OPENING THIS WEEK

A(N IMPROVISED) CHRISTMAS CAROL · Unexpected Productions

THE BEST CHRISTMAS PAGEANT EVER · The Bathhouse Theatre

BLACK NATIVITY: A GOSPEL SONG PLAY · Intiman Theatre

THE GOOD DOCTOR · Stone Soup Theatre

HOLIDAY HIT PARADE · Seattle Men's Chorus

THE NUTCRACKER PUPPET BALLET · Northwest Puppet Center

OBJECTS AND UNDERWEAR · New Work Ensemble

THE PRINCE & THE PAUPER · The 5th Ave Theatre

PULP VIXENS · Northwest Asian American Theatre

Therese Raquim · The Shunpike Arts Collective

THE UMBILICAL BROTHERS · The Moore Theatre

A VERY REGGIE XMAS/THE TRACHTENBURG FAMILY SLIDESHOW PLAYERS...ON ICE! · On the Boards

VOICES OF CHRISTMAS · ArtsWest

ONE WEEK ONLY

IT'S A WONDERFUL (ONE MAN SHOW) LIFE · Freehold East Hall Theatre

SEATTLE SIN CITY · Re-bar

SKETCHFEST 2001 · Broadway Performance Hall

YVA LAS VEGAS & P.A.N. · Showbox

CLOSING THIS WEEK

BLACK TO MY ROOTS · Brownbox Theatre

SHADES OF PARKLAND · Vodvil Theatre

OPENING AND CURRENT RUNS

A CHRISTMAS CAROL

The holiday deluge: Dickens. A Contemporary Theatre, 700 Union St, 292-7676. $21-$32. Tues-Sat at 7 pm, Fri at 9:30 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 pm, Sun at 6 pm (but there are many irregularities, particularly toward the end of the run, so call ahead). Through Dec 23.

APPALACHIAN CHRISTMAS HOMECOMING

The holiday deluge: Forbidden hillbilly love. Taproot Theatre, 204 N 85th St, 781-9707. $18-$26. Wed-Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri-Sat at 8 pm, Sat at 2 pm. Through Dec 29.

*THE BEARD OF AVON

Reviewed this issue. A comedy about the "Was Shakespeare really Shakespeare" controversy. Seattle Repertory Theatre, Second Ave & Mercer St, 443-2222. $15-$39. Tues-Sun at 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 22.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS PAGEANT EVER

The holiday deluge: Cute kids goof up. Kill me now. The Bathhouse Theater, 7312 W Green Lake Dr N, 325-6500. $16 adults, $11 students/seniors. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 30.

BLACK NATIVITY: A GOSPEL SONG PLAY

The holiday deluge: The African American version. Intiman Theatre, 201 Mercer St, 269-1900. $40 adults, $30 seniors/students/group rate, $15 "young people" (i.e., under 16). Tues-Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri-Sat at 8 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 23.

BLACK TO MY ROOTS

Subtitled, African American Tales from the Head... and the Heart. The eternal love-hate relationship between black women and their hair. Brownbox Theater at Rainier Valley Cultural Center, 3515 S Alaska St, 381-8708. $15 in advance, $20 at the door, $10 kids 12 and under. Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 3:30 pm. Through Dec 2.

*CHERRY CHERRY LEMON

All about girls and sex, with Keira McDonald's Showerhead as an appetizer. "[Playwright Keri] Healey's script is both forceful and delicate, knowing and curious, wise without arrogance. It's also hilariously frank, but an undergirding sadness makes the laughs empathetic, and therefore all the heartier." (Sean Nelson) Re-bar, 1114 Howell Ave, 323-0388. $12. Sat ONLY at 8 pm. EXTENDED through Dec 15.

THE GOOD DOCTOR

Neil Simon adapts Chekov. Which is sort of like John Hughes remaking The Battleship Potemkin. Stone Soup Theatre, 4035 Stone Way N, 633-1883. $12 (All Thursdays are pay-what-you-will). Thurs-Sat at 8 pm, Sat matinees at 4 pm. Through Dec 22.

