I lost my lover unexpectedly last weekend. He was a long-time friend and periodic hook-up, and things were finally starting to turn as serious as I’d always secretly wanted them to be. I’m writing because I don’t know what to do with my desire for him, because that certainly didn’t die with him. He’s the only person I’ve been with in the past year and a half and re-reading our old sexts and thinking about the last time we were together has been turning me on. But I feel all sorts of torn up about masturbating to the thought of him. I want to do it, but I haven’t. We had a trip planned at the end of March that I am still planning on taking where he was telling me we were going to fall in love. We had been talking (he was on the other side of the country) and video sexting about all the things we were going to do to each other, and I was looking forward to having the best sex of my life with him (we really connected in bed) while on a tropical island. Now I will be going alone. Is it healthy for me to masturbate about him? I mean, I know he’d love the thought, but it also makes me feel so devastatingly sad. Thoughts?
Too Heartbroken For Witty Acronyms