I’m a 28-year-old queer woman. It’s been a while since I’ve been in a relationship, as it was impossible for me to make a physical or emotional connection with anyone after I was raped four years ago. I finally found a very, very, very nice fella. He’s 36 years old, and pretty basic. He’s a cis white man who isn’t into anal, which is good, not too good at oral, which is bad, with a medium-to-low sex drive and an average-to-good cock. Here’s the problem: I like the warm feelings of love and lust I’m finally experiencing after a long time, but I am nevertheless unsatisfied with him. There are so many things that I feel he is lacking. We don’t share fantasies, he doesn’t take the initiative, there’s no sense of seductiveness, and the cunnilingus is underwhelming. I’ve talked to him about it and he listens, he says he hears me, but he does not implement any of my suggestions. Instead, he tells me to focus on the things that are wonderful about our relationship rather than what’s lacking. Maybe I’m being too critical and should try to focus on the positive. Or should I leave him and go find an idealized sex God who may or may not be out there?
Idealized Dick Katharsis
P.S. My question requires a thoughtful response, not a savage answer. So, maybe I should talk to my psychologist and not to you?