I've endured my fair share of excruciating holiday meals. There was a several-years-long stepsister freeze-out during which she ignored me so hard, I might as well have been a mashed-potatoes-eating ghost. There were multicourse dinners with conservative (ex) in-laws that devolved into political shouting matches. And you should have seen me navigating the clashing personalities of my estranged parents and moderating their vague antipathy for each other while simultaneously trying to referee, entertain, and cook for them.
Yup, family meals can be rough. Especially if you're not stoned. And while a toke before you go will get you through that first hour, what you really need is some cannabis in your belly. That's a high that lasts. Can you enjoy a turkey dinner and get high all in one fell swoop? Yes, yes you can.
You can find recipes online for making a cannabis turkey, all of which involve rubbing infused butter under the skin, basting and/or injecting the bird with infused butter throughout its roasting, and/or using some flower as part of the sage-rosemary-thyme mix for extra green flavor. But none of these are great ways to make a dank holiday dinner. Because you're cooking your turkey for several hours at a moderate temperature (more than 300 degrees), there's a pretty good chance, if you use any of the above methods, that your THC will lose its potency, if it doesn't get completely vaporized altogether before the turkey is done. For the very same reason, figuring out dosage is a crapshoot.
The solution? Gravy, bitches.
First, pick up a copy of Cannabis & the Art of Infusion, an elevated cookbook by chef Ricky Flickenger. He has THE BEST recipe for making infused butter using kief—it takes no more than 30 minutes, the smell and taste of weed is minimal to nonexistent. There are also instructions on how to decarb the kief to activate the THC and how to do the math to figure out the dosage.
So don't put the weed right on or into the turkey. Roast your turkey however you normally would and then collect the drippings immediately upon taking it out—you'll be using them for your infused gravy.
Next, make a roux with your infused butter—generally, 1/3 cup butter, 1/3 cup all-purpose flour (an equal flour-to-fat ratio) or a gluten-free flour blend (Bob's Red Mill GF all-purpose baking flour is a good one; you can also use cornstarch). Then once the roux starts thickening, add between one and two cups of drippings and turkey stock (extra stock will make up for any lack in drippings), heating it on medium heat (you want to keep it below 200 degrees) and stirring for 5 to 10 minutes.
Voilà! You have your infused gravy. Pour it on your turkey, pour it on your mashed potatoes, or eat it with a spoon—it's up to you!
Cannabis & the Art of Infusion also includes recipes for a prime rib roast, mashed potatoes, cranberry mascarpone tarts with dark chocolate, and various other sweet and savory treats. Why stop with gravy when you could make an entirely infused holiday meal? And then don't invite any relatives! Now that's what I call festive.