THURSDAY 10/11

DANCING CLAMS PARADE--Ivar's and its troupe of dancing clams will celebrate the Seattle Mariners' post-season run with a parade from SAFECO Field after each playoff home game. Win or lose, the dancing clams will woo you to the place where their brethren are boiled and eaten: Ivar's. Parade leaves SAFECO Field 30 minutes after each home game during the playoffs.

SATURDAY 10/13

BUDDHISM ON DEATH AND DYING--This workshop will not only discuss Buddhist metaphysics and spiritualism, but also the practical aspects of dying: legal, financial, medical, etc. Participants will come to realize that death (of someone you love, or your own), in the context of Buddhist ideology, has positive values. Come to terms with death and death will come to terms with you. Sakya Monastery of Tibetan Buddhism, 108 NW 83rd St, 789-2573, 10 am to 5:30 pm, $50.

GOTH FASHION CONTEST--Speaking of death, this contest, which is called the "'Masque de Sade' Fashion Show," and sponsored by Fantasy Unlimited, will have contestants darting evil cat eyes at each other as they vie for a $500 prize awarded for the best-dressed. And just in case you didn't have enough irony in your life, the "Gothic Cheer Leaders" will entertain the crowd. Gothic Cheer Leaders! Fancy that. Whether or not you are going for the big money, a dress code will be enforced; they want the place TOTALLY GOTHED OUT. Catwalk Club, 172 S Washington St, 622-1863, 9 pm to 2 am, $10.

SUNDAY 10/14

WILD MUSHROOM SHOW--This weekend, the Puget Sound Mycological Society is having the 38th Annual Wild Mushroom Exhibit, with over 200 local species identified and displayed. It's gonna fuckin' rock. Man, this one time I took like five caps and three stems and went out to the Sand Point park. At one point I thought the stars were all falling. The universe is so amazing and beautiful. Sand Point Naval Base, Magnuson Park, 7400 Sand Point Way NE, Sat 10/13 from noon to 8 pm, Sun 10/14 from 10 am to 6 pm, $7; call 522-6031 for more information.

AMAZING APPLE TASTE-OFF--While Seattle is perpetually busy with itself and its soft-fingered urban concerns that surround the poetics of summer drifting into fall, Eastern Washington this time of the year is mostly populated with Mexican migrant workers bingeing on long days of back-breaking labor, while the owners of the orchards bite their fingernails hoping that the apples come out well. This weekend they're coming into the city with 15 different types of apples, and the urbanites can stroll among the fallen fruits. West Seattle Farmer's Market, California Ave at Alaska St, 10 am; also at University Heights Community Center, 50th Ave at University Way NE, Sat 10/13 at 10 am.