Spotted on the door of a new local business:
"Capitol Hill, We love you! Please stop puking on our door/access ramp. There is a whole street behind you. Thanks!"
A most reasonable request, by any standards. If that whole door isn't caked with vomit by sunrise, it will demonstrate conclusively that Capitol Hill is not the neighborhood it used to be.
(Note: Neither the author nor this publication advocate public regurgitation on or near any part of the physical (or spiritual) plant of any local business at any time by any party for any reason. Seriously.)