CLOSER

Closing. "Funny but not quite comedy, wrenching but not quite tragedy, Patrick Marber's Closer sits squarely in the 'urbane, contemporary drama' genre, smartly and brutally documenting the ongoing jolts of love and lust in the lives of two thirtysomething couples." (Brendan Kiley) ReAct Theatre at Bathhouse Theater, 7912 W Green Lake Drive N, 364-3283. $6-$12. Fri-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm and 7 pm. Through Sept 1.

DRALION

Since when did foreigners in funny clothes hell-bent on "death-defying" nosedives cease to be called "threats to national security"? I'm ASKING?!?! Cirque du Soleil at Grand Chapiteau, 900 Garden Ave N, next to Renton Boeing Plant, 800-450-1480. $31.50-$65. Tues-Wed at 8 pm, Thurs-Fri at 5 and 9 pm, Sat at 4 and 8 pm, Sun at 1 and 5 pm. Through Sept 8.

SEASCAPE

Opening. Edward Albee's Pulitzer Prize-winning absurdist comedy about a set of couples, one human and one reptilian, questioning their relationships at midlife. Steeplechase at Liberty Deli, 2722 Alki Avenue SW, 935-8420. $29 with meal, $15 show only. Fri-Sat at 6:30 pm, with Thurs shows at 7:30 pm beginning Sept 5. Through Sept 28.

FULLY COMMITTED

Solo show about an unemployed actor taking reservations for an ultra-chic restaurant. Now with Daniel J. Chercover. ACT Theatre, 700 Union St, 292-7676. $24.50-$29.50. Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Open run.

TAMING OF THE SHREW

Closing. "Bitchy girl submits to backhanding smart-ass. Misogynist parable? Feminist subversion? Decide for yourself." (Bret Fetzer) GreenStage Theater Company. Call for locations, dates, and times, 748-1551, www.greenstage.org. Free. Through Sept 2.

TEATRO ZINZANNI: DINNER & DREAMS

The most expensive dinner theater of all time--three hours of gluttony, lust, and eye candy. Featuring the effervescent yet earthy Kevin Kent. "Dinner & Dreams isn't a disaster. The food is great, and a handful of the performers are dazzling. But for every bit that dazzles, a half-dozen fall flat." (David Schmader) Teatro ZinZanni, Sixth & Battery, 805-0015. $89 Wed-Fri & Sun, $99 Sat (includes dinner, but not beverages or gratuity). Wed-Sat at 6:30 pm, Sun at 5:30 pm. Open run.

THREE-TENN-ONE

See review this issue. Closing. Dancing at Francesca's at Northwest Actors Studio, 1100 E Pine St, 324-6328. $10. Thurs-Sat at 10 pm. Through Aug 31.

TOMATO PLANT GIRL

The tumultuous relationship between Bossy Best Friend and Little Girl comes to a dramatic head when the former is accused of vegetable abuse. Theatre Babylon at Union Garage, 1418 10th Ave, 720-1942. $6-$10. Sat-Sun at 2 pm, with evening performances Mon Aug 26 and Fri-Sat Sept 6-7 at 7 pm. Special Bumbershoot performance Sun Sept 1 at 1:30 at Bagley Wright Theatre, Seattle Center. Through Sept 8.

TWELFTH NIGHT

Closing. "An ensemble of teenagers from all over the region set Shakespeare's greatest comedy of love and madness to the tunes of Elvis and among the Preps, Jocks, Brains, and Geeks of contemporary high school--without changing the gorgeous poetry of Shakespeare's original text." Seattle Public Theater's Summer Youth Drama Program at Bathhouse Theater, 7321 W Green Lake Drive N, 325-6500. Free. Thurs at 7 pm, Fri-Sat at 3 pm. Through Aug 31.

WINTERTIME

See review this issue. The latest play by Charles Mee, author of last year's ACT smash, Big Love. Expect big ideas and lots of smashing. ACT Theatre, 700 Union St, 292-7676. $10-$44. Sun, Tues-Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri-Sat at 8 pm. Matinee performances at 2 pm Aug 29, Sept 1, 7, 8, 14, and 15. Through Sept 15.

FESTIVALS, CABARET, & COMEDY

ANTIQUES IMPROV SHOW

Bring your own objects; these jokers will tell you what you've got. The problem with the premise is... don't you think those real appraisers are pretty much winging it too? Unexpected Productions at Market Theater, Post Alley, 781-9273. $10. Fri-Sat at 8 pm. Through Aug 31.

* MARGARET CHO

See Stranger Suggests. This week only. Giggles Comedy Club, 5220 Roosevelt Way, 526-5653. $25-$35. Fri Aug 30 at 8 pm and 10 pm, Sat Aug 31 at 7 pm and 9 pm.

KAFTAN!

A charmingly ramshackle kitsch cabaret with It's Mark Mitchell, Kurt B. Reighley, Paula!, and guests. "A nice-enough dose of free entertainment." (Josh Feit) Swedish Housewife at ING, 1530 Bellevue Ave, 329-5388. Free. Sun at 9 pm. Ongoing.

LADY DAY AT EMERSON'S BAR & GRILL

Closing. "If you are expecting (and preferring) a Vegas-styled celebrity impersonation of Billie Holiday, SKIP THIS SHOW. Miss Charlie Parker (the ironically named actress playing Billie) gives a thoughtful and honestly touching interpretation of Billie in her final days, but this is a performance, not a pastiche." (Adrian Ryan) Crepe de Paris, 1333 Fifth Ave, second floor, 623-4111. $45 for dinner and show, $18 show only. Thurs-Fri at 8 pm, Sat at 8:30 pm. Through Aug 31.

SEVEN LAYER DIP

One night only. A benefit for Seattle SketchFest, Seven Layer Dip unites local talents Cathy Sorbo, Kermet Apio, and Stephan Hando with members of the Habit and Just Improv for an exhaustive evening of belly laughs and bladder control. Rendezvous, 2322 Second Ave, 441-5823. $10. Sat Aug 31 at 8 pm.

THIS IS BURLESQUE! II

One night only. What is it about August that's rousing all of these indecent ecdysiasts into structured seas of naked female flesh? And why am I asking so many questions?!?! The Swedish Housewife welcomes New York's "World Famous" *BOB*, and enough scantily clad women (including BurlyQ's queer cabaret, the Gun Street Girls, and Leilani Punani) to leave me uncomfortable for the rest of my life. Catwalk, 172 S Washington Ave, 622-1863. $15. Sat Aug 31 at 9 pm.

LATE NIGHT

COMEDY COURT

Improv comedy... in a courtroom setting! HA! Comedy Court at Odd Duck Studios, 1214 10th Ave, 442-2044. $10. Sat at 10:30 pm, with additional performances on Sept 7 and 14 at 8 pm. Through Sept 14.

LONG RUNS

CABARET: THE ResERECTION at Coffee Messiah, 861-8233.

JET CITY IMPROV at ArtsWest, 938-0339; at the Ethnic Cultural Theater, 781-3879.

LATE NIGHT CATECHISM from Seattle Theatre Project at ACT Theatre, 292-7676.

QUEER AS A THREE-DOLLAR BILL at the Comedy Underground, 800-992-8499.

THEATRESPORTS at the Market Theater, 781-9273.