Fortunately she's always been able to chill me out. "I'm used to it," she'll say, "just ignore them." But she's confessed that it hurts, for the same reason that it enrages me—the sick fucks who are saying these things are trying to hurt and diminish her because of how she looks. And that brings us to my question.

How do I respond?

Obviously just returning the verbal assault or outright violence is no solution. I don't want to encourage the idea that there is something shameful about being trans. Yelling. "She's a real woman, asshole!" is not the message I want to send, but to just let it go seems wrong. I worry about my wife, about our LGBQT friends, and everyone in this country who's abused for who they are. I worry that someday someone will try to harm my wife because of how she looks and that I won't be there to help. I worry that our "president" is making bigots and talking shit-stains feel as though they can do anything they want. And I feel guilty that I didn't really see this problem until it affected people I love. How do I react so that it helps, even in just a small way, to move our society away from bigotry and hate?

Punching Assholes Not The Solution?

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The Accidental Resistance


"So I saw this license plate today," writes Hillary, a "Savage Love" reader in Pennsylvania. "And I walked up to the 60-something, black-tracksuited lady with the shellacked hair and said, 'I just want to say I LOVE your license plate!' I thought I would show her my ITMFA sticker on my phone and we would bond. But she said 'I'm a tournament bridge player and I've had this license plate for 40 years! It's nothing to do with Donald. Let it go.' And she stomped off. LOL!!!!!"

Savage Love Letter of the Day: Questioning Those Questionable Threesomes


I have been reading your column since I was 19. Recently turned 27. I look forward to reading it every week. With that being said let's get to it...

Just a few weeks ago I attended a party at my boyfriend's parent's house. His best friend and his best friend's girlfriend were there. They have had relationship issues the past two years. She had cheated on him. They also have a daughter together. They mentioned that both of them are having sexual relations with their neighbor, a woman, who also has a child. This struck a nerve. I can understand the lengths you can go to repair a relationship. But I am the jealous type. I would not enjoy my man fucking another woman in front of me. Our sex life is too incredible. I would never want to jeopardize that. Truth be told, I can lick that boy's ass all day! I always believed threesomes were for people who were not in committed relationships. I have always assumed they were for those looking for experimental kicks. (1.) How can couples actually go through with sharing their partner without wanting to punch the third person in the face? (2.) Won't the third party feel used as a tool to fix a damaged relationship? I have all types of sexual fantasies while my boyfriend fucks me, sometimes I do fantasize about what it would be like to have a threesome, though I know I would never have the balls to invite another living soul to join in. I get we are all entitled to our own opinions, so bottom line: (3.) Can threesomes do more harm than good? (4.) Or vice versa? (5.) Also why would him telling me about his best friend's sex life piss me off to the point of no return? It's not like it has anything to do with our relationship. (6.) Is it just pent up aggression I have towards the mentioning of threesomes in general?

Flummoxed And Questioning

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Savage Love


I've been wondering: Since there are lesbians out there who occasionally crave cock, does the reverse also happen? Are there gay men who occasionally crave pussy?

There are gay men who watch football—hell, I have it on good authority that some gay men play football, TP. So anything is possible. (Also, there are lots of lesbian-identified bisexual women out there, a smaller number of gay-identified bisexual men, and a tiny handful of bisexual-identified football fans.)

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One White Supremacist Down...


Trump, Miller, Gorka, et al, still left to go.


As a longtime fan of cheap, store-bought sheet cakes (preferably stale), I have to say: Tiny Fey is a motherfucking genius. As is whoever did this...

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Savage Love Letter of the Day: Reader Advice Round-up


Recent Savage Love Letters of the Day: Should there be rainbow tiki torch parades? Does the tip count? Should she keep fucking that Nazi? Should she stay in the closet with her friend? Also: last week's column and Savage Lovecast.

I said what I had to say. Now readers, listeners, and potential-Nazi-fuckers get their say....

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Terror Attack in Barcelona

Trump: "There was violence on both sides, okay? There were some bad people in that van but there were also some very fine people in that van. And it wasn't just the pedestrians who got hurt. Look at the van. It's pretty damaged. The people who died did a real number on that van. It's probably totaled."

Ayelet Waldman and Michael Chabon Write an Open Letter to Their Fellow Jews

This just went up at Medium:

The President has no filter, no self-control, you have told yourself. If he were an anti-Semite — a Nazi sympathizer, a friend of the Jew-hating Klan — we would know about it, by now. By now, he would surely have told us.

Yesterday, in a long and ragged off-the-cuff address to the press corps, President Trump told us. During a moment that white supremacist godfather Steve Bannon has apparently described as a “defining” one for this Administration, the President expressed admiration and sympathy for a group of white supremacist demonstrators who marched through the streets of Charlottesville, flaunting Swastikas and openly chanting, along with vile racist slogans, “Jews will not replace us!” Among those demonstrators, according to Trump, were “a lot” of “innocent” and “very fine people.”

So, now you know. First he went after immigrants, the poor, Muslims, trans people and people of color, and you did nothing. You contributed to his campaign, you voted for him. You accepted positions on his staff and his councils. You entered into negotiations, cut deals, made contracts with him and his government.

Now he’s coming after you. The question is: what are you going to do about it? If you don’t feel, or can’t show, any concern, pain or understanding for the persecution and demonization of others, at least show a little self-interest. At least show a little sichel. At the very least, show a little self-respect.

You'll want to go read the whole thing—particularly the section where they call out Jared and Ivanka by name.