Full disclosure: We were planning to write this before the Seattle Times endorsed housing activist Jon Grant. But the Seattle Times endorsement forced us to re-write our lead. So here goes:
Continue reading »Originally posted on February 4, 2015.
My husband and I are a straight couple in our early 50s, and we've been married for more than 30 years. We were raised to wait for sex till we got married—this was back in the early '80s—and we did. Our wedding night was pretty disappointing since neither of us knew what we were doing. He got off, but I didn't. We both assumed that there was something wrong with me, because he didn't have any problem coming, right? We were both raised to believe that sex was something men took from women, that it was difficult for women to orgasm, and that no woman wanted sex as much as a man did. We read books, we went to counseling, but nothing changed. This went on for a couple of decades. He's a great guy—funny, loyal, faithful, great dad to our kids—so I figured I was lousy in bed and I was lucky he put up with me. Recently, I got my hands on a vibrator. OH. MY. GOD. There's nothing wrong with me! Now I think my libido might actually be stronger than his. But even with what I now know about my sexuality, we have been unable to figure out how to get me to orgasm when we are together. I've suggested some milder forms of kink, but he isn't interested. I suspect we're just incompatible in bed, which has made me a fairly vocal opponent of the "waiting for marriage" garbage, much to my husband's consternation. He thinks it's so sweet that neither of us has ever had sex with someone else. So you can probably see my dilemma. Neither of us has ever been unfaithful, and neither of us is okay with being unfaithful—I know he isn't. Even though I'm intrigued by the idea, I don't think I could pull off the lying and deceit required to do it behind his back. We also live in a small town where it would be nearly impossible to have a discreet affair. I don't really want a divorce, because it means losing the entire life we've built together, which is no small thing. But when I think about never having good sex in my entire life, I can hardly stand it. What would you do?
Bored In Bed For An Unbearably Long Time
My response after the jump...
Continue reading »Huckabee doubles down on the lies and says it's "highly inappropriate" to disagree with a Marine 4 Star General. pic.twitter.com/OiVHSeHP1d
— Josh Marshall (@joshtpm) October 20, 2017
...one step closer to fascism.
Jenny Durkan had this to say—as reported by the Seattle Times—at Wednesday night's mayoral debate/shitshow:
“We are both very wealthy women, Cary Moon and I,” she said. “I’ve put $400 in. She’s put hundreds of thousands of dollars in,” Durkan said, exaggerating the amount, “that if she didn’t spend, it would probably be Nikkita Oliver and I sitting here.”
In a Facebook post after the debate, Oliver reacted to Durkan's comments by faulting both Moon and Durkan for getting in the race at all: "Neither supported my candidacy (though both had the opportunity to)... Reality is both women entered the race after me and had equal opportunity to support the candidacy of a qualified woman of color."
Back to Durkan...
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Recent Savage Love Letters of the Day: What about #MeThough? What about shitty fingers? How do you ask your partner to let you fuck someone else without it damaging their self esteem? Also: last week's column and Savage Lovecast.
First, a follow-up from the LW regarding those shitty fingers of hers:
Continue reading »I read this at The Guardian after NYMag's Jesse Singal tweeted it out last night—"We're so fucked"—and I re-read just now after anon1256 pinged it in The Morning News comment thread. The Guardian:
The abundance of flying insects has plunged by three-quarters over the past 25 years, according to a new study that has shocked scientists. Insects are an integral part of life on Earth as both pollinators and prey for other wildlife and it was known that some species such as butterflies were declining. But the newly revealed scale of the losses to all insects has prompted warnings that the world is “on course for ecological Armageddon”, with profound impacts on human society.
The new data was gathered in nature reserves across Germany but has implications for all landscapes dominated by agriculture, the researchers said. The cause of the huge decline is as yet unclear, although the destruction of wild areas and widespread use of pesticides are the most likely factors and climate change may play a role. The scientists were able to rule out weather and changes to landscape in the reserves as causes, but data on pesticide levels has not been collected.
