The Super Bowl on Sunday is probably not a matchup of good versus evil. It’s a matchup of two football teams, the New England Patriots and the Atlanta Falcons, in the neutral city of Houston to determine who is the champion of this horribly mediocre NFL season. It’s a showdown of the league’s two most valuable quarterbacks, innovative offenses, and ultimately, the two best teams.

But, fuck. FUCK. It sure does feel like a battle of good and evil.

On the good side we’ve got the Atlanta Falcons. Fueled by Matt Ryan and Julio Jones their passing attack posted historic numbers this season. Matt Ryan should be the NFL’s MVP, and has been underrated—both through the duration of his career and in this—his best, season. Julio Jones is basically the NFL’s LeBron James. He’s an awesome physical force who came onto the scene early and has refused to do anything other than be awesome for years (except for when his foot hurts, but whatever).

Falcons offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan’s play design has been masterful; Shanahan, who is heading to San Francisco to take over as head coach after the Super Bowl, effectively used running backs in the passing game to get Jones favorable matchups and created game-breaking plays. Meanwhile, running backs Tevin Coleman and Devonta Freeman provided dimensionality to a historically great offense.

And while the Falcons defense wasn’t great in 2016, and they’ll miss University of Washington alumnus Desmond Trufant, they still have advantages on that side of the ball. This starts with former Seahawks coordinator Dan Quinn, who brings a hard hitting ethos to the team, best embodied in rookie safety and Future Kam Chancellor Throne Stealer, Keanu Neal. Their pass rush is solid; Vic Beasley and Grady Jarrett can both get to the quarterback without constantly blitzing.

The Falcons owner Arthur Blank, who is Jewish, took an anti-Trump stance during Super Bowl week. He said: “This country was built on inclusion and diversity, on celebration of those differences, supporting those differences, and everybody being the very best they can be in their own way. I’m opposed to anything that takes away from that.” He is good by football owner standards.

The Falcons are a good football team. They're a little bit like a store-brand Seahawks team with a better number one wideout, but hey, that's fine. [Ed note: Don’t you diss Doug Baldwin like that!] That's good. Good is good. In this world that's about all you can ask for.

On the bad side are the Patriots who suck so fucking much and I hate them. God, fuck the Patriots, fuck them so much.

Tom Brady is an asshole who supported Trump, and then stopped answering questions about his support once shit got real, and now embodies the blasé banality of white supremacy as he says dumb shit like, “I’m a positive person” when asked about nationwide protests. He’s also a really good quarterback, but whatever, I don’t have time for that shit anymore. Fuck Tom Brady.

Also, there’s Bill Belichick, who bends the rules until they break, is an asshole, and supported Trump vocally down the stretch run of the election, possibly personally swinging the garbage state of New Hampshire by writing the dumbest fucking letter that Trump then read at a rally to inspire a bunch of fucking dumbfucks to flush this country down the toilet. It was so fucking dumb. Belichick is the NFL’s best ever coach, and yet he’s doomed himself to be remembered as fascist-friendly piece of shit. He’s Charles Lindbergh, but worse. Fuck him.

Also fuck Patriots owner Bob Kraft who once got a Super Bowl ring stolen by Vladimir Putin and is also friends with Donald Trump, and therefore represents the shady connections between the White House and Russia, and also cowardice. I hate him and his stupid hair and face. What a bastard.

Patriots tight end Martellus Bennett (brother of Seahawk Michael Bennett) is cool, and vowed to skip the visit to the White House should they win. But he's still not as cool as Michael Bennett.

Also fuck the Patriots for beating the Seahawks that one time. That made me sad back when football could make me sad, before the only thing that made me sad was our nation’s descent into fascism fueled in part by the guys who made me sad by playing football. Seriously, fuck the Patriots.

Also fuck Patriotism. Fuck Mark Wahlberg. Fuck it all, man. Fuck fuck fuck.

So who’s going to win? Based on the matchups, I think the Falcons have a good chance. The Patriots are vulnerable on defense, and they haven’t played an offense anything like this Falcons team. Also, Brady has been less than 100% of late, and it’s shown in his performances.

But who’s going to win? The Patriots. Obviously. This is Trump’s America now. The only question is how? Catastrophically boring blowout or heartbreaking comeback that reminds me of the time they did that to the Seahawks? My money is on the latter.

Patriots 33 - Falcons 31.