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Last week I reviewed the Ballard Seafood Fest (which I described as “Bite of Seattle in a goofy Viking hat”), and got a little uppity about the preponderance of Scandinavian kitsch:

Every time there’s a holiday or a birthday or a potluck or an eclipse or anything or whatever, someone gives my mom (the second-youngest of seven Norwegian siblings) a fucking novelty sign. It usually says something like “Parking for LUTEFISK LOVERS Only!” or “My Other Car Is Two Reindeers and a Sled” or “Lutefisk Is Disgusting! Uff Da! Ha-Ha-Ha! TROLL.” Just novelty signs everywhere. My family built a charming summer cottage out of novelty signs (not true). When times get tough, we eat novelty signs (psych—don’t need to! We’ve got lutefisk! Ha-ha-ha! TROLL).

Accompanying the article is a photograph (above, by Victor Ng) of a lovely lady wearing a novelty plastic Viking helmet. The lovely lady’s name, it turns out, is Kristin, and she is an actual Norwegian person, and she sent me this letter offering advice on how I could procure a genuine Viking helmet:

En venninne i Seattle prøvde å sende deg et brev fra meg på epost for noen dager siden. Jeg har ikke hørt tilbake fra deg, Lindy… kanskje du snakker ikke norsk? Men du sa at mora di er norsk, så hun kommer sikkert til å hjelpe deg med å oversette brevet mitt… her kommer det en gang til:

——
Hei Lindy!

Det var spennende da jeg fikk nyhetene at det var et bildet av meg i The Stranger i uke! Jeg var på besøk hos noen venner i Seattle. De jobber på ‘crepe stand’ og ville at jeg skulle hjelpe dem å lage crepe til folk i Ballard til Seafood Festen. De var veldig gode crepe, med røykte villaks – fikk du prøve dem? Jeg synes at de hadde smakt bedre om de hadde brukt norsk oppdrettslaks, synes du ikke det?

Det var litt ironisk at du brukte et bildet av meg som symbol av ‘norsk-amerikansk kitsch’ siden jeg ER norsk (selvfølgelig, siden jeg snakker norsk, sant?). Men kanskje jeg be om det, fordi jeg brukte en amerkansk vikinghjelm. I USA er vikinghjelmene kitsch fordi de er laget i kina! I Norge lager vi dem selv, er de aldri plast, og koster de veldig mye! Folk fra amerika kunne aldri kjøpt en ektenorsk vikinghjelm.

Jeg tror jeg har funnet på en løsning til ditt ‘problem’ med norsk-amerikansk kitsch i Ballard! Dere kunne sett etter mer olje i Alaska, og så begynt å tjene mer på jobb, og da kunne dere kjøpte dere ekte norsk vikinghjelmer!

Lykke til,

Kristin

(My mom translates after the jump.)

A friend in Seattle tried to send you a message from me by email several days ago. I haven’t heard back from you Lindy…maybe you don’t speak Norwegian? But you said that your mom is Norwegian, so she can surely help you to translate my letter…here it comes again:

Hi Lindy!

It was exciting when I got the news that there was a picture of me in The Stranger this week! I was visiting my friends in Seattle. They were working at the crepe stand and wanted me to help them make crepes for people in Ballard at the Seafood Festival. They were very good crepes, with smoked wild salmon-did you try them? I think that they would have tasted better if they had used native Norwegian salmon, don’t you think?

It was a little ironic that you used a picture of me as a symbol of “Norwegian-American kitsch” since I AM Norwegian (certainly, since I speak Norwegian, right?). But maybe I asked for it because I used an American viking helmet. In the USA viking helmets are kitsch because they are made in China! In Norway we make them ourselves, they are never plastic, and they cost a lot! People from America could never buy an authentic Norwegian viking helmet.

I think I have found a solution to your problem with Norwegian-American kitsch in Ballard! You could look for more oil in Alaska, and then begin to earn more at work, and then you could buy yourselves authentic Norwegian viking helmets.