Insects account for 2/3 of all life on earth and there's this whole food chain thing we're dependent on—in addition to the whole pollination thing—so, like Jesse said, we're pretty much fucked if insect populations keep trending downwards at a rate of 6% per year. So, yeah. We're killing everything and we're all going to die. The only outstanding question at this point is whether the planet is going to shrug us off before we manage to do ourselves in—ourselves and every other living thing on the planet.
To mark Spirit Day Burger King released an anti-bullying ad that appears to have been inspired by What Would You Do?, ABC's emotionally manipulative but deeply satisfying hidden camera program. Burger King's ad is surprisingly moving. By which I mean: I was surprised by how moved by it I was. Not so moved that I'm gonna start eating at Burger King, of course, but I was moved enough to share their Spirit Day ad on Slog. My apologies if watching it prompts you to eat a fast-food burger from Burger King or anywhere else.
Continue reading »I'm a hetero guy in his early 30s who spent a good portion of his 20s slutting around. Some of it was great, but some of it I now see as unhealthy. But the Harvey Weinstein news and related stories are giving me pause and making me take stock of my sexual history. I think my record is pretty clean. Were there times I was callous with someone's heart? For sure. I regret those moments, but I chalk those up to the wear and tear of being in your 20s. I had my heart poorly handled plenty of times too.
However there is one moment in my life that I reflect on and have deep shame over. I was in a FWB relationship with a woman that was dependent on us being in the same country for us to actually sleep together, so the relationship was pretty sporadic and inconsistent. During one of the hand full of times she was visiting me, she was not in the mood for sex, and I was, and I guilted her into sex. As I understand, this could be labeled as "coercive sex." I was probably 24 at the time.
I am repulsed by my younger self and that I was capable of doing this. I've never done anything like it since, and this woman and I eventually tapered our relationship off to just being friends and have been for ten years now. There's never been any weirdness (that I've perceived) and as far as I know, she doesn't hold on to this memory—that being said, how could I possibly know? Part of me that wants to reach out and apologize for this, but another part of me is saying "Just leave it alone." I could explain the many reasons I want to apologize (her forgiving me & letting me off the hook, my guilty conscience, performing what a good dude I am), but I really want to know what the right thing to do here is. What is the best thing for her, not me?
Fucked Up, Knows Boys Operate Immorally
I've been seeing this guy at the gym since... well, since I first walked into a health club as an adult. Skinned guy, standing erect, holding a barbell, preparing to do a recognizable exercise (curls). The female version is below...
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Continue reading »I'm seeing a guy right now that is funny, cute, and seems pretty nice. I don't think we're a good match longterm—he's not sure if he wants kids and I do (and don't have a ton of time), plus we have some potential personality incompatibilities (I'm pretty type A and think his disorganization might bug me if it got more serious; I've learned from past relationships opposites may attract but it's not always great for cohabitation)—but it's nice seeing someone and I am also trying to be open-minded. He is also pretty into ass play, mine and his. I am into people being into (and in) my ass, and I can get into getting into theirs with the right guy (with my ex, I often wanted to initiate sticking a finger/tongue in there bc I was so into him).
But with this new guy, I'm having trouble. We've hung out five times, started hooking up time #4. The first time we hooked up, he asked me to stick a finger in his ass when I was blowing him. I wasn't excited about it—maybe bc it's kinda early on, maybe bc I don't see a lot of longterm potential which would make me excited about being intimate in that way, maybe bc he had farted earlier in the hook up session (!) which was kind of a turn off. (But hey, human bodies right?) Still, I was trying to be GGG. I noticed afterwards something under my nail but sometimes I can just get stuff under there during day so I ignored it.
PUT THE DAMN PHONE DOWN: The United States is experiencing a "historic spike" in traffic fatalities, Bloomberg reports. "Over the past two years, after decades of declining deaths on the road, U.S. traffic fatalities surged by 14.4 percent. In 2016 alone, more than 100 people died every day in or near vehicles in America, the first time the country has passed that grim toll in a decade." People aren't driving, speeding, or drinking that much more—certainly not enough to explain the spike. The only trend that accounts for the spike: "distracted driving," aka assholes drivers mowing down pedestrians and cyclists while texting, scrolling through Twitter, posting status updating to Facebook, liking lunch pics on Instagram, and sharing dick pics on Snapchat.
