The wonderfully obsessive freaks at Scarecrow Video raided their vast collection of VHS wonders to construct this 80-minute montage of sports-based delights, which promises “sidesplitting laughs, cheap thrills, and unintentional hilarity.” Greasing the wheels: preshow hot dogs and PBR. Expect tear-jerking triumph, life-ruining failure, classic commercials, ill-advised music videos, and numerous sports bloopers that will make you do honest-to-God spit takes. (Grand Illusion, 1403 NE 50th St, www.grandillusioncinema.org, PBR pre-func at 8:30 pm, screening at 9 pm, $8, 21+)

David Schmader—former weed columnist and Stranger associate editor—is the author of the solo plays Straight and Letter to Axl, which he’s performed in Seattle and across the US. His latest...