Good Luck,

Kristin

Thanks, Kristin! I sincerely regret not trying the crepes.

Lindy West was born an unremarkable female baby in Seattle, Washington. The former Stranger writer covered movies, movie stars, exclamation points, lady stuff, large frightening fish, and much, much more....

28 replies on ““Og da kunne dere kjøpte dere ekte norsk vikinghjelmer!””

  3. @1 Why should she have to? She obviously thought that Lindy would likely be able to read the letter as is, or else get it translated (which she did). Maybe she just felt like using her Native language because they met at a festival that is celebrating Norwegian heritage? Duh.

  6. Jeg syntes også det var veldig rart at en Norsk ungdom ikke kunne skrive på engelsk. Jeg kan jo tro at hun ikke ville snakke engelsk hvis hun er litt sjenert, men at hun ikke ville skrive det? Det kan jeg nesten ikke forestille meg. Da jeg bode i Norge, var det, for de meste, småbarn og gamle mennesker som ikke kunne snakke engelsk.

  7. @3 I didn’t say should have to, did I? She doesn’t have to. She can write whatever she wants.

    Why? Because Lindy’s an American? Because Kristin emailed Lindy not the other way around? Perhaps she did think Lindy would be able to read the letter. I find that implausible though.

  9. @5, thank you. There’s nothing remotely “Viking” about those helmets. They are, in fact, relics of bad productions of Wagnerian opera. Yes, really. They’re about as Norwegian as Hagar the Horrible comics.

  11. For what it’s worth my mother is Swedish and I took Swedish in college but forgot it all. I don’t think Scandinavian languages really last in the US as long as, say, Italian. Look, I took Swedish for a year, I’m not a nativist. Just as a practical matter there’s SO FEW people that speak Scandinavian languages that don’t speak English that they don’t become very popular second language.

    Just to expand on this some more, half the folks in my Swedish classes had a Swedish parent, the other half had a Swedish girlfriend. I have my own sex stereotypes as to why there were no women learning Swedish for their boyfriends.

  12. I think it’s weird that the letters sound so “norwenglish”. It sounds like someone translated them from english… Even the headline for this slog entry is horribly wrong, mixing tenses… It should have been “Og da kunne dere kjøpt dere en ekte norsk vikinghjelm!”.

    Kanskje hun bare har bodd altfor lenge i USA, men jeg tviler på at det er greia. 😉 Så dårlig norsk gramatikk skal det mye til at en såkalt innfødt nordmann har.

  15. P.S. Any Americans look into immigrating to Norway? I hear it’s tough but if you’re of Norwegian descent you get to the front of the line.

  16. @11, experiences vary. I started taking Norwegian in January because I love the culture and would like to move there someday, or at least visit regularly. I don’t have any Norwegian heritage or ties to the culture; I’m just a fan. Yes it’s not a popular second language, but it’s definitely not dead.

    There was at least one girl learning Norwegian for her boyfriend, and lots of couples and individuals trying to connect to their heritage. I now know a good number of people in the Puget Sound area who grew up American but learned and speak Norwegian when it suits them.

  17. @15, yes, I’m interested in doing so someday. Being a descendent helps, but a friend of mine who immigrated during college and married a Norwegian said that immigration is much more open now. (She’ll be back in Seattle this month, so I could ask her more. 🙂

  18. Potential emigrants, be cautions. Cost of living in Scandinavia is very high. If you’re looking for a cheap place to live in retirement, this ain’t it

  25. Mmm, lefse. The deliciousness of Norwegian carbs makes up for the rather questionable Norwegian interpretations of meat.

  28. @11 My Swedish class at the Swedish Cultural Center included me, my mom, my cousin (all of us trying to relearn the Swedish we heard at home as kids), and a woman with a Swedish boyfriend. So there was at least one woman learning the language for her man.

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