TRUMP DOESN'T CARE ABOUT THE TROOPS: After being criticized for not making condolence calls to the families of fallen US troops, Trump claimed yesterday that "former President Barack Obama and other former presidents did not personally call the families of soldiers who died in combat," Talking Points Memo reported. That was a lie, like nearly everything else that comes out of Trump's mouth. Trump hemmed and hawed when confronted, claiming he didn't know for sure if Obama called the families of fallen troops, but "that's what he was told." Active-duty service members supported Trump in the election by a two-to-one margin.
.@realDonaldTrump When my brother was killed, Pres Bush listened while I screamed at him & then held me as I sobbed, you fat fucking liar. https://t.co/SEIw74OeZG
— Delilia O'Malley (@DeliliaOMalley) October 16, 2017
Continue reading »Longtime listener, first-time writer. I'm a 31-year-old queer female writing to you from
New Zealand because I want to stop being an asshole. When it comes to sex, I’m addicted to the thrill of the chase but I struggle to maintain a lasting relationship beyond that. I’ve been with my current partner for three years but it’s been an up and down kind of a ride due to various reasons and I've also slept with 14 other people in that time without his knowledge. I’ve never had a relationship where I haven’t cheated and I’ve never dated someone who can keep up with my libido. The thing is that when I do get laid, I don’t want it to last long because it’s really only the thrill of the chase that I’m into.My current situation suits me fine. I have a pretty good relationship and when I’m feeling like I need the thrill of the chase I’ll go have a one night stand with someone and that keeps me satisfied for a while. It suits me that his happens without my partner’s knowledge and consent because it keeps things nice and simple. I know it’s not fair that he doesn’t know. It would be ideal if he was into cuckolding but I’ve raised this idea with him in the past and he’s not keen. I’ve also raised the idea of being more open/swinging and he seemed to like the idea of that, but I do wonder if any of these things are going to damage his self-esteem. He knows that I have a higher libido than him and that I’ll happily fuck him whenever he’s keen, but if I tell him that I want to fuck other guys too won’t that make him feel inadequate? He’s not super confident and that actually causes a little bit of a problem for us in the bedroom room because he can’t make eye contact during sex and so I don’t feel connected to him. I worry if I come clean about my sexual desires and how I have/would like to keep servicing my needs, it’s going to eat away at him. He’s the sort of guy that might agree to something but wouldn’t communicate his pain until it hit boiling point. So it would be easier if I kept it all secret. But that’s not morally sound.
I know that an answer to this might be “break up with your partner and find someone who’s into cuckolding” but that won’t be easy in a county with a small population and relatively conservative attitudes towards sex. So my questions are:
1. How do you ask your partner to let you fuck someone else without it damaging their self esteem?
2. Is there a name for someone who’s addicted to the thrill of the chase?
Could Unveiling Cuck Kink Entirely Distress Her Insecure Man?
P.S. If we were to open things up I think I’d be OK with my partner fucking other people too.
Originally posted on July 30, 2014.
I am wondering when the best time is to mention being in an open relationship to new girls. I'm a 27-year-old straight guy who's been in an open relationship for six years. I often seek out extracurricular activities, but I am unsure of how to bring up my situation without doors closing. I wrote to a seduction blogger who often writes about open relationships, and his advice was to not mention it until I've had sex with the girl a few times and to not bring them to my apartment that I share with my girlfriend. This feels contrary to my nature, which is very straightforward, but is it perhaps the better method? Indeed, many of my "potentials" have been scared away when they learn of my relationship status. What are your thoughts on the matter?
Straightforward Honesty Offends Potentials
My response after the jump...
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Recent Savage Love Letters of the Day: How can he make his boyfriend get off Grindr? What's stopping her from having sex? How can he help his friend who was assaulted by Harvey Weinstein? How do they tell their friend to stop bragging about her sexual exploits?
Also: last week's column and Savage Lovecast.
Some reader advice for DICKPICS:
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