One Lost Erection Destroys Straight Man’s Confidence

I am in desperate need of some help and I don’t know where to turn! I am a married, straight male, in love with my beautiful wife of nine years and I am in an unbelievably negative cycle/mental-state concerning “performance-anxiety.” About six months ago, the first “symptoms” popped up: right in the middle of sex I lost my erection. The next time we were intimate, trouble again: couldn’t get it up. In my panic, I ordered some Viagra online and have been taking a small dose (20mg) before sex. Problem solved, right? Not really, deeply shamed and embarrassed about this, I never told my wife about the ED-meds and low and behold, this past week, my very horny and sexy wife mounted me in lust got me hard and during a frantic search for lube, sure enough, I lost my erection AGAIN and my wife was left spread-eagle on the bed with a limp-dicked husband feeling angry, deflated and sexually rock-bottomed.

We talked, I told her about all of my mental roadblocks and issues around ‘performance’ but still didn’t tell her about the Viagra. I went down on her, made her cum 3 times and she told me (and I believe her) that she’s ready and willing to do all she can to help me over this hump. We’ve got two small kids and don’t make a lot of time for sex. at MOST, we make love every-other week in a vanilla, prescribed manner. I’ve always had a strong sex-drive and my wife did as well (until our kids were born). She enjoys making love and orgasms with me regularly but she’s tired often and we simply don’ have much room if any for intimacy in our day-to-day lives.

These factors all lead to the inevitable build up of sexual expectations for when we do make love, ultimately leading to the perfect storm of sexual-defeat. Please help! I need some words of wisdom to navigate this and help me reclaim myself in the bedroom. Any thoughts on the matter would be appreciated!

Lost In My Percipience

Oh, this is an easy one: tell your wife—who has been there each time you lost your erection and knows you’re feeling anxious—that you went and got some Viagra from your actual doctor. (Toss the pills you ordered online, LIMP, as that crap could be anything.) Explain that for the time being you’re gonna need to be pop a boner pill before you have sex—forty-give to ninety minutes prior to sex—so you’ll either need some advance notice or she’ll be able to lay back and enjoy some extended (and enthusiastic!) foreplay before the PIV.

Reassure her, if she requires reassurance, that you’re attracted to her; men don’t take Viagra to get horny, men take Viagra and other boner pills because they are horny. So you got this prescription not to induce desire for her, but to ensure that a few random coincidences—a few lost boners in a row—didn’t congeal into the kind of performance anxiety that’ll render you incapable of performing PIV for her. The pills are there to rebuild your own confidence in your own dick—and you want to disrupt these performance issues before you become the kind of sad sack who creates sign-offs like “LIMP” when he writes to advice columnists.

Then take the damn pills, LIMP, without shame or embarrassment, for as long as you need to.

And I predict you won’t need to take them for long. You’ll take a pill, you’ll get a boner. You’ll do it again, you’ll get another boner. Soon your erections will become reliable again and you’ll start to relax and you’ll stop obsessing and then one day you’ll start messing around with the wife—and by the time you realize you didn’t take the pill, LIMP, you’ll already have blown that load.