HELLCAB

A bunch of cab rides on Christmas eve. "Much like excitedly unwrapping a present and finding a boring old pair of warm socks, this utilitarian offering is unfortunately uninspired." (Tamara Paris) Theatre Company No. 3 at Union Garage, 1418 10th Ave, 720-1942. $12 (Thurs is pay-what-you-will). Thurs-Sat at 8 pm. Through Dec 15.

THE HOTHOUSE

The holiday deluge: I didn't know there was such a thing as "Harold Pinter's zany holiday classic," but that's how the press release describes this show. Liberty Deli, 2722 Alki Ave SW, 935-8420. $29 ($15 show only, tickets limited). Fri-Sat and selected Sun; dinner at 6:30 pm, show starts at 7:30 pm. Through Dec 29.

INSPECTING CAROL

The holiday deluge: Dickens + Gogol. Seattle Repertory Theatre, Second Ave & Mercer St, 443-2222. $15-$44 ($20 for anyone under 25). Tues-Sun at 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 30.

IT'S A WONDERFUL (ONE MAN SHOW) LIFE

The holiday deluge: You just shouldn't compare yourself to Jimmy Stewart. You will not win. Freehold's East Hall Theatre, 1525 10th Ave, 2nd floor, 938-9959. $12 general, $10 seniors/students/kids. Thurs-Sun at 8, this weekend only.

*THE LARAMIE PROJECT

Reviewed this issue. A documentary theater piece about the killing of Matthew Shepard. The Empty Space at the Eve Alvord Theatre in the Seattle Children's Theatre, Seattle Center, 547-7500. $22-$30 ($10 for anyone 25 and under, seniors 1/2 price). Tues-Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 7 pm (2 pm matinees on Dec 2, 9, & 15). Through Dec 15.

THE NUTCRACKER PUPPET BALLET

The holiday deluge: Ballerinas on strings. The Carter Family Marionettes at Northwest Puppet Center, 9123 15th Ave NE, 523-2579. $8.50 adults, $7 seniors, $6.50 children. Fri at 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun at 1 & 3 pm. Through Dec 23.

OBJECTS & UNDERWEAR

A nonverbal theater piece. The selling point seems to be that everyone's in their panties. New Work Ensemble at North-west Actors Studio, 1100 E Pike St, 789-4307. $10 general, $8 students/seniors. Fri-Sat at 8 pm, through Dec 8.

ORGASMO ADULTO ESCAPES FROM THE ZOO

Short plays by Dario Fo and Franca Rame. A Theatre Under the Influence at the Union Garage, 1418 10th Ave, 720-1942. $12, Thurs are pay-what-you-will. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm. Through Dec 15.

THE PRINCE & THE PAUPER

A new musical of the Twain story. The 5th Ave Theatre, 1308 Fifth Ave, 292-ARTS. $18-$58. Tues-Sat at 8, Sun at 7:30 pm (12/2 & 12/9), Sat-Sun at 2 pm.

PULP VIXENS

See Stranger Suggests. The holiday deluge: Pseudo lesbian noir Catholic schoolgirl Christmas stories. Northwest Asian American Theatre, 409 Seventh Ave S, 340-1049. $12 general, $10 students/seniors. Thurs-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 4 pm. Through Dec 24.

*SHADES OF PARKLAND

A love triangle between a bride, a policeman, and a widow. "Loosely arranged around the Sonnabend obliscence principal--which is that we are already forgetting the things we're experiencing as we're experiencing them--Parkland is a kind of opera, with light comedy, philosophical and moral riddles, and excellent visual tricks... . Do I contradict myself, then, if I say that much of Parkland is unforgettable?" (Emily Hall) Vodvil Theater, 1408 18th Ave, 329-9198. $12 (closing night is $25). Fri-Sat at 8 pm. Through Dec 1.

SUBTERRANEAN HOMESICK

A new dysfunctional family comedy by John Moe. "Because it so successfully tapped into my pathetic, pot-and-'just-tryin-t'make-it'-influenced Seattleite soul, I am appropriately hard-pressed to give it a 'review.' The acting can seem insecure, but this is the fiber of the Northwest characters they portray. The script can be predictable, but it's just tryin' to do its thing. It's not bad. Hey, who am I to judge?" (Brian Goedde) Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave, 325-6500. $12. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm (also at 2 pm on Dec 9 only). Through Dec 14.

THERESE RAQUIN

A new adaptation of the Emile Zola thriller. The Shunpike Arts Collective at the Odd Duck Studio, 1214 10th Ave, 484-8451. $10. Fri-Sat at 8, through Dec 15.

A VERY REGGIE X-MAS/THE TRACHTENBURG FAMILY SLIDESHOW PLAYERS... ON ICE!

See Bio:Theater. The holiday deluge: Splitting the weekend, Reggie Watts & Co. (Thurs-Fri) and Jason Trachtenburg & family (Sat-Sun). On the Boards, 100 W Roy St, 217-9888. $10 for each show. Through Dec 16.

VOICES OF CHRISTMAS

The holiday deluge: Multicultural heartwarmingness. ArtsWest, 4711 California Ave SW, 938-0339. $10-$24. Tues-Thurs & Sun at 7:30 pm, Fri-Sat at 8, Sat at 3 pm; Mon, Dec 24, at 7:30 pm. Dec 1 through 24.

WHAT I TELL YOU IN DARKNESS

A new play by Stuart Greenman (Silence, Cunning, Exile), about the birth of televangelism. Golden Fish Theatre at Richard Hugo House, 1634 11th Ave, 528-0158. $18. Thur-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 16

DANCE

NUTCRACKER

The holiday deluge: The deeply Freudian children's tale, en pointe. Pacific Northwest Ballet at Seattle Center Opera House, 301 Mercer St, 292-ARTS. $15-$84. Sat at 2 & 7:30 pm, Sun at 1 & 5:30 pm, weekday shows start on Dec 7; the schedule is a little erratic, so call in advance. Through Dec 27.

FESTIVALS, CABARET, & COMEDY

A(N IMPROVISED) CHRISTMAS CAROL

The holiday deluge: Dickens with audience suggestions. Unexpected Productions at the Market Theatre, 1428 Post Alley (below Pike Place Market), 781-9273. $10. Fri-Sat at 8 pm. Through Dec 22.

HOLIDAY HIT PARADE

The holiday deluge: Gay men singing. Seattle Men's Chorus at Benaroya Hall, Third Ave between Union and University, 323-2992. $12.50-$32. Dec 5, 9, 10, 15, 17, 23 at assorted times; call for details. Through Dec 23.

SEATTLE SIN CITY

A drag tribute to Las Vegas. Sounds redundant to me, but what do I know. Re-bar, 1114 Howell Ave, no advance tickets. $8. Wed at 8 pm, this week only.

SKETCHFEST 2001

See Stranger Suggests. Sketch comedy until you puke. Broadway Performance Hall, 1625 Broadway, 325-6500. Individual shows $7; 5-show passes $25; Festival pass $75. Thurs-Sat, a different show every hour from 7 pm-midnight. This weekend only.

THE UMBILICAL BROTHERS

See Stranger Suggests. Two Aussies. They are not actually brothers. The Moore Theatre, Second & Virginia, 292-ARTS. $21-$33.50. Tues-Fri at 8 pm, Sat at 5 & 9 pm, Sun at 7 pm. Dec 4-9.

YVA LAS VEGAS & P.A.N.

Whack mix of Butoh and the spoken word ululations of Yva Las Vegas. The Showbox, 1426 First Ave, 628-3151. $10. Thurs at 7 pm, this weekend only.