You’re new here. You don’t know anyone. You have nowhere to go on Thanksgiving.
Maybe you’re a new student at the University of Washington or Seattle University or Seattle Pacific University and you can’t afford to go home. Maybe you’re a new hire at Amazon and you can’t swing rent, student loan payments, and airline tickets (we know you make a lot of money, but not that much). Maybe your parents decided, after hosting Thanksgiving for the last 24 years, that they’d had enough and canceled on you at the last minute. Maybe you’ve been here a while and are tired of Friendsgivings, and members of your family are the only people in Seattle who voted for Trump.
You could fish around for an invite. But being the “Thanksgiving orphan” at someone else’s dinner party—being the turkey-day pity fuck—isn’t any fun, either. And it’s too late, anyway: Thanksgiving is practically here and everyone’s guest lists are already finalized. You’re screwed.
How do you avoid having a depressing, soul-crushing, nothing-to-be-thankful-for Thanksgiving? Now this may seem counterintuitive, but hear us out: Don’t avoid it. Embrace it. Instead of having the worst Thanksgiving ever by accident, have the worst Thanksgiving ever